letusdeleteouraccounts Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 You know, for the most part I’ve considered acephobia to not be a thing. That was until I stopped and realized that a lot of homophobia is acephobia too ”It’s a mental condition” ”Humans are meant to reproduce” ”Gay people will be the reason we go extinct” These were the only ones I could find at the top of my head but every now and then I really be thrown off by some of these comments Link to post Share on other sites
leszy Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Imagine what a useless pile of wombat shit someone has to be to feel morally superior because he/she wants to reproduce one day. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Like, dude, you seriously don't have any other accomplishments? I wonder if they ridicule infertile straight people with the same holier-than-thou approach. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Doubtful, which means on top of being a bigot, they're a hypocrite. A bigocrite, if you will. Link to post Share on other sites
leszy Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 17 minutes ago, CBC said: Yeah I really don't get that one. I'm not asexual but I've zero desire to ever pop out kiddos (and that's very unlikely to change given that I'm midway through my 30s), nor am I in a good place health-wise to even do so. Some people understand and couldn't give less of a shit, and some find it mind-boggling that I've no interest in spawning. Like I'm selfishly depriving the world of something. Of what, more people to use up our planet's resources? No thanks. Oh yes, I've come across people with this interesting (and by interesting, I mean otherworldly stupid and distasteful) mindset a few times before. "selfishly depraving the world"... We never owned anything to those non-existing babies in the first place, they aren't there yet, no one is "waiting somewhere above" for his turn to come down on Earth. And I'm not even particularly against having kids, just the idea of coercing someone into making them seems highly disrespectful. Link to post Share on other sites
purpleflavoredpi Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 A friend of mine was talking about relationships, turned into an almost argument (I'm not out to him). He was speaking against people who put off relationships until they finish xyz (school, get a career, whatever), saying they should be more open to relationships, no one should just write them off entirely and not give a specific person a chance. You have to start somewhere and you should start now otherwise it'll never happen. He didn't understand the concept that someone might not want a relationship, momentarily or ever. And he is typically a very open and liberal person, it caught me off guard that he would think that way. I guess that's sort of arophobic cause it was mostly about relationships. But ideas about virginity is also a form of acephobia I think, treating loosing your virginity as some huge rite of passage, and virgin shaming and all that. It's honestly ridiculous Link to post Share on other sites
leszy Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 4 minutes ago, purpleflavoredpi said: A friend of mine was talking about relationships, turned into an almost argument (I'm not out to him). He was speaking against people who put off relationships until they finish xyz (school, get a career, whatever), saying they should be more open to relationships, no one should just write them off entirely and not give a specific person a chance. You have to start somewhere and you should start now otherwise it'll never happen. He didn't understand the concept that someone might not want a relationship, momentarily or ever. And he is typically a very open and liberal person, it caught me off guard that he would think that way. I guess that's sort of arophobic cause it was mostly about relationships. But ideas about virginity is also a form of acephobia I think, treating loosing your virginity as some huge rite of passage, and virgin shaming and all that. It's honestly ridiculous society: wait a sec, what are the most senseless, harmful ideas we could apply to our views of relationships and sexual desire?? hmm I know! slutshaming, virgin shaming, virginity-is-a-rite-of-passage mindset, homophobia, acephobia etc. society: y'know let's have them all AT ONCE society: and also pretend they're totally logical and normal lmao Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted June 21, 2019 Author Share Posted June 21, 2019 @purpleflavoredpi I actually don’t think I would consider virginity shaming acephobic. From my perspective, they’re making fun of people who can’t get a sexual partner when our deal is that we don’t even particularly want one Link to post Share on other sites
purpleflavoredpi Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 3 minutes ago, Star Lion said: @purpleflavoredpi I actually don’t think I would consider virginity shaming acephobic. From my perspective, they’re making fun of people who can’t get a sexual partner when our deal is that we don’t even particularly want one Fair point, more just the right of passage part. Virginity shaming isn't inherently acephobic, it sucks in many ways, but certain aspects and 'justifications'/underlying motivations are Link to post Share on other sites
