SaharaJadehart Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 There are people who think that an independent woman doesn't need to be love... What if we choose to be independent because it's difficult to find someone who can truly understand us... My friend got pressured for being single. As if it's a disease! Even if she is a pageant titleholder. I just got out of a relationship because the person I used to love doesn't understand the job I am carrying... Saving lives, facilitating those in need, and community service. Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 There's nothing wrong with being single, there was more of a stigma attatched when I was young, that said, I do come from a dysfunctional background, but back in the 70's, 80's even 90's if someone were single, they were seen as gay, there was also stigma attatched to being gay back then too, I think society is beginning to accept that there are more of us who are single than there was back then, I stopped looking for the impossible back in 1991, I was always unsuccessful in relationships, I wasn't meant to be in a relationship, I also do a job which involves working long hours, spending time away from home, my job is nowhere near as involved (or as useful) as yours @SaharaJadehart but I do spend more time away from home than at home. I guess it's different for males and females, but I feel we all have our own choices in life, if we wish to be single, what's wrong with that? We only have one life, let's live it. Take care and keep up the good work Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Mess is annoying. I saw a guy on twitter responding to an LGBTQ appreciation post talking about ‘Looking at all the women we lost to other women’ like, can you go sit down somewhere?? You act like there aren’t a ton of straight women out there for you to bother about possibly dating you. I wish people would just mind their own business and let people be Link to post Share on other sites
SaharaJadehart Posted June 20, 2019 Author Share Posted June 20, 2019 On 6/18/2019 at 2:45 PM, oldgeeza said: There's nothing wrong with being single, there was more of a stigma attatched when I was young, that said, I do come from a dysfunctional background, but back in the 70's, 80's even 90's if someone were single, they were seen as gay, there was also stigma attatched to being gay back then too, I think society is beginning to accept that there are more of us who are single than there was back then, I stopped looking for the impossible back in 1991, I was always unsuccessful in relationships, I wasn't meant to be in a relationship, I also do a job which involves working long hours, spending time away from home, my job is nowhere near as involved (or as useful) as yours @SaharaJadehart but I do spend more time away from home than at home. I guess it's different for males and females, but I feel we all have our own choices in life, if we wish to be single, what's wrong with that? We only have one life, let's live it. Take care and keep up the good work Hello @oldgeeza! Thank you for your message. My elementary teacher made a remark which I never have forgotten, what will happen when the person for you fall off the horse?! While going to you! Her aim is to discourage most of my classmate who was keen on fairy tale stories, rainbow, and jellybean. I was told that the path I choose is lonely... The more you aim high the lonelier it gets. The last person who spoke of me those words. I grew tired of explaining myself. I am like you came from a challenging background. It is really troublesome to be in a relationship with the complications. I made a vow to my first friend (She was 12 years old. She died suicide by hanging. She was a raped victim. Nobody listened to her when she was crying for help!) I said that I will do anything in my capabilities to help those I can. I see her in those people I try my best to provide community service. It's very challenging but it is what I like to do... But it is rare to have someone who has the same intention. The relationship I had, I was dishearted and my sincerity was disrespected. I don't know what to make it. The person is controlling and compassion was for selfish reasons. I don't like a person like that who fake kindness and compassion. We all have a dark chest that we don't want to discuss or that guide us of what we intend to do... Yes, we all have a choice in life! I wish to make the best out of it. I am not after for fame. I am after what my Chinese grandfather would say, "To die a noble death!". Link to post Share on other sites
Auld_Mulk Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 You will need a special kind of partner @SaharaJadehart, someone who will let your light shine. Someone who lifts you, not holds you down. He/she/they will have to be comfortable in your shadow, and confident enough to know you love him/her/them. Elton John, the superstar musician has found exactly that in David Furnish. They have been together since 1993 before same-sex unions and marriages were legal, and despite Elton John's fame and touring schedule. They even have two sons. The impossible is out there. I hope you find your impossible too. Link to post Share on other sites
SaharaJadehart Posted June 20, 2019 Author Share Posted June 20, 2019 On 6/18/2019 at 9:26 PM, Star Lion said: Mess is annoying. I saw a guy on twitter responding to an LGBTQ appreciation post talking about ‘Looking at all the women we lost to other women’ like, can you go sit down somewhere?? You act like there aren’t a ton of straight women out there for you to bother about possibly dating you. I wish people would just mind their own business and let people be @ Star Lion, thank you for the message! I have encountered guys like that... I just smiled hearing such those words from them. In my mind, I would think, they sound like someone who has what it takes to handle an effective relationship. But does they have the backbone? I wonder. The more noise and overly confident they sound the more they look untrustworthy. It's tiresome to reason with people who mind other people's business. A concern with sincerity doesn't sound bored and insecure like most of them around me and my friend who has no boyfriend since birth. She would rant on twitter when people keep on repeating the same tone to her. I who got out from a controlling relationship, walk -out from all that. Over time, I have discovered to use these words for them, "I would rather be alone than have someone rotten." I rather choose to preserve and protect those who are real and authentic than deal with those who drag people to uncomfortable situations. Link to post Share on other sites
