Doubting about being aromantic? need help!

[Snufkin_Weirdo]

Im cisgirl, I came out as ace for like 2years ago. I had always known that I am asexual all my life. But now this year I came out as aromantic (2019) at the age of 28. (yes Im 28).  I had tried to have romantic relationships but it had scared the shit out of me, I got bored and had a lot of anxiety and felt very smothered about being in a relationship with someone, it really was uncomfortable, to like kiss, be very close and so on. I was also forced to have sex with 3 of the exes. (I was sex neutral/bored/repulsed and I became really sex repulsed). But now to this aromantic thing. I feel good most of the time label myself aro ace, I know I dont feel romantic attraction at all. But my brain is very denial about it tries to say that I am alloromantic, I also got PTSD. I feel good without a romantic relationship because its nothing for me anyway, but feel so alone and empty, I want some closeness, like some one be near me, like soft cuddle and hugs and some hair massage. Why do my brain messes me up like this?? Help!

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

I believe what you want is a platonic partner that you won’t have to worry about attempting to be romantic with. Aro aces sometimes partner with each other to have this type of relationship

[NickyTannock]

I've moved this thread from 'Questions about Asexuality' to 'Romantic and Aromantic Orientations'.
 
Michael Tannock,
Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator.

[NickyTannock]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I experience the same doubt, but with my Asexuality rather than my Aromanticism.
When I say that I'm Asexual, a part of me thinks that I'm lying to myself and others.
I've found that what helps is asking myself if I ever experience Sexual Attraction because the answer is a resounding no.
When I do that, my doubts disappear.
Maybe you can do the same but with Romantic Attraction?
But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction and Romantic Attraction.
What you've described sounds like Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
I don't experience any of the attraction types, but I joined the community due to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
So it's possible for you to feel like that as an Aromantic Asexual.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Sugar Beaded Peacock Cake,

[Trebledteen897]

Hey!

 

I think that many of us have experienced something similar to you, where we feel like we are lying to ourselves about a lack of a certain type of attraction (sexual, romantic etc.)

For me, I feel like there is something wrong when I think about cuddling or (very rarely) kissing and think "wait, am I allo? Is this sexual attraction?" It's hard, and it hasn't really gotten easier for me. My advice is to trust your emotions, and trust that if you do want a romantic relationship, it will feel a lot more obvious. Your feelings are valid no matter what. It seems that you enjoy platonic touching, but don't desire a romantic relationship. If that's the case, maybe talk to your friends about being more touchy with them, and see if that's okay with them. I'm the same way, and for most of my friends, it was perfectly fine when I talked to them, and for those that don't like touching as much, there was still mutual respect. Good luck!

 

Also, welcome to AVEN! Want some cake?

[Snufkin_Weirdo]

Thank you all for your support. It feel way better now. I have embraced my aromanticness more, its so new to me and Im some days the allosex alloromantic norms hits me so hard. I have told my friends I want to be more physical with them ,like hugging, and maybe cuddling if I need that or are in mood for that. They totally understand me. It feels great and Im not alone.  

[Snufkin_Weirdo]

Yes exactly what I want. More than one queerplatonic relationships. I'm polyplatonic. But I still feel that pressure from the romantic norm. Its so hard on me... 

[Snufkin_Weirdo]

I still sometimes feel this doubting about being aromantic. First I think Im so alone and the second even the thought of romantic relationship and being in love makes me disgusted. What is wrong?!

[Snufkin_Weirdo]

I feel that aromatic doesn't suit me anymore. Im kinda romance repulsed. I want to be close to one or more, without kissing & kissing. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what I even feel. I have never been a person who feel someting (romantic or alterous?) for anyone.

Unless if it's a strong connection and very rarely. Asexual was very easy to accept though.

Anyone feel the same way I do?.

 

Help pls. 

 

My twitter: @Snufkin_Weirdo