Anonymous_girl43 Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 So basically, I am in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 4 months, we had been talking for a while and decided to make it official, anyways We are kinda having the same related conversation quite a lot about how things are gunna work, so I’m asexual, I’m not interested nor wanting to have sex, however my girlfriend is quite sexual and we had a conversation last night, she’s coming over to visit me for the first time, and the conversation led to her asking about what happens if she gets to like aroused and stuff because I’m not against like kissing and little body touches, but that’s as far as I’ll go, and she keeps asking about like if we would ever have sex together and I tell her probably not i don’t know because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to bring my self to it. I used to say if I got in a relationship it would be open because I can’t offer my partner everything but I realised I can’t do that because you know I just couldn’t that, like when ever we talk about it I consider options and tell her about like if it upsets her I don’t think we should carry on because I don’t wanna restrict her from doing anything or sacrificing anything relationship important just for me, but she says she doesn’t wanna break up over it, and I don’t wanna make her feel unloved and stuff, she respects me and my boundaries but at the same time I feel she’s in a relationship where she doesn’t feel loved and is gunna be unhappy , and it breaks my heart to know that. can anyone help like is there any compromises we can come to, or something we can do to help this situation? Much appreciated ☺️🙏🏼 Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 Quote I feel she’s in a relationship where she doesn’t feel loved and is gunna be unhappy , and it breaks my heart to know that. Are you determining that, or is she? Doesn't she have the right to leave a relationship she's ultimately not happy in, just as you would? Link to post Share on other sites
Anonymous_girl43 Posted June 19, 2019 Author Share Posted June 19, 2019 1 hour ago, Philip027 said: Are you determining that, or is she? Doesn't she have the right to leave a relationship she's ultimately not happy in, just as you would? Like when we were speaking we spoke about like how we felt of each other’s body’s and shit and obviously our opinions are slightly different but also the same but she said she’s sad that our views are a little different and that she doesn’t feel like I love and adore all of her Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 It is very easy for the sexual/romantic person to feel neglected or lonely, when the physical dimension is missing! Link to post Share on other sites
QueerAroAce Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 Hmm, you said no sex, are all sexual things out of the question? Such as..um pardon me if this is too graphic, but could you finger her? Or use toys on her? You dont need to answer that if it's too personal, just throwing out some ideas. If not..hmm I guess she would need to look after her needs by herself. Wish, you both find a way to make things work, if not well at least you both gave it your all. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 You've only been in this relationship for 4 months, and it is long-distance. Thus you've not been together much (or possibly not at all). Why don't you wait until you can be together, and talk about this? There's really no way for you to decide anything now, nor can she. Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 As I understand it you have agreed to be in a "relationship" with someone prior to your first date with them and now you are having second thoughts. I just want to say that those second thoughts are fully valid and reasonable. It would be fine to tell this person that after considering the matter you just want to be friends and that you would prefer to date within your orientation. After all meeting in person likely involves a lot of effort and expense. It's not like you can just meet this person for coffee. After this person travels to meet you, you are likely to be stuck with each other for days. That could be awkward and painful if there is no chemistry or if one of you has strong feelings the other can't reciprocate. Maybe you should at least tell this person that on reflection you can't commit to a "relationship" with someone you have never met in person, and that while you are willing to go on a first date if she still wants to, there are no promises it will lead to anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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