SaharaJadehart Posted June 20, 2019 Author Share Posted June 20, 2019 1 hour ago, Auld_Mulk said: You will need a special kind of partner @SaharaJadehart, someone who will let your light shine. Someone who lifts you, not holds you down. He/she/they will have to be comfortable in your shadow, and confident enough to know you love him/her/them. Elton John, the superstar musician has found exactly that in David Furnish. They have been together since 1993 before same-sex unions and marriages were legal, and despite Elton John's fame and touring schedule. They even have two sons. The impossible is out there. I hope you find your impossible too. Hello Auld_Mulk! Thank you for the message... For me, a relationship is a partnership. I prefer we shine together. I respect math because it has a beginning and end but when your work is composed of human relations and interactions... it has a beginning and no end. What happened to my first friend, gave me a sense of purpose. She was kind and her smile was like sunshine. Growing up in a necessity love from family, I seek a peaceful and harmonious life. Even in her darkest moment, she smiled and said: "I only need just one a second chance of life." I made a vow to her, that second chance I will do my best to make one. We all have our share of mistakes in life and when we learn from it, it would be nice to have someone who will give you the courage and bravery you need to re-arrange your own stars and find authentic happiness. I like Elton John music. My most favorite is his song entitled, "Original Sin." Someone told me, we are born unique and alone even twins walks on a different path, we die differently... that is life! And because of that, it would be nice to have a companion that helps us be less lonely and shared the path with meaning! A home where you can be yourself not the mask you wear to work but you. I guess some of us are like what my teacher said, fell off the horse somewhere! Link to post Share on other sites
Liana Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Personally I view the topic this way: ”If 2 people don’t have enough in common, what’s the chance of a relationship surviving?” Being in a relationship is supposed to be a positive aspect of a person’s life, but it can also be one of the worst parts. If a straight person and a gay person tried to date and marry, problems are bound to show up and both parties would likely feel uncomfortable and out of place. People seem to be more careless with who they chose to date, which probably results in a higher rate of divorce and other problems (not saying that people shouldn’t divorce if things go wrong, but I’m saying that there was probably writing on the wall before the marriage). Personally, I would like to be in a relationship with someone, but I have yet to meet someone who I think I would have a great relationship with that would last a long time. It would be nice, but being in the wrong relationship can also bring a person down. If you’re worried about people pressuring you, remember that you’re life when it comes to dating is nobodies business other than you and whoever you are dating if you are dating a person. I’d say that men also get pressured when it comes to this, but I think that women probably have it worse when it comes to this. Link to post Share on other sites
Luftschlosseule Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Another thought: For a long time, the only possible way to survive for a woman was to be married, in lot of cases because woman were legally not allowed to hold property and thus secure a save life. It sucks but we're still in the switching phase. It is now possible to life in other ways, but the thought that a woman neeeds a man to survive is still fresh in our brains. And then there is the web that allows us to form friendship regardless of where a person lives. Online contact can't replace live contanct fully, But yeah, without the friends I reach via technology I'd be really lonely. Because, yeah, humans are group animals. We need another. But there is more than one way to love a person. Link to post Share on other sites
Auld_Mulk Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 @Luftschlosseule Quote It is now possible to life in other ways, but the thought that a woman neeeds a man to survive is still fresh in our brains. I know what you are saying here, however I have always found this mindset to be incomprehensible and down right offensive in extreme cases. Why, no really why? My reaction to oppressive controlling behaviour from men upon women, or the mentality that women exist for men ... well my heart truly aches that these men exist. And to @SaharaJadehart I totally agree with your view that a relationship is a partnership of equals. A good relationship works to better both partners equally. Stronger together than a part. You do not need to have the same strengths, in fact it is better to have differing attributes. A good match for a social outgoing extrovert might be the right quiet thinker, an introvert. You both share together all the efforts of living together, achieving together and to share the triumphs. I think you know this though. Elton John has a tragic but important meaning for me. His Good-bye England's Rose marks a fixed point in time for me, that August evening in 1997. I remember that day very well. Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 It's against the Unwritten Rules for us men to not have the hots for just any woman, but hey, the worst that's happened to me for breaking it is being socially ostracized. Better to do without than pair up with the wrong person. For me, things that turn me off are having no imagination or creative abilities, having a travel fetish (yes, there is such a thing), having/wanting kids, and being sexually active. Link to post Share on other sites
Auld_Mulk Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 I never read that Unwritten Rules book @Woodworker1968 ... and I am glad, honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 57 minutes ago, Auld_Mulk said: I never read that Unwritten Rules book @Woodworker1968 ... and I am glad, honestly. Nobody has ever read it because it's never been printed (anyone who makes the mistake of doing so would be declared persona non grata). Just the same, I've managed to hear at least 16 of the Unwritten Rules. They're not pleasant. Link to post Share on other sites
