Are you an individualist, a loner, or gregarious?

[Cate Perfect]

Davel: Hear! Hear! I can't stand that, I've known you for two seconds and we have one thing in common so we're 'friends'. Uh, just because we're both right handed doesn't mean jack, bucko. I love that saying that there are two sorts of friends: the sort that will help you move and the sort that will help you move a body. I want/like one or two 'move a body' friends rather than fifty 'move house' friends. Why is 'acquaintance' a dirty word?

Cate

[JKReagan99]

I think that is how I felt in middle and high school. No one really knew me, nor did I really want them to know me, and I never really considered them friends, mostly just aquaintances, even though a lot of them would consider themselves friends... :? it did bug me...

[bard of aven]

...there are two sorts of friends: the sort that will help you move and the sort that will help you move a body....

Victoria Iphigenia?????

boa

[Jordan]

I'm a loner at school. But at home everything is different.

Man I wish all those loud mouthed kids at school would shut the hell up. :evil:

[Gorax]

I think I am a mix between individualist and loner.

[Elf people]

I have changed quite a bit in the past 2-3 years regarding this subject: in the past I was quite the shy and quiet the loner type with only one or two best friends. Then during my undergrad I drifted in and out of groups-all different kinds. I remember that I used to blush quite often and could not really speak in public. Somewhere along the line I must have outgrown this so that if I tell people that I used to be shy they just grunt and say something like "Yeah Right!-you shy? It would have to be the end of the world for that to happen?" lol Even I am beginning to wonder if it was ever true-makes me wonder about a lot of things actually.

I still prefer the company of close friends though to the company of ppl I just hang around with. Asexuality for me has gotten in the way in the past in the sense that I have left with nothing to talk about when conversation inclined towards romance and relationships. And also in the more painful way in which my close friends drifted away from me whenever they got into a serious relationship.

Another factor which I have been reminded of is the extremely individualistic or independent aspect of myself. I do not like being kept track of-I don't know if anyone else here has experienced it either with their family members or friends but- I get annoyed when ppl keep a quasi-log of me such that were I to turn to some previous date I could find anything I had eaten, said, done, worn etc etc on that day. :roll: In fact, it seems quite hilarious-hey mind your own business, come on even I don't remember those details about what I did etc etc (all of this reminds me suspiciously of a crush :evil: -and an immature one at that- although of course according to my theory that should not be possible for me). I consider this aspect of myself a hindrance to any serious relationship-a hindrance that exists separate from my asexuality.

[Ack42]

I most fit the category of Individualist but I also like one-on-one interactions with a few close friends...

[veritas]

A fascinating question.

I am most often described by my closest friends as gregarious, and thus have cast my vote to identify myself as they would describe me. But my closest friends also describe me as 'selfish' and 'stingy' with my time as there are some activities - from extended solo backpacking trips to watching movies - that I prefer to do alone. I consider my behavior balanced, and have a number of friends who are like minded yet not asexual.

[whisper in a crowd]

I'm an individualist. I enjoy being alone. At the college I go to, I do have some people I talk with. Some days I talk a lot, and on others I don't feel like talking at all, and then I'll only say something when necessary. I prefer one to one talks to large groups. Large groups make me feel uncomfortable, and then I don't dare to say anything at all.

[Autumn]

I cant say i fit either of those three catagories.... im perfectly happy to follow the crowd unless i feel strongly about something, i like my solitude but i also enjoy going out partying and meeting new people.

I guess i would tick the fourth option, i enjoy hanging out with people but most of the time i stick to my group of friends, though thats more for convenience sake than anything else... oh and of course because i enjoy their company.

[bard of aven]

Hmm. At this point, I would say I am not a loner but a recluse: I do not avoid others so much as I actively seek solitude.

boa

[wombat]

I'm VERY extraverted. Kicked back...relax. Smile to people. And apparently i'm a fun guy to be around.

I personally love hanging out with people....but i only really hang out, at least closely, with my friends. Good friends they be as well.

But yeah....Asexuality, for the most part, is fairly introvert oriented. But...EH! That's what i say...

DO THE FISH DANCE!

[Meloira]

I consider myself a mixture of the choices. Therefore.....

I'm an individualist--especially after work when I like to be alone with my thoughts and need a nice, quiet winding down. Very important.

As a loner, I tend to avoid people. Speaking to groups has never bothered me and I've done some acting in school so I'm fine with being in front of people. However, I've never thought of myself as a good conversationalist and would rather avoid even the most shallow of topics with co-workers, etc. I have my serious face I like to use to keep people at bay. It works too! In college and now at work it's gotten back to me by word of mouth people are afraid of me and my serious expression. Oh, I dislike speaking on the phone too.

