QuoVadis Posted June 26, 2020 Share Posted June 26, 2020 4 hours ago, Diana DeLuna said: If Aces are not considered LGBT, then someone needs to tell the corporate world. All I've done online this past year is buy Ace shirts and bumper stickers and watched Aces' YouTube channels. Now I'm bombarded every day with PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE ads, and invitations to join groups, etc. Before this June, I only ever experienced Pride Month from a distance. I wasn't planning on this June being any different, especially with all the social distance. But somehow Pride Month came to me. I've been yanked into the fray. I want to say I'm annoyed but that would be a lie. It's kind of a warm feeling. I've never been invited to be included in anything as big as this. Turns out I fit in with the QUILTBAG community at least slightly better than I was with the general population. 🤔 That's fair - and I'm happy there is more visibility for ace/aro people now, and that includes being able to buy merch and things you feel are representative of your identity. It is something to keep in mind though that sometimes corporate pride is kinda like this: Link to post Share on other sites
Diana DeLuna Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 @QuoVadisHahaha! Pure rainbow-washing. Much like greenwashing (when companies pretend to be environmentally aware right around Earth Day), which I've always been infuriated by. Getting off-topic, but there are also the Christmas/Holiday ads, where every commercial on the air is exactly the same as year-round, only with random jingle bells underneath their music. LAZY advertising. 🙄 Link to post Share on other sites
BabyMidLifeAce Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 I went into my 20-year marriage telling my parents that there weren't going to be kids at all, but they had nothing to push back with because I was an only child and major oops baby (pesky IUDs in the '70s). They apparently didn't want kids either. After my marriage, I'm totally done with sex, and I don't feel the need to come out to my parents at all. I can be a single cat lady for the rest of my life and they won't care. I probably won't tell my husband either because it's not his business and doesn't apply to him anymore. I will be out on social media (my parents and husband aren't there) and out to my very large circle of friends, many of whom are in the local LGBT community. A good friend of mine is ace and when I told them, they said they had wanted to ask me if I was previously but didn't want to pry. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 7 hours ago, BabyMidLifeAce said: I went into my 20-year marriage telling my parents that there weren't going to be kids at all, but they had nothing to push back with because I was an only child and major oops baby (pesky IUDs in the '70s). They apparently didn't want kids either. After my marriage, I'm totally done with sex, and I don't feel the need to come out to my parents at all. I can be a single cat lady for the rest of my life and they won't care. I probably won't tell my husband either because it's not his business and doesn't apply to him anymore. I will be out on social media (my parents and husband aren't there) and out to my very large circle of friends, many of whom are in the local LGBT community. A good friend of mine is ace and when I told them, they said they had wanted to ask me if I was previously but didn't want to pry. Welcome to AVEN! That's really cool about your friend. That's not the first time I've read here that the poster mentioned discussing/questioning their identity to a friend who they didn't know was asexual. The friend has come out to them at the time and commented that possible the poster was asexual as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Caryne Posted June 29, 2020 Share Posted June 29, 2020 I haven’t come out as asexual, probably because I’m still working through and battling with internal asexualphobia (if there is such a thing). The more I talk to people here though, the more comfortable I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 29, 2020 Share Posted June 29, 2020 1 hour ago, Caryne said: I haven’t come out as asexual, probably because I’m still working through and battling with internal asexualphobia (if there is such a thing). The more I talk to people here though, the more comfortable I feel. To find out that you're not alone makes a world of difference! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueAce Posted June 29, 2020 Share Posted June 29, 2020 "I'm not interested", "I'm not attracted to anyone" & "I'm happily single" have been my constant mantras for 20-30 years (I'm 52 now) and I guess that was my way of coming out to people. Nowadays I wear my ace bracelet and I might actually get a black ring soon: If anyone asks, I'll be happy to tell them I'm ace and I might actually mention my asexuality to my close friends sooner or later (although I'm pretty sure they figured it out a long time ago ...) Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 29, 2020 Share Posted June 29, 2020 50 minutes ago, BlueAce said: "I'm not interested", "I'm not attracted to anyone" & "I'm happily single" have been my constant mantras for 20-30 years (I'm 52 now) and I guess that was my way of coming out to people. Nowadays I wear my ace bracelet and I might actually get a black ring soon: If anyone asks, I'll be happy to tell them I'm ace and I might actually mention my asexuality to my close friends sooner or later (although I'm pretty sure they figured it out a long time ago ...) When I've crossed paths with people I haven't seen in years and they ask me if I've gotten married, I always say, "Happily or unhappily single, depending on who you talk to". How long have you identified as asexual (15 years for me)? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueAce Posted June 29, 2020 Share Posted June 29, 2020 18 minutes ago, will123 said: When I've crossed paths with people I haven't seen in years and they ask me if I've gotten married, I always say, "Happily or unhappily single, depending on who you talk to". How long have you identified as asexual (15 years for me)? I guess I have identified as asexual for at least 10 -15 years, although I wasn't initially sure about the whole asexuality terminology: I wish I had known 20 years ago what I know now about asexuality, it would have spared me a few headaches ... Link to post Share on other sites
Diana DeLuna Posted June 29, 2020 Share Posted June 29, 2020 7 minutes ago, BlueAce said: I guess I have identified as asexual for at least 10 -15 years, although I wasn't initially sure about the whole asexuality terminology: I wish I had known 20 years ago what I know now about asexuality, it would have spared me a few headaches ... You and me both! Welcome to AVEN. I hope someone already offered you better cake than this: 🍰 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueAce Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 5 minutes ago, Diana DeLuna said: You and me both! Welcome to AVEN. I hope someone already offered you better cake than this: 🍰 Thank you, all cakes are much appreciated! 🙂 Yes, thanks to some AVEN members I've recently discovered there are some amazing cakes out there 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
