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I am confused and would like to meet some people that are smarter than I am.


sweater

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Ok so this is my first "post" (I don't know if that's what you would call it) so sorry if I'm not really doing this right. 

 

A couple months I became aware of the term non binary. I did not know what it meant. So I did some digging on my good ol' pal the internet. Oh gosh. I read so many things about transgender and dysphoria and non binary and bigender and gender fluid. I was so confused (and still am). Since then I have on and off been going crazy over all these labels. I'm a guy (at least that's what I have always been told) and I know that's not right. I'm not male or female. Neither feels right. It all just sounds and feels wrong. I've heard a few words like bigender and agender and they feel a little better but I don't know if they really fit. 

 

Today just for fun I tried taking some online quizzes that are supposed to determine your real gender. Here are some of them if anyone is interested:

https://www.allthetests.com/quiz36/quiz/1546713451/What-gender-am-I

https://www.quizony.com/what-gender-am-i/index.html

https://mkremins.github.io/genderquiz/

 

The third one was actually kind of funny toward the end. I hate all of these though because it seems like they are all based on stereotypes. I guess maybe some of them could be relevant but I don't see how liking/disliking hunting and beer makes you more or less masculine. I also see how maybe associating more or less with those stereotypes could be important? I don't know. I don't see how being a "natural leader" makes you more male or female or anything in between. Btw I got bigender for the top two and couldn't even finish the third one because I was laughing my *butt* off.

 

I don't know if I really feel dysphoria. I hate my male characteristics and wish I could eliminate them like the black plague. I dont want female characteristics though. I want nothing. I've always been pretty obsessed with my weight and I'm getting help with that but I've always wanted to be skinny but muscly if that makes sense. I don't really have anyone I can talk to and I'm terrified just to put this on the internet (I have two very straight catholic parents that dont even know I'm an asexual that doesn't believe in the big G). 

I guess my big question is if anyone would be willing to share their experiences about finding out who they are. I don't really know what to do or what to read or say. Somedays it's the only thing that matters and somedays I couldnt care less. If someone with more knowledge than me has anything to say about those little online quizzes then I would love to hear your thoughts, especially about that third one (turns out I was too stupid to realize it was supposed to be a joke. I finished it while typing this and got "Murder Mystery" as my gender).

 

Sorry this was kind of long. Enjoy your days and evenings and early morning/late night internet browsing. 

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RakshaTheCat
2 hours ago, sweater said:

 Neither feels right. It all just sounds and feels wrong. I've heard a few words like bigender and agender and they feel a little better but I don't know if they really fit.

If you don't like binary genders, you can label yourself as agender. This will show you want to be associated with neither. 😺

 

2 hours ago, sweater said:

I hate all of these though because it seems like they are all based on stereotypes.

To be honest, I think binary genders are based on exactly that, just bunch of stupid stereotypes. Plus on your look, since one can have feminine or masculine features. Funny, some people swear there is more to it, but whenever I ask them about it, so far they failed to provide any examples.

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Thank you to everyone for the advice and support. Lichley, the post you sent helped A LOT. I've never heard anything about coping mechanisms and how if you're good enough at coping then you might be able to just kind of push it down. Now I'm starting to see some of the ways I cope and I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably agender. 

 

14 hours ago, Marcin said:

To be honest, I think binary genders are based on exactly that, just bunch of stupid stereotypes. Plus on your look, since one can have feminine or masculine features. Funny, some people swear there is more to it, but whenever I ask them about it, so far they failed to provide any examples.

I see the point of exactly what you're saying and that was kind of where I was going with it but I just don't understand how liking cars makes you male if you feel female or no gender at all. I hate gender stereotypes and gender roles. I feel like they are some of the most uncomfortably awkward and suffocating things in the world. Especially because I am amab so according to those gender roles I'm apparently in some kind of birthright position of power (even though I'm obviously not and the thought of it makes me squirm). 

 

I guess a lot of the reason I said anything was because whatever kind of dysphoria I've got has been acting up and I'm trying to beat it back down with a sledge hammer. I wish I was completely androgynous and I think with some practice I might be able to accomplish that. My name is Daniel and when I was in second grade we all learned our "french" names. Mine was Danielle. There was a girl in our class named Danielle. So of course all the boys would try to tease me by calling me Danielle and saying I'm a girl. Of course I got "mad" because what else was my response supposed to be at a young age in a catholic school with two nuns staring at me down a yardstick they weren't allowed to use? In all honesty I get thrilled when I'm mistaken for a girl. It happens more when my hair gets longer and it's kind of nice because then there is no male stereotype associated with me. I love that. I still get people calling me Danielle and thinking it's a good way to tease me. I pretend to be mad but little do they know I actually like it most of the time. 

 

Well thanks and enjoy your time on this internet and planet. 

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8 hours ago, sweater said:

I guess a lot of the reason I said anything was because whatever kind of dysphoria I've got has been acting up and I'm trying to beat it back down with a sledge hammer.

Yeah, it’s a post that was actually what I needed to help me realise my own dysphoria, so I try to share it where its needed. It sounds really nice to have that sort of subtle androgyne in your life, I wish I could go by my middle name as it’s used for both boys and girls, but alas I’m stuck with a very girly name instead. 

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ElasticPlanet
On 6/19/2019 at 11:17 PM, Marcin said:

If you don't like binary genders, you can label yourself as agender. This will show you want to be associated with neither. 😺

That's kind of what I did. Picked the most negative label on the list...

 

On 6/19/2019 at 11:17 PM, Marcin said:

To be honest, I think binary genders are based on exactly that, just bunch of stupid stereotypes.

That's what I used to think... but really, the body you get (or achieve), the way you clothe and present that body, and the social categories and roles you adopt, are each important in their own right to many of us.

 

On 6/19/2019 at 8:53 PM, sweater said:

I don't know if I really feel dysphoria. I hate my male characteristics and wish I could eliminate them like the black plague. I dont want female characteristics though. I want nothing.

If both of the traditional binary body types are wrong for you - if there was no binary sex/gender that you would have liked to be assigned at birth - you're still allowed to call that dysphoria.

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