Like someone further up in the thread--sorry, can't remember your name --my friends tell me I'm gregarious. I can be a big cut up but I admit to being hard to get to know. I don't trust easily, more so if you're a man. Although I do have one guy friend I love being with more than anyone and whose company is stimulating and comforting. We worked in the same building for almost two years before I would actually say more than one word to him. Then one day, BOOM, it's like it was the most natural thing in the world to talk to him for hours. For me that was weird.

So I do enjoy being around people, it's just certain people though. I tend to loathe family get-togethers, even though I love my family, and once I'm with them I try to avoid them at all costs. Those are the times I'd love to be a hermit. :lol:

[pejoratist]

I hate everyone. It's so much easier than being selective with hate, really.

[junie99]

I voted individualist.

[Obsidian]

I'm definately a loner.

Icarus said:

The "loner" part is more due to circumstance than choice. People in general just don't give a damn about me and my company, and I don't have situations I can be in where I can have meaningful interaction with a lot of people. Because of it I've been largely alone in the world the majority of my adult life

This is exactly the same for me. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Yeah, I'm with the rest of you. I agree with the whole 'friend' thing. People use the word way too casually. 'Acquaintance' is the correct term to use.

A 'friend' is someone I see as a person who cares, someone to hang out with, chat to, have fun with and accepts you (even for being asexual )

I don't see the point in being called 'friends', when I only see the person like once every 6 mths and the conversation lasts for like 2 minutes.

I especially don't like those people who hang around and insist all the time that 'we're friends' in order just to use you and to get something, and for the rest of the time they ignore you. Or they only acknowledge you when it's convenient for them.

Like when you go out, you don't see them for the whole night and then they expect you to give them a lift home (that's like 20 mins out of your way) because 'we're friends'. Or they pick up the phone to call you, as if they're really interested in your life, only to find out lo and behold that they want to borrow some notes from college just because they were too lazy to get out of bed, or couldn't be bothered to sit through a lecture. And if I say something to them about this I usually get the reply 'well no wonder you don't have any real 'friends'.

It's just pathetic. I don't know. Maybe I just have a warped sense of what friendship entails.

OK, I've had my whinge, I'm over it :D

[Tanasha]

I'm like Boa, a recluse. Almost always happy to be alone. I'm not mean or grumpy in social situations, but I'll be more involved and stuff when I feel like joining in. (Or if around my friends. Which I'm not really that close to, really.)

[TatTvamAsi]

:? I guess I would fall under loner. I don't mind people, but I'm obsessive about my interests, so it is very hard for me to relate to others unless I can relate to them thru my interests.

When I leave work, my night is consumed by books, news, and trying to learn. I watch the tv out of the corner of my eye, but I'm trapped in my interests.

When I talk to people I have no small talk to banter about, but if a topic that my persuits are tied to is raised, then I can talk and relate for hours.

I don't go seeking friendships or relationships, because I have my books and my hobbies, so the only way I make friends is if they occur from my interests.

Kinda hard to explain, but I've lived my entire life that way. I know no other way to relate.

[Guest starling]

There's more than just enjoyment: being around other people is the best way to get connections, stuff, assistance, aid, community. That sort of thing. It also gets kind of old talking to yourself all the time; fresh opinions and brains aside from my own are extremely valuable.

I enjoy being around other people, the way a marathon runner enjoys running 20 miles every day. It's very draining to be around people, although I have found better ways to deal with it lately that are only moderately creepy. I just go into wallflower mode and enjoy the ambience without being involved. And in the end, weakened and breathless, I retreat to my cave and close the door behind me, closing my eyes in the silence, and smile.

[mizkitty2107]

Well, something tells me you guys already know my choice! I'm one of those gregarious people - I like to be everyones friend. Usually it makes me very happy to help people out, but there are a few that have really hurt my feelings by taking advantage of that so I can see the advantages of being a loner too.

[ChaliceFlame]

I can't reply to your survey because I don't fit any of those.

I like being alone and I like other people equally.

[LostDaemon]

I have a few very close friends that I regard as family, a larger circle of acquaintances, but I do prefer to be on my own. I've always been independent - mostly because as a child I really had no choice. Latch-key kid and all, working parents that never had time for me, ADHD and some severe social awkwardness (until I learned to fake it well enough) will alienate a kid.

Even now, as an example, I choose to eat on my own. My mother or I will cook dinner, and she'll sit down at the dinner table to eat. I'll load up a plate, and then I'll go off and eat in my room. I don't mean to be rude, but I just don't want to be around people all that often. I'll even eat on my own, or at least leave the table as soon as I've finished, when we have guests.