Diana DeLuna Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 As I've said before, I'm better at finding and posting cake photos on my laptop rather than this phone. I found out about asexuality about 20 years ago too. Yet I remained steadfastly ignorant through the years. When it came to sexuality I was about as incurious as any human ever. Sex wasn't part of my workday or my dreamlife. I refused to accept and educate myself about my own asexuality--to my own detriment. So I feel you. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 37 minutes ago, BlueAce said: I guess I have identified as asexual for at least 10 -15 years, although I wasn't initially sure about the whole asexuality terminology: I wish I had known 20 years ago what I know now about asexuality, it would have spared me a few headaches ... X2 Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 1 hour ago, Diana DeLuna said: As I've said before, I'm better at finding and posting cake photos on my laptop rather than this phone. I found out about asexuality about 20 years ago too. Yet I remained steadfastly ignorant through the years. When it came to sexuality I was about as incurious as any human ever. Sex wasn't part of my workday or my dreamlife. I refused to accept and educate myself about my own asexuality--to my own detriment. So I feel you. Wow, likely five years before I had heard of it. Did you just stumble across it somewhere or were researching your lack of interest? I like your use of the word 'incurious'. I could say the same about how I felt. I thought I was straight, but never made any attempt to have sex. Nor did I wonder why. I just kind of blindly went thru life until seeing that 'fateful' newspaper article. Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 So, so many sexual people don't want kids. They deal this too. It's not an ace specific issue. Just say "I can't stand kids. Subject closed." If they keep going, say, "I refuse to speak to you as long as you're going to be condescending. Cut it out." Link to post Share on other sites
Diana DeLuna Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 19 hours ago, will123 said: Wow, likely five years before I had heard of it. Did you just stumble across it somewhere or were researching your lack of interest? I like your use of the word 'incurious'. I could say the same about how I felt. I thought I was straight, but never made any attempt to have sex. Nor did I wonder why. I just kind of blindly went thru life until seeing that 'fateful' newspaper article. It was the late 90s! I remember my first apartment and my first computer and where I was working at the time. I read a lot, so I probably first discovered asexuality through some news article or pop psychology magazine. There was nothing fateful about any of it for me yet. I lazily visited early asexuality websites and AOL chat rooms, but they were a hairy mess. The O.G. asexual people insisted that if you had any libido at all (even my paltry one) then you weren't bona-fide asexual--just another lonely deviant. Around early 2000, a progressive magazine I subscribed to printed an article on David Jay. He must have still been a teenager. He had a website "asexuality.org" (could swear it wasn't called AVEN yet), that I poked around in, but again didn't stay long. I think I lost interest because reading and talking about sex, even lack of it, made me feel both bored and uncomfortable at the same time. My (lack of) sexuality didn't feel central to my identity then. Sure wish I could find that David Jay article, if only to see the date of it. I've tried googling Utne Reader archives, but came up nothing. I remember cutting it out and carrying it around my first apartment for awhile, but my thinking was exactly thus: "This movement is never going to take off. He's crazy if I thinks anyone cares enough about people like us." At which point I probably threw the clipping away when I moved. There's still a chance I saved it. If I come across it, I'll definitely take a picture and post. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 @Diana DeLuna Here's the article I stumbled on to. Even though I readily identified as asexual upon reading it and surfing a bit on AVEN, I didn't really feel the need at the time to sign up. Fast forward to 2017 and on a lark I checked to see if AVEN was still online. Yes it was and that time I did join. https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/8327-montreal-gazette-article-about-asexuality-mentions-aven/ Link to post Share on other sites
Diana DeLuna Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 10 hours ago, will123 said: @Diana DeLuna Here's the article I stumbled on to. Even though I readily identified as asexual upon reading it and surfing a bit on AVEN, I didn't really feel the need at the time to sign up. Fast forward to 2017 and on a lark I checked to see if AVEN was still online. Yes it was and that time I did join. https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/8327-montreal-gazette-article-about-asexuality-mentions-aven/ Cool, you found your seminal article! I may take a deep dive into the final box that may have my old clipping in it. If I don't find it there, then I chucked it in 2000, the *first* time I wrote off asexuality. 😒 Regarding the comments in your thread link.... It's funny that even current articles still go on and on about "young people" identifying today. What about the people who were "young" then? Do journalists still think of aceness as a just temporary phase that questioning kids go through, or do they think we oldsters just died off already? It's got to be one or the other. Sheesh. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 2 hours ago, Diana DeLuna said: Cool, you found your seminal article! I may take a deep dive into the final box that may have my old clipping in it. If I don't find it there, then I chucked it in 2000, the *first* time I wrote off asexuality. 😒 Regarding the comments in your thread link.... It's funny that even current articles still go on and on about "young people" identifying today. What about the people who were "young" then? Do journalists still think of aceness as a just temporary phase that questioning kids go through, or do they think we oldsters just died off already? It's got to be one or the other. Sheesh. Yes no mention of us oldsters that just found out about asexuality after living half of our lives not in the typical heteronormative way. Being aro ace is definitely 'swimming against the stream', never interested in romance, let alone sex. Link to post Share on other sites
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