i am nobody Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 so, i figured out my discomfort with (sexual and) romantic things while in a relationship with a very romantic person. i tried bringing it up to him when i was still questioning wether or not i was aro (or ace or both) and he just said "what would that make me? some sort of justified friend?" so i dropped it and we haven't talked about it since but he seems to be getting more and more upset and insecure everytime i avoid holding hands and he's always so proud when he tells people he has a boyfriend, it just makes me feel awful. i know i should bring it up and just be honest with him but how do i actually communicate with him about wanting a queerplatonic relationship instead of a romantic one? Link to post Share on other sites
TheSunshineKid Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 You’re definitely right that you need to talk to him about this, for both of your sakes. Perhaps the best thing to do would be to find a time to sit down with him and explain not only what you’ve written above, but also what a QPR is to you. I would imagine that someone who is romantic (I’m not either, so just guessing) might have a harder time understanding the difference between a QPR and a friendship. So whatever the difference is to you (level of commitment, emotional closeness, etc.) be sure to tell him that you aren’t trying to end your relationship, but change it. That being said, it is possible that he won’t want to be in a QPR, but that’s something it’s probably better to know now. Hopefully, though, communicating with him will help both of you feel better about your relationship. I hope this helps! Good luck, and let us know how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
TurnedTurtle Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 59 minutes ago, TheSunshineKid said: ....might have a harder time understanding the difference between a QPR and a friendship. So whatever the difference is to you (level of commitment, emotional closeness, etc.) be sure to tell him that you aren’t trying to end your relationship, but change it. Are you really trying to change the relationship, or just define it and set boundaries? In other words, how would a QPR be different from the relationship you have with him now? But yes, it takes communication --- as hard as that often is when it comes to this stuff! Link to post Share on other sites
BeakLove Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 1 hour ago, TheSunshineKid said: I would imagine that someone who is romantic (I’m not either, so just guessing) might have a harder time understanding the difference between a QPR and a friendship. So whatever the difference is to you (level of commitment, emotional closeness, etc.) be sure to tell him that you aren’t trying to end your relationship, but change it. In this instance QPR is likely either going to come off like an attempt to get out of the relationship without actually having the stones to end it or as a second rate consolation prize. OP, Rather than using a phrase that he won't understand just be honest and say you have no attraction to him and there are no prospects of same developing. It's never easy breaking up but if you care about this person you at least owe them clarity. Link to post Share on other sites
misswinchester Posted June 17, 2019 Share Posted June 17, 2019 Yeah, I agree with what's been said. Whatever label you use doesn't actually change the relationship that you have. I would advice you to think about what it is you want (both in general and regarding this relationship) and try to explain it to him as concisely as possible. Write it down, show him things other people have written, whatever is needed. There is no real need for him to feel rejected. I know it sucks having to explain shit like this, but it's the right thing to do, I think. You don't have to feel guilty for being who you are, but the one thing that you do have influence on is how you deal with the situation. Try and make him understand so you can either continue to be in a(ny kind of) relationship or break up with both eyes open, at least. Good luck x Link to post Share on other sites
QueerAroAce Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 Kinda seems like it may not work out between you, but you should for sure try to communicate again. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.