The only exceptions to this preference are my best friend, and my boyfriend to a lesser extent. My best friend and I can sit in a room, each doing our own thing, without speaking for hours, and be perfectly content just knowing that the other person is there. My boyfriend demands more attention, but I truly prefer the silent enjoyment of another person's company.

So I'm a loner by choice. I would have chosen loner on the poll, except that people gravitate towards me, not away from me, and I'm the one that avoids them.

-LD

[Metaleaf dan Blorie]

Hmm. Definitely individualist. Alone is the best way to be.

As for small talk, there seem to be fundamental rules to that particular social grace that I just can't grasp . . . so why bother with it?

I do enjoy - even need, occasionally - the company of some people - mostly my family and people I've known for a long time, and mainly because they know when to leave me alone. Other folks just seem to drain my energy away.

[McPhail]

Hullow,

People suck generally, but there two or three people whom I like hanging round with. They are sexuals, but are intelligent enough not to push it in my face. That doesn't matter anyway, since they are really cool people.

In school, I hardly ever socialised. Yah, as above, I prefer the company of those I know well enough to trust. But generally, alone is much less complicated and compromising than being in a large herd. lar lar ...lar. I am a mix of Individual and Loner *cough* and Geek *cough*. ;)

:D

[Islander9]

Hmm, the categories dont quite fit:

I am regularly called a 'recluse', mainly because I live in a remote area.

I am not a recluse.

I have a large circle of acquaintances - but my contact with them is occaisional, and mainly limited to cities.

I have a few good friends,whose occaisional company I really enjoy. We

all like food and wine, and conversation.

Above all, I'm part of a large family group, and I treasure my family.

But since early adulthood, I've always lived by myself (with family occaisionally staying for up to a month or so.)

I enjoy my own company. I need solitude.

And note the re-iteration of 'occaisional/ly'...

Kia ora - Islander9, who just heard a neighbour drive past on his quadbike but is thankful that sound has been replaced by the sound of the surf, and the v. quiet hum of my G4 Mac...

[Twitch]

i prefer my own company although i have a few close friends. i have no problems there because somehow i made very accepting friends, most of whom either have little interest in sex or seem to be asexual. i do a lot alone though. i even take myself out on "dates". hey its better that way!

[maia]

i prefer my own company although i have a few close friends. i have no problems there because somehow i made very accepting friends, most of whom either have little interest in sex or seem to be asexual. i do a lot alone though. i even take myself out on "dates". hey its better that way!

You sound exactly like me. I like taking myself out to the cinema, especially when theres only a few other people there and none of them are chronic text messagers, noisy children, loud talkers, chronic coughers, popcorn rustlers etc..

[Twitch]

people who only date other people dont have an idea how great it is to take yourself out. you can do what you want, eat what you want, wear what you want...no one to please but yourself and no pressure. it encourages self-love. i also leave myself "love notes" funny things like how i enjoyed curling up with a book and thanking myself and of course calling myself an a-sexy beast. that always makes me smile. :D

[Kilraven]

While reading some of the old posts here, I noticed several people mentioning how they are individualists, or loners because of their asexuality. So, I thought it'd be pretty interesting to see just how many rugged individualists, loners (for lack of a better word), and gregarious (social) people we have here.

I classify myself as a "loner" but based on the definitions of the poll I would be an "individualist".

Yesterday at work, being the last regular workday before Hallowe'en, a lot of us dressed up in costume. (Me, I wore my Star Fleet uniform, like I do every year, and got a lot of favourable comments about it.) And several people asked me what I was doing after work or on Saturday night (ie, tonight), and were shocked or surprised when I responded "nothing". No, I am not going to any parties. Yesterday I spent a quiet evening alone at home watching TV; today I am going shopping (groceries), and will spend the evening alone at home watching movies on video (as there's nothing good on TV on Saturdays). I have no problem with this -- I spend my workday around people, and so I find spending time alone at home to be relaxing and a welcome respite from the busy work world. Yet people seem to find something wrong with me because I don't socialize more.

I realize I might be going just a wee bit off topic, but I suspect most asexual people are also introverts who like spending time alone.

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Topper Harley (Charlie Sheen): "I could never find time for love -- too heavy -- it's an anchor that drowns a man. Besides, I've got the sky, the smell of jet exhaust, my bike."

Friend: "A loner."

Topper: "No, I own it."

(from the movie "Hot Shots!")

[Silly Green Monkey]

There's someone in my area who wears a uniform too, a late DS9-Voyager uniform. I really want a pattern for a TNG jumpsuit, so that I can pick the materials.