certified_space_ace Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I've been struggling with depression for a long time while also trying to come to terms with being ace/figuring out my romantic orientation. I can't decide if the depression makes the ace stuff harder or vice versa...I just know it's hard and I'm always getting fed up just wishing I was normal. Anyone else out there dealing with mental illness? Did/do you feel like it made it harder to come to terms with your identity? Link to post Share on other sites
Zagadka Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I've been dealing with these issues my entire life. What I can say is that I've recently felt a lot better coming to terms with myself discovering this kind of stuff, ending years of doubt and self-blame. Just knowing that my feelings are valid helps, and I can reassess my relationships. It is at least a set of issues I can set aside for focus on the rest. I'm still in the phases of figuring these things out, so that is on my mind, too, but I feel like I have more time, more space to breath, and a more comfortable outlook on the future. I used to worry a lot about the time I have left and having to face a relationship by then. Knowing that you aren't an outcast facing things alone helps a lot, in both sexuality and in depression itself. It took me a while to get rid of the cynical thoughts of people not being able to understand me and to accept support of other people, but I've made progress. Like I've said, i am still figuring out what to tell my therapist the next time i see her. I'm not entirely sure how this all fits into my depression yet. Link to post Share on other sites
songbyrd44 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Well, I don't currently deal with depression, but I did during 2013-2015. And I still have to live with anxiety (particularly social anxiety) and insomnia sometimes. I wasn't dealing with my depression when I discovered I'm ace, but I was struggling to understand myself during that time. I hadn't heard of the term asexual at that point and just figured I was too emotionally closed-off or damaged to feel attraction the way others around me did. I hear you and I understand the struggle of wishing you were normal. It can be difficult to deal with. If you ever need to talk, ask any questions, or just vent, please feel free to message me anytime! Do you have people close to you that are willing and able to help you through this time? Having a loving support system is literally the best thing you can have, whether it's made of family, friends, people here on AVEN, someone else, or some combination. Link to post Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I’ve struggled with depression for the bulk of my life. Not gonna lie, being ace doesn’t help. It comes with a lot of extra stressors. I’ve had a lot of breakdown moments where I’ve just wanted to be “normal”. The thing is I can’t be, I’m not going to magically turn into someone else, and I love the person I’ve grown up to be, and being ace is a big part of who I am. Therapy has been a big help for me, that and finding a close network of people I can trust and open up to. It might sound cheesy, but it does get better I swear Link to post Share on other sites
1compositionbook Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I am dealing with a few mental illnesses, including depression. I want you to know you are not alone and you are so very strong! Depression is excruciatingly painful and you deserve a life you love! My mental illnesses have made knowing who I am pretty difficult. In the past when I first got them, I couldn't even stand who I was. One of the hardest parts is loving yourself. I encourage you to love who you are, even if you are confused. Something that helps, even though it sounds weird, is trying to view yourself from the outside. You are a strong woman who is bravely battling her depression and discovering herself. You're doing the best you can, and just from that you deserve so much. If loving yourself is too hard immediately, try respecting yourself; you've come so far! No matter what your sexual and romantic orientation are, people will support and love you! Don't feel pressured to figure out everything about who you are right now! I know this sounds stupidly cheesy, but the best way I can put it is you can't force a flower to bloom. I understand how you feel about wanting to be normal. Like, if I just wasn't like this I'd be happy, etc. All I can really say is it gets better. It might take awhile, it might be sooner than you think, but one day you'll realize that things are slowly starting to get better. In the meantime, yeah, depression is crap, but it's not who you are. I've personally tried to embrace my struggling self. Like, heck yeah I have issues, they make me stronger and see things differently, heck yeah I'm kinda weird, I'm glad I am 'cause normal people are boring and I'm glad boring doesn't understand me. bottom line, you are loved and unique, don't let anything cause you to feel otherwise! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I'm suffering from major depressive disorder, panic disorder, and borderline personality disorder! Its such a pain. I wish I was normal but then again no one can tell me what normal is. It did make it harder to come to terms with my asexuality because I was scared it was one more pathological problem, even though it is perfectly acceptable thing that, while rare, is real. Its hard sometimes to deal with all of it, but you gotta keep going! People love me, and I at least owe them a effort at living. Link to post Share on other sites