Anony-moose Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 14 minutes ago, Star Lion said: @purpleflavoredpi I actually don’t think I would consider virginity shaming acephobic. From my perspective, they’re making fun of people who can’t get a sexual partner when our deal is that we don’t even particularly want one Virgin shaming is a bit more spread out than that. Personally in my groups of friends, people feel ashamed of being virgins more than people shame them, but of course I've also seen people being shamed for being virgins (especially in middle school amongst boys, because admitting you're a virgin instantly makes you uncool and lesser). But yeah, it's not necessarily specific to asexuals most of the time, despite me seeing many hateful online comments about asexuality being an excuse for "sad virgins". It still blows my mind how many people feel shame because they're virgins. My friend group has people aged 18-22, and some are sad about not "being experienced" or "being alone" and it makes me sad that that's how they feel... You shouldn't feel bad for stuff like that, why worry about something you can't push or rush? Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Quote I actually don’t think I would consider virginity shaming acephobic. From my perspective, they’re making fun of people who can’t get a sexual partner when our deal is that we don’t even particularly want one The "phobia" stems from the fact that most of those same people will not believe that anyone could possibly not want one. It's erasure. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 1 hour ago, purpleflavoredpi said: A friend of mine was talking about relationships, turned into an almost argument (I'm not out to him). He was speaking against people who put off relationships until they finish xyz (school, get a career, whatever), saying they should be more open to relationships, no one should just write them off entirely and not give a specific person a chance. You have to start somewhere and you should start now otherwise it'll never happen. He didn't understand the concept that someone might not want a relationship, momentarily or ever. And he is typically a very open and liberal person, it caught me off guard that he would think that way. I guess that's sort of arophobic cause it was mostly about relationships. But ideas about virginity is also a form of acephobia I think, treating loosing your virginity as some huge rite of passage, and virgin shaming and all that. It's honestly ridiculous I am a 43 year old virgin and I honestly don't understand virgin shaming. Who am I hurting? Bullying people into sex is in the sex assault family. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 2 hours ago, leszy said: Imagine what a useless pile of wombat shit someone has to be to feel morally superior because he/she wants to reproduce one day. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Like, dude, you seriously don't have any other accomplishments? I wonder if they ridicule infertile straight people with the same holier-than-thou approach. There's something seriously wrong about feeling a need to feel Better than someone else... In other words: feeling a need to have some mental confirmation that someone is below you ("rhetoric you") in Immutable Social Hierarchy... Disgusting. Link to post Share on other sites
starweb Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 I've seen some acephobia from gays. For some reason, SOME seem to be afraid of heteromantic cis asexuals because according to them, we're basically straight and shouldn't be in their safe space. They seem to group us with all the people who oppressed them over the years. I can understand that up to a point. From the outside looking in, we do 'look' the same. If we don't tell anyone, we can 'hide'. I'm just surprised that they think we would hurt them in any way, physically or verbally. If anything, being this way this makes me more sympathetic toward them. And its a bit of a shock to realize that someone might be afraid of me. I'm a short middle aged woman and to my knowledge, no one has ever been afraid of me except maybe my kids when I caught them misbehaving when they were little. Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Wayne Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Acephobia is real and everyone should realise it. When it comes to virgin shaming that was mentioned earlier, I think it can occur along with acephobia too. I'm a 19 year-old ace and I know I'm not interested in *that* so I had to deal with people calling me some slang for virgin and so on... While it's totally fine if someone never sleeps with anyone. Let alone if they're like me... From my experience though, most people in the Czech Republic where I live don't seem to have any idea that aces exist. So the uneducated ones will consider people like me "probably a straight person that just can't find anyone" and bahbahbah... Pretty frustrating. Link to post Share on other sites
Glyn Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 2 hours ago, purpleflavoredpi said: A friend of mine was talking about relationships, turned into an almost argument (I'm not out to him). He was speaking against people who put off relationships until they finish xyz (school, get a career, whatever), saying they should be more open to relationships, no one should just write them off entirely and not give a specific person a chance. You have to start somewhere and you should start now otherwise it'll never happen. He didn't understand the concept that someone might not want a relationship, momentarily or ever. And he is typically a very open and liberal person, it caught me off guard that he would think that way. Sounds like a lovely chap. Not. He'd love me. I'm 42, never dated and quite happy with that. Hell, I've become more and more aromantic as I've got older, as strange as it sounds. I have a feeling he'd be one of those kind of people who'd try to pressurise me into having a date, despite the fact I don't want one (sounds bad, but believe me, I've had a boss once who tried to set me up with another colleague when he realised I wasn't that interested in losing my virginity. And let's not go there about one of my aunts....) Link to post Share on other sites
