Jonnyb7283 Posted June 17, 2019 Share Posted June 17, 2019 I’ve been in a relationship with my amazing partner for over a year now. She is ace, I am not. Ive never once thought about sex with her. I even stopped having sexual desires at all for a while, but lately I’ve just had sex on my mind. And of course I’m way to afraid to bring this up to my partner because I don’t want to scare her. She has made it very clear she never wants to have sex, how could I bring this up without scaring her or in a way it wouldn’t seem like I was asking for sex. I truly love this woman and if she would have me I’d gladly spend the rest of my life with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonnyb7283 Posted June 17, 2019 Author Share Posted June 17, 2019 There comes the issue, I actually don’t want sex but would like to discuss this problem with my partner. As i said I would gladly live the rest of my life with her, and yes very happily. I don’t need sex, or even want it anymore, but it seems my body and brain want sex right now. It does make sense seeing that I’m a mid 20’s male. Damn hormones are all screaming for me to reproduce, but I personally could care less. Link to post Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving Posted June 17, 2019 Share Posted June 17, 2019 18 minutes ago, Jonnyb7283 said: There comes the issue, I actually don’t want sex but would like to discuss this problem with my partner. As i said I would gladly live the rest of my life with her, and yes very happily. I don’t need sex, or even want it anymore, but it seems my body and brain want sex right now. It does make sense seeing that I’m a mid 20’s male. Damn hormones are all screaming for me to reproduce, but I personally could care less. If you don’t want sex per se, might masturbation quiet what you’re currently feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
Jonnyb7283 Posted June 18, 2019 Author Share Posted June 18, 2019 I’m not sure how to put it into words. I don’t want sex, but it keeps popping into my mind. Not masturbation, I can do that anytime. Not sure how to word my questions Link to post Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 8 hours ago, Jonnyb7283 said: I’m not sure how to put it into words. I don’t want sex, but it keeps popping into my mind. Not masturbation, I can do that anytime. Not sure how to word my questions Is this kind of it... While you don't necessarily want to act on the thoughts by having sex, you want to be able to talk to your partner about it because part of a close relationship involves being able to be open and honest, and she's the person you look to for support and understanding? Link to post Share on other sites
Jonnyb7283 Posted June 19, 2019 Author Share Posted June 19, 2019 22 hours ago, AceMissBehaving said: Is this kind of it... While you don't necessarily want to act on the thoughts by having sex, you want to be able to talk to your partner about it because part of a close relationship involves being able to be open and honest, and she's the person you look to for support and understanding? Yes, this is it. I just want to talk and let her understand the problem I’m having. It’s just super scary because it’s been the only subject that’s been off limits. I don’t want to think that she would be upset with me, but it’s still scary. Link to post Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 2 hours ago, Jonnyb7283 said: Yes, this is it. I just want to talk and let her understand the problem I’m having. It’s just super scary because it’s been the only subject that’s been off limits. I don’t want to think that she would be upset with me, but it’s still scary. It's a tricky thing to navigate, because you can't control the other person's feelings, and it can be hard as the the ace on the other side to not feel either guilt or pressure at first. I'm assuming you're not looking for her to solve the problem, and just want to be heard? Maybe there needs to be different conversation first. One that essentially opens up, and negotiates a line of communication where the two of you can discuss your feelings about sex at any given time, and establishes them as an intimate sharing of inner feelings, which don't need solutions. One way could be to start by talking about her inner word on the subject first, and kind of model the path by listening with interest, without judgement, solutions, just interest and love. The closest thing I can think of is advice usually associated with people dealing with depression... Quote “Be understanding and listen.” Watching a loved one go through a difficult time may leave you searching for the perfect solution. Practical advice and tips can help, but sometimes rather than trying to 'fix a problem', it's better to listen to your partner. Be a safe place for them to turn to. Don’t dismiss their feelings. I'm trying to think of some kind of wording that fits this situation but drawing a blank right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonnyb7283 Posted June 20, 2019 Author Share Posted June 20, 2019 Thank you, maybe this weekend I might try to talk about it. I’ll try to make it perfectly clear that I’m not looking for sex, but just looking for some emotional support and love from her Link to post Share on other sites
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