Luftschlosseule Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 9 hours ago, Auld_Mulk said: @Luftschlosseule I know what you are saying here, however I have always found this mindset to be incomprehensible and down right offensive in extreme cases. Why, no really why? My reaction to oppressive controlling behaviour from men upon women, or the mentality that women exist for men ... well my heart truly aches that these men exist. Well, today it is offensive. Welcome to the 21st century, things have changed, we all have rights now! But I believe it will get better in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
SaharaJadehart Posted June 21, 2019 Author Share Posted June 21, 2019 On 6/20/2019 at 6:47 PM, Luftschlosseule said: Another thought: For a long time, the only possible way to survive for a woman was to be married, in lot of cases because woman were legally not allowed to hold property and thus secure a save life. It sucks but we're still in the switching phase. It is now possible to life in other ways, but the thought that a woman neeeds a man to survive is still fresh in our brains. And then there is the web that allows us to form friendship regardless of where a person lives. Online contact can't replace live contanct fully, But yeah, without the friends I reach via technology I'd be really lonely. Because, yeah, humans are group animals. We need another. But there is more than one way to love a person. Hi @Luftschlosseule! Sadly, that is still being practiced in some families including my own. If only I could tell you some of it. It's tormenting I felt both my mind and heart would break... It's an invisible cage! Yes, there is a web that allows us to form friendship regardless of which country. Like AVEN, I respect the administrators who started this and the people in it. It's a place, space to think and see clearly in muddy water. And yes, there is more than one way to love a person. I have seen and known couple who went through fire and ice despite the imperfections they perfect for each other. To have that kind of partnership being considerate for each other is priceless. My friends, some of us doesn't want to pull out a person out of a hat just to fill out the pressure and convictions of other people. But honestly, even if we think more positivity we are not bulletproof, sometimes it is sharp that it can slash a piece of yourself. My friend has twitter she can rant there. (Her work is located in dangerously complicated places.) I am grateful I have you guys. Thank you for the message. Link to post Share on other sites
SaharaJadehart Posted June 21, 2019 Author Share Posted June 21, 2019 14 hours ago, Auld_Mulk said: And to @SaharaJadehart I totally agree with your view that a relationship is a partnership of equals. A good relationship works to better both partners equally. Stronger together than a part. You do not need to have the same strengths, in fact it is better to have differing attributes. A good match for a social outgoing extrovert might be the right quiet thinker, an introvert. You both share together all the efforts of living together, achieving together and to share the triumphs. I think you know this though. Elton John has a tragic but important meaning for me. His Good-bye England's Rose marks a fixed point in time for me, that August evening in 1997. I remember that day very well. Hi @Auld_Mulk! To find the balance... It would be wonderful to have that kind of match. Yes, I also like that music Good-bye England's Rose of Elton John. It's a beautifully made song. Link to post Share on other sites
Squirrel Combat Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 After many years of unsuccessful attempts at relationships, I've found that I too am probably not fit for the relationship thing either. It's less that I have commitment issues so much as I just can't find someone I truly want to be with. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 Some people are blinded by the notion of having kids, and being shacked up with someone being the only acceptable norm. When a woman announces she's getting married, what's the first batch of questions that she's asked? Her ring? Or many other questions, that have zero to do with the actual important stuff. Is she happy? Its always assumed. I've seen so many miserable couples marry under social pressure. I don't see what's so bad about being single. I think there is a major issue with pressuring someone to be okay with being in a mediocre relationship or any relationship as long as you're in one. There is no worse level of loneliness than being in a relationship that is empty or one sided. Am speaking from experience. I'm a loner by nature, so am content being alone. I never felt lonelier in such relationships, and would never want to experience that, again. There is no growth in this setting. You're best off alone. Also, why would you want to jump into a relationship like many do--crawling into one to be "saved from their current situation", vs walking into one being all you can be? Being complimented, vs being completed? To me, the latter is indicative of one not bringing their best into a relationship. Some things I'll never understand. Link to post Share on other sites
CopperTone Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 Spoiler I agree with you! So many people settle, because they are not comfortable with themselves. They feel as if they have to keep up with their family and friends who may be in relationships, good , bad or indifferent.. Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 We all have the right to make our own choices, sometimes they can end up by being mistakes, but it's our choice, I myself am single for many reasons, I don't attribute it all to my being asexual, my upbringing, the type of partner I went with, or the job I do, though admittedly, that is definitely a single persons job, it has a lot to do with my personality, things I may have said and done, even down to the type of person I am for my part, I do feel that I was destined to be single, I always felt that I'd end up on my own, but I'm not alone, I have some extremely good friends, a good network of people around me, they mean a lot to me, I don't need to be in a relationship or have a partner to be happy, I'm happy to be myself, many don't like me for who I am, some think that a fifty something single person has "something wrong with them" that's fine, that's what they think, who am I to judge them on their thoughts? This is the life I'm used to, it's my life, I'm content with it as it is, whatever others think of me, that's their choice, we all have one life, it's up to us to live it as we want to, not as society dictates to us we "should" live our lives Link to post Share on other sites
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