Glyn Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 24 minutes ago, starweb said: I've seen some acephobia from gays. For some reason, SOME seem to be afraid of heteromantic cis asexuals because according to them, we're basically straight and shouldn't be in their safe space. They seem to group us with all the people who oppressed them over the years. I can understand that up to a point. From the outside looking in, we do 'look' the same. If we don't tell anyone, we can 'hide'. I'm just surprised that they think we would hurt them in any way, physically or verbally. If anything, being this way this makes me more sympathetic toward them. And its a bit of a shock to realize that someone might be afraid of me. I'm a short middle aged woman and to my knowledge, no one has ever been afraid of me except maybe my kids when I caught them misbehaving when they were little. I seem to remember years ago there was a post here on AVEN showing everyone else something the poster had seen on a blog. It was a gay person who said that asexuals shouldn't be included in the LBGTA+ umbrella, because we've not received the same abuse that bi/homosexuals had received (and still receive) in life. And homoromantic aces should only be included, simply because they weren't straight aces. I'm not going to pretend to know what it is like being bi/gay etc in this world today. But that doesn't mean there isn't some form of acephobia going on. And this is coming from someone who has been told by someone he's clearly a paedophile because, after all, if you don't want to have sex with men or women.... Link to post Share on other sites
Joe the Stoic Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 I doubt a lot of homophobia would actually translate into aphobia. Sure, if people were being logically consistent, it could happen, but I've learned not to expect that from my fellow, hairless apes. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 2 hours ago, purpleflavoredpi said: Fair point, more just the right of passage part. Virginity shaming isn't inherently acephobic, it sucks in many ways, but certain aspects and 'justifications'/underlying motivations are Rite of passage, by the way. It's a different word which just is pronounced the same. I don't think that virgin shaming is acephobic by itself, but I do think that very often anti-asexual and anti-celibacy prejudice may be impossible to separate. Most people don't mock asexuals specifically for not feeling sexual attraction, but rather for the whole complex of feelings: that someone may not agree about how wonderful sex supposedly is, may not desire sex, may not have sex... Sounds stupid - maybe I'm interpreting it wrong, since I obviously don't share such views - but it simply is stupid to discriminate some people for the fairly mundane fact that they aren't and/or don't want to be sexually active. 1 hour ago, sallimae76 said: Bullying people into sex is in the sex assault family. Yes, yes, yes. That's it. Link to post Share on other sites
N8ty L3asT Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 @Star Lion Question? Is really a bad thing that we go extinct I mean if you look at how the human race treates each other as a whole and other living organisms and the planet I don’t really it as a bad thing. Just sayin. Link to post Share on other sites
purpleflavoredpi Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 8 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said: Rite of passage, by the way. It's a different word which just is pronounced the same. Oops. Had it rite the first time 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 You raise a good point. I guess when people say I have a mental problem I typically think "yeah they're probably right but oh well." Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 I don’t feel any shame about being a virgin; I know I’m not unlikeable, and I could probably lose my virginity if I cared to at all. But, my self-worth is not tied to it, and IDGAF about peer pressure. I’m just glad that I live in an area where people my age at work are like, “You know, relationship drama sucks so you’re not missing out at all. Keep on doing you.” Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 On 6/21/2019 at 1:25 PM, Star Lion said: You know, for the most part I’ve considered acephobia to not be a thing. That was until I stopped and realized that a lot of homophobia is acephobia too ”It’s a mental condition” ”Humans are meant to reproduce” ”Gay people will be the reason we go extinct” These were the only ones I could find at the top of my head but every now and then I really be thrown off by some of these comments Try this one: "You just need a good rape to straighten you out!" Link to post Share on other sites
Comrade F&F Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 30 minutes ago, thylacine said: Try this one: "You just need a good rape to straighten you out!" You gotta wonder how tragic and awful someone's life is if they actually believe this. It's so sick and demented, I almost feel sorry for them. Almost. I'm not worried; societal change happens, but it takes time. This phobia is a feeble cry of denialism before we move on to becoming better human beings. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 8 hours ago, thylacine said: Try this one: "You just need a good rape to straighten you out!" What sort of insult to humanity would come out with something like that? Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 Feys & Florets and Skycaptain... I dunno what kind of a person would say that. Maybe she (yes, it was a she) thought she was being "worldly" or thought she was being "amusing" but she was none of the above, she sounded downright creepy. Or maybe she was herself what you would label "desperate" and wished it upon herself and was "projecting"? I dunno. I really don't know. But people are idiots. Link to post Share on other sites
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