My friend suggested threesome, am i overreacting if i block her?

[Faile]

I became friends with my neighbour about a year ago. She's been nice and all but i moved to another town since i got into college. She calls me every now and then but last time we talked shit got weird.

She asked me why i didn't have a girlfriend and i just said 

"Oh, because i'm gay."

I usually pull up the 'i'm straight" or "i'm gay" card depending who asks, it is a time saver. She says that she and her boyfriend have been thinking about doing a threesome. Clear invitation, i decline and then she asks, for fucking real, why am i gay.

I explain, and then she goes:

"Ah thats unfortunate, if you were straight i would totally fuck you." Great, i'll put it to my resume son. She has called me after that couple of times but i've been planning to block her. But i'm not sure if i'm overreacting, she didn't really do anything but give it a try and otherwice she's a chill person. We talk about this and that but every now and then i just feel uncomfortable, and don't want to see her irl again.

[Member131995]

OMG...okay first of all, no. You're not overreacting and it's perfectly fine you feel uncomfortable. 

 

I had a similar experience, but I'm not wanting to write a book about me on your thread😅

 

I felt uncomfortable too and actually thought I was being unreasonable, I ghosted her, but it made me feel so weird, so I think you're well within your right feeling the way you do.

[blunose2772]

Hard call. I know people won't take no for an answer so it would be easier to block her. You gotta do what you feel is right but I'd probably go ahead and block her.

[Lord Jade Cross]

.

[Zagadka]

If you feel uncomfortable around her, by all means don't feel like you have to. "No" is not an overreaction if she can't accept that. It sounds like you've gone out of your way to remain civil, which is great, but you don't have an obligation to her.

[Atrytone]

Not an overreaction, especially if you asked her to back off and she didn't.

[Sally]

You could tell her "If you continue to talk about possible sexual activity between us, we can't be friends anymore."  Then if she does, or argues about it, block her.  At least you've given her notice.  

[thylacine]

She sounds like a creep and a weirdo.  Stay away from her.  That's all.  Maybe if you dump her, she'll learn not to be such a creep.

[kelico]

You're not overreacting, for sure. You've been really nice and understanding about the whole thing...but she needs a legit warning about this, and blocking her might be best. If you're uncomfortable, then you have every right to block her, especially if she doesn't respect your boundaries.

[monokuro]

slight overreaction. you can hardly call it a fair assessment if you left her thinking you were gay and not ace. the whole 'that's unfortunate.. i'd fuck you' comment may have still happened, or it may have stimulated a whole other train of thought on their part. 

 

easier said than done i'm sure. i probably wouldn't have come out as ace either. but at the very least, you could be vocal about how the initial and subsequent comments made you feel uncomfortable. if she's got any potential as an actual friend, she'll respect the boundary you put up. 

 

i met someone about a year ago (we were both pretty drunk) and the topic quickly veered into sex, relationships, and availability. she was polyamorous, married, and looking. i immediately made it known that i was not into it and wouldn't available for sex. we've been pretty decent friends since and she's never again brought it up. 

[Auld_Mulk]

I am not going to advice the ban button yet.  I do not know the extent of your friendship with this woman. 

 

Before everything got weird, did you like her as a friend?  Did you enjoy spending time with this person?  How well do you know her, as a person?  She could be exploring a possible crush on you.  You told her a lie.  We aces do that for a number of reasons, but if you think she is a good friend, don't you think she should be told the truth? 

 

I am not certain what you meant by "I explain, and then she goes: ".  Did you explain your Aro/Aceness?  Could it be that she does not understand what being aromantic asexual means?  Her reaction sounds like joking around, though ignorant of that fact it was completely inappropriate. 

[Liana]

I’d assume that in her mind she saw what she said as a complement. I don’t know the extent of your relationship with her, but she really should’ve changed the topic when you responded with “no”. If I was in your situation I would block her, then again I’ve told people that I will block them if they send me sex related stuff.

 

If I was a close enough friend with someone that they’d actually consider asking me that, I would assume that they’d know that I have 0 interest in anything sexually related, in which case they’d already be able to guess the answer. 

 

I would say that you have 2 options:

1) block her; if you have mutual friends that could be difficult

2) wait and see what happens the next time you interact with her; does she apologize or pretend that it doesn’t happen? Does she try pushing the subject more? See how she treats your response if you think that you could still be her friend and get along with her otherwise.

[Homer]

Asking is fair game, especially if you haven't been honest to her about your orientation. How is she supposed to know? It's not like you have your disinterest written all over your forehead... Then you say you "explain", but don't say what you explain - did you clarify that you're not into her/her partner/the idea of a threesome/blah, did you make up a "reason for being gay", did you do something else? The "ah I totally would've fucked you if you had been interested" line wasn't exactly necessary, but I see it as nothing more than a closing remark.

[Faile]

Okay there's quite a lot of feedback, so i'm taking my time reading these and will reply soon.

[Goonie]

If it were to happen to me, I'd also factor in how close (proximity) of a neighbor it is, and how often I see her. Where I live, I can totally ghost, avoid and block a neighbor without many issues.

[Guest]

I've been in a similar situation, with a female friend not wanting to take no for an answer (just wasn't being offered a threesome--she was wanting to hook up and wanted a casual friendship with me and I wasn't interested in her).

 

I think you need to make your boundaries clear, and firmly while still showing that friend respect in doing so.

 

If they can't take the "rejection", and things get awkward afterwards, then you're well within your rights to block or stop talking to them. You going ahead, and putting down your boundaries, at least gives you an opportunity to salvage the friendship with zero regrets.

 

If she isn't prepared to respect your boundaries you have no made clear--she doesn't respect you, or your friendship. Life is way too short for friends like that in it.

 

In my case, she tried gaslighting me into feeling horrible about walking away from a woman like her (I just wasn't interested--but she tried to make me feel like I was a horrific person). So she tried to chisel away my confidence, until I complied with her forceful ways.

 

So I went from polite, to very blunt, and she got the message clearly an we stopped talking. Hopefully your friend has respect for you, but this is where you'll find out.

[Guest]

Definitely not overreacting. Boundaries are a thing and she was delving into the deep rhelms of 'none of her business'. If she asks, just be honest with her and let her know how you feel. Nobody should be spoken to like that.

[AceyMacey]

You are completely justified in blocking her. You made it clear you weren't interested and she won't leave you alone so that's completely acceptable.

[- Saph -]

On 6/15/2019 at 12:53 AM, Faile said:

I usually pull up the 'i'm straight" or "i'm gay" card depending who asks, it is a time saver.

One does not always win to this game. 😅

 

You are not overreacting if they don't respect your rejection. But they may not trust you due to you not being honest before.

[Carmine88]

Well you can block someone for any reason you want. If  there's a chance you might see her in public however I'd consider your options. Might be awkward otherwise, though I suppose at this point it already will be.

[Faile]

For people pointing out i'm not being honest by saying "I'm gay."

It really doesn't matter to her, since i will never tell her about my asexuality. Think about stereotypical Alabama citizen, that's her. She'll never get it. I'm not close to my neighbour, she just likes to talk a lot and starts talking where ever she sees me; Going to the store, reading in my backyard etc. We exchanged phone numbers whens he heard i also play Pokemon go, and wated to go play it with me some day.

 

So now thats out of the way, i blocked her because i realised i really don't care about her. Also hearing someone ask you "Why are you gay?" just fucking ended me, she is 25 years old like what the actual fuck. She didn't even mean it as a joke. Lowkey should've just ended our "friendship" right there and then. I blocked her number about a week ago so everything is well.

Thank you all for the responses!