certified_space_ace Posted June 18, 2019 Author Share Posted June 18, 2019 19 hours ago, Zagadka said: Knowing that you aren't an outcast facing things alone helps a lot, in both sexuality and in depression itself. It took me a while to get rid of the cynical thoughts of people not being able to understand me and to accept support of other people, but I've made progress. This is definitely true. I think there's a big difference, though, between knowing that there are people like you and actually knowing people like you. Which is why I'm here. So, thank you all for sharing. It really means a lot! 18 hours ago, 1compositionbook said: You are a strong woman who is bravely battling her depression and discovering herself. You're doing the best you can, and just from that you deserve so much. If loving yourself is too hard immediately, try respecting yourself; you've come so far! No matter what your sexual and romantic orientation are, people will support and love you! Don't feel pressured to figure out everything about who you are right now! I know this sounds stupidly cheesy, but the best way I can put it is you can't force a flower to bloom. Thank you so much. This is truly so kind (and got me choked up a little tbh). It can be hard to hear "it gets better" without thinking "when?!" But it's good to see people who have come out the other side, as well as people who are still going through the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
verymelancholic Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 I haven't been formally diagnosed (mental healthcare system here is both ridiculously expensive and broken), but I understand what you're going through. Coming to terms with my aromanticism and asexuality is quite difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Madao Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 I am not diagnosed with any mental illness, but I did experience depression some months ago, though I wasn't formally diagnosed. Being ace didn't make it better. I have a very negative self-image and I feel anxious, so being ace makes me feel broken at times. To make matters worse, not knowing my romantic orientation makes me even more susceptible to self-hate, as everyone around me has figured out who they like, while I feel I am the only one who hasn't. The best way to deal with these things is to just things go with the flow? It's better to just start accepting that part of yourself, because you don't need answers or labels for everything. Just keep living and fighting! Depression can be a tough time, but there will always be people around you who will like you as you are no matter how weird you are. Lots of love to you. 💜 Link to post Share on other sites
Morgan123 Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Trying to figure out my identity was difficult enough already, but depression and anxiety amplified my hopelessness and lack of belonging. I’ve been struggling with eating disorders for a while, but it took a lot longer to realise that they were because of body dysphoria. It all feeds into each other: the self-doubt, the hate, the guilt, the loneliness, the isolation. That nagging feeling of “Who am I kidding? I don’t belong here.” To be honest, realising I was gay was the one thing I was sure about and no one could take that away from me, no matter how much I doubted everything else. But I’ll always be in awe of you brave people. You’re braver than me, I’ll tell you that. Good luck kiddos. x Link to post Share on other sites
Chamomile_Serenity Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 On 6/17/2019 at 11:29 PM, certified_space_ace said: Anyone else out there dealing with mental illness? Did/do you feel like it made it harder to come to terms with your identity? I've lived with mental health issues for many years and it did affect how I saw myself as a person. In my case that something was inherently "wrong" about who I was. Interestingly enough my sexuality or rather lack thereof was never a factor in my consideration during the times I struggled. If anything I struggled with th thought that no one would ever love me and all of my "flaws". So I had a hard time coming to terms with my identity not because of my labels I chose, but because of the labels I didn't want to own. "Broken" was an identity marker my rebellious side fought to relinquish. Depression can truly be debilitating and because of that, identity is often wrapped around the depression and its affects. However, when I began to define myself for myself it became easier for me to come to terms with all of who I was including the fact that yes, I experience mental health symptoms but no they did not define me. Yes, I identify as Ace but no it doesn't define me. We are not one or even two-dimensional characters. Our identity is just as fluid and ever-evolving as we are. Knowing that changed the game for me. Here's to you finding the game changer for yourself so that you can come to terms with whoever you decide you want to be. Link to post Share on other sites
certified_space_ace Posted June 23, 2019 Author Share Posted June 23, 2019 On 6/20/2019 at 3:21 PM, Morgan123 said: But I’ll always be in awe of you brave people. You’re braver than me, I’ll tell you that. Good luck kiddos. x It seems to me you're plenty brave. You may be struggling, but struggling means you're still trying, and that's the bravest thing you can do. I should probably try to internalize that myself, eh? 3 hours ago, Chamomile_Serenity said: Our identity is just as fluid and ever-evolving as we are. Knowing that changed the game for me. Here's to you finding the game changer for yourself so that you can come to terms with whoever you decide you want to be. I so want to find that thing. Everyone always tells me "you never know what's going to happen" and I can cope with that (kind of). But when I think about how I don't even know what I want out of life, much less how to get it...that's when I really start to despair. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope there's an "aha!" moment in my future, too. Link to post Share on other sites
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