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New to group, need to vent


sofarfromreal87

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sofarfromreal87

So... I am 34 yrs old. I have been in several relationships with males and females. I have slept with both genders. With males I felt like I was being raped, like I just did it for them to leave me alone. With females I sense some sort of attraction, but I do not know if it is sexual. I believe it is just a connection with someone, it's been 8 yrs now that I've been single, alone, no friends or family. I was in 3 serious relationships. 2 of those were long distance relationships, we only saw each other few times a year. Then my last relationship I was with him for 8 yrs. We might of had sex 5x in that amount of time. He never complained or want sex either. I ended up leaving him bc he chose not to work, play video games, and sleep all the time. Before that happened he was addicted to opiates. I got him off of them, but then he turned into this closed away person. I have been like that with most people, but he was different. We had a mental/personality/understanding connection. I left him 8 yrs ago, moved to a new state, 24 hrs away to start my life over. I loved him but he was treating me poorly for about 3 yrs. Anyways, went to FL to start over. I went on some dates, males, females. All wanting sex before I even knew their last name. I did find someone I could tolerate but he would beg me for sex and it was pure torture for me. So due to health issues I moved back to MI to live with my mom. I can no longer work. I'm just shattered bc this ex that I had left, I just want him back. Be with someone I love and not be pressured or feel obligated to have sex. He promised me we would get back together but it's been a year and a half since I've been back. He is not well. He is suffering from some severe depression. He is so skinny and looks horrible. He doesn't eat. Just stays in his room and sleeps. Never goes anywhere or talks to anyone. Few times I hear from him... He loves and misses me, he just needs time to sort things out. It is a hopeless cause. I'm terrified of ending up alone. This last 8 yrs have been a nightmare. I think I'm afraid that I won't find another person like him. I won't find a connection or another that does not desire sex. 

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NickyTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I'm sorry about your ex.

It sounds like you may be an Aromantic Asexual, and what you experience is Platonic Attraction.

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.

But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.

There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.
 

What you want could be a QPR (Queerplatonic Relationship), http://wiki.asexuality.org/Queerplatonic

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Gravity-Defying 'Rainbow Pegacorn Launch!' Cake,

lul0dlieey6g6qje4tj9.jpg

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Hi sofarfromreal87, welcome to aven. I'm sorry for what you've gone through

 

While I'm here, I'd like to point out a number of useful threads and places on the AVEN. Most important is the site Terms of Service (ToS). I suggest you read them over and feel free to PM me or another mod or admin if you have any questions. Same goes for general forum questions (and you can also use this thread if you'd prefer). That said, if you have any questions about a specific forum, you should ask the moderator of that forum (you can find a list of who mods where here).

I'd also recommend poking around each forum to see what each one is about if you haven't already -- it'll get you used to the site and who the regulars are :)

 

Here's a few more Welcome-related or newbie links you might find useful:

Welcome to Aven, I hope you like it here

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Hello and welcome.

 

Have some :cake:

 

It sounds like you have had a really though time and I am sorry to hear that. I hope that you find some help and support here at AVEN.

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Welcome!

I know that you feel lonely and crave that connection that you two had but it sounds like the relationship wouldn’t be very healthy. He’s clearly not doing well mentally of physically and the added strain of worrying about him and trying to take care of him won’t do anything to help with the problems that you’re currently facing yourself. If you really want to get out there I’d recommend the Meetup Mart or sites like Acebook :) 

chocolate-meringue-layer-cake-124699-1.j

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