Friendships when they get into romantic/sexual relationships with other people

[S.Smith]

I've known I was Ace for a long while and I'm out to most of my friends but how do you handle it when close friends start getting into relationships and everything else falls onto the back burner? 

 

I'm really struggling to handle the loneliness that comes from friends all finding partners and being left behind. I am very asexual and aromantic and I can't say I fully understand the boyfriend/girlfriend thing but I've seen how their attention turns inwards to each other and idk how to ask friends to remember me too. I'm not even sure if I can or should...

 

I feel like a whiny kid posting this but I'm hoping someone here might understand.

[monokuro]

this is valid, most couples only hang out with other couples anyway. find new single friends, not much else you can do. maybe a qpp (minus the q if that's not your thing) so you can at least give off the couple vibe and do all that fun couple stuff with your couple friends... like going to home depot, and bed bath & beyond.. if you have enough time. 

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Let them get over the limerence period. They'll come back to you after a while, and if they don't, they aren't your friends.

[Peachier]

when you hang out with your coupled friends, bring another single friend with you. so while they're paying attention to each other, you could just make conversation with the friend you're with so you don't feel completely left out or like a third wheel.

if the situation bothers you quite a lot, you should talk to your friends about how you feel; maybe ask them to not do so much of the intimacy between them when you're around, which they should respect as they're aware that you're both asexual and aromantic.

[Philip027]

It's understandable that for most people their romantic partners will become among their highest priorities, but if they are totally forsaking you for it, they unfortunately never really valued you that highly as a friend.  Real friends would make time for you and wouldn't have to be "reminded" of it.

[TheSunshineKid]

Just wanted to say that I feel the exact same way sometimes, it’s tough. 

 

I guess I’d recommend taking the initiative when you can, and asking them to hang out or even just starting text conversations. 

 

I don’t think it would be unreasonable to talk to one of your friends and just say something like, “hey, since you started dating so-and-so I’ve noticed that we haven’t gotten to spend much time together anymore” and ask if they have time to meet up. I think a good friend would understand, and make time for you. 

[Guest]

I've found it best to think "f-- 'em" and let them learn the hard way.

[mountaindog]

I dealt with a very similar situation last year, and I found that it was extremely unhealthy to keep my feelings bottled up inside. I was worried that it would hurt my friend's feelings or come off the wrong way to let them know how I felt, but ultimately it was a huge relief once I said what was on my mind. I think you should tell your friends how this is affecting you-- in a polite way of course. It's also important though to understand that when your friends get into relationships things aren't going to be the exactly the same as they once were, and this can be a really difficult thing to accept, as it was for me. This doesn't mean that your friends are bad people or that you can't be happy. Something that really helped me was to instead look at the situation as an opportunity to better get to know myself and invest more time into my own personal hobbies and interests. I also really recommend writing, whether it be about your day or how many different things you've done or really just whatever is on your mind. Lastly, there are almost always some single friends out there to talk to or hang out with. Even if you don't know them especially well, it can be a great chance to get to know them! I wish you the best of luck!

[secrethamster]

My best friend got so obsessed with her SO that she couldn't talk about anything else, even when our group was hanging out without him present. Currently, I have some friends who are dating and they often choose to turn regular hang-out activities into a date so I am unable to accompany them. It sucks, but eventually they'll come back. Whether they break up or just exit the "honeymoon phase," your friends won't forget about you forever. 

 

In the meantime, I recommend finding some other people to hang out with. It's not as great as being with your besties, but it's better than nothing if you are feeling lonely.

[Hylethilei]

 

 

 

On 6/19/2019 at 10:39 AM, S.Smith said:

I'm really struggling to handle the loneliness that comes from friends all finding partners and being left behind.

It's really awkward when you are over someone else's place and everyone there is in a relationship with there life partners, kinda makes me feel depressed sometimes when I am in situations like this so I know how it can be. Even worse when they all ask why you are not dating anyone and then you tell them why and they laugh in your face like your a freakshow.

 

[Guest]

I've lost a shit ton of people to dating and do the expectation of dating. I feel you.  =>=