Curious about older asexuals and their views of 'coming out."

[njosnavelin]

I never cared. It isn't important for me to identify in these ways. It has never been a driving force for other people to know me in that way.

 

I enjoy leaving a little mystery. 

[CrazyCatLover]

As I get older, it becomes less important to "come out." When I was 20, it was extremely important to me to come out to everyone I knew, so that they would know I was ace. My mother didn't really understand the concept of sexual attraction vs romantic attraction which caused some discord between us. Yet now that I'm in my thirties, it really doesn't seem important at all. I think the closest I routinely come to coming out is telling people that I am "happily divorced of X years." No one tries to play matchmaker after hearing that, and that's really my goal. 

 

That said, I do not have children. If I did, I would want them to know that asexuality was a viable orientation and so I would come out to them. 

[yellowww]

I'm 30. The idea of having a dramatic "coming out" moment is abhorrent to me, but I have mentioned it to a (very) few friends of mine who I know will understand and who I wanted to share with. Otherwise I'm happy to have my lack of a dating or romantic life speak for itself. I actually kind of resent this notion that I should "come out" or that it's anyone's business but mine -- I don't feel as though there is anything in particular to tell.

[Extra Virgin Mary]

I've only just realized that I'm ace, so I've been dealing with this recently.  I came out to my friends and sister immediately, since I knew they'd all be fine with it.  I have multiple openly demisexual friends and no one bats an eyelash.  Heck, my sister (a lesbian) marched with an asexual group at NYC Pride to support a friend years ago. 

 

I've decided that I'll come out to my mother the next time she asks if I'm pregnant when I only have the flu.

 

The most stressful experience was coming out to my boyfriend.  He's hypersexual and also the first person I told.  He just said, "You didn't know?"  Apparently he had figured it out years ago.

[Catserole]

By the time I'd figured out that there was a thing called 'asexual' that I could come out as, I was old enough that nobody was particularly interested anyway!

 

 

[Abigail Rose]

On 11/19/2019 at 4:45 PM, toujours said:

I'm 39, and came out as asexual at 29.

 

I regret ever doing it. I wish I could turn back time and keep my asexuality to myself.

 

I did not know what I was doing, I did not know what I wanted, I had zero experience in relationships, asexual or otherwise. Coming out felt great, as I felt like I had found other people like me, and I was able to understand and make sense of myself. But truth is, I could have gotten all that without publicly coming out. 

 

I came out with a blog post, which I Twitted and posted on Facebook. That brought a LOT, and I mean, A LOT of misunderstanding, including people asking me if I was still physically a woman, or thinking I was a prude who campaigned against sex. In social medial, there is no way you can possibly explain a complex argument. So, unfortunately, for a number of people, no matter how much I tried to explain, I must have appeared to have lost my mind.

 

I just hope now that everyone has completely forgotten about it, 10 years later. Really.

Thats sad to hear. Some people can only accept what they want to. No matter how you said things they would have gone that way. When and how to let other people know is not easy to do but it has to start with what your goal is in doing so. I have heard that most successful attempts to come out in a healthy way is small one on one discussions until you have a strong support base. One day that will no longer be an issue for people. Changing an entire cultures perspective on you or any of us will take time to educate and a gentle approach to helping each other along the way. ✌💜

[Professor Tarknassus]

On 12/4/2019 at 3:52 PM, Catpaws said:

When I first came to the realization about myself, all I wanted to do was just to shout it at everyone I knew, along the lines of "you guys, I've realized this amazing self-affirming component of myself".

I have felt a need to announce it somehow, but on careful reflection, I don't really need to.  Although my wife understands the lack of interest in sex/intimacy/etc, it might be time for another talk around this issue just to make things clearer.  It won't be easy because I've talked with her before, and there's probably going to be confusion because I attributed asexual tendencies/nature with other issues I've faced.  

 

Trying to 'fix' myself in both aspects of asexuality and asocial tendencies has caused a lot of problems, with long treatments of medication, therapy etc.  It took three different therapists before one finally figured out I'm just not a people person at all.  This doesn't mean I hate people, I just prefer not to be around them.  It's a wonder I actually ended up married!  Now I accept both, and I'm far more content and happy in my life.

 

So any 'coming out' really has to be done with absolute clarity for me and my situation.  The only person who I really need to come out to is my wife.  Anyone else can see the black ring and figure it out for themselves - although I'm really wearing that for myself to affirm my own understanding of who I am and my true nature. 

 

I do have a suspicion that my sister might understand what that's about as she does counselling in this kind of field amongst others - and I don't really mind if she knows.  She'll probably just say "Oh.  Well that makes sense why you did ... " and reel off all the quirks she's observed in my life.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 

[will123]

@Professor Tarknassus I'm out to a few friends. I have no plans on telling the family as we have enough drama in it and they aren't exactly LGBT-friendly. 

 

All but one of the friends that I've told have commented in the past about my singleness or I've known them for a VERY long time and we were 'just friends'. I pre-emptively told a buddy of mine as he after 30 odd years of being single without any dating even) had a woman move in with him. I think I've socialised (for lack of a better term) with females more than him.

 

My reasoning was that I figured he'd say something stupid about him having a girlfriend, when was I going to start dating. I'm not sure what he made of it. The rest (one other buddy and a few girls that I know) were very understanding when I told them.

 

It's up to you. Some people want to tell the world, while others, like yourself, keep it to themselves. Then there are folks like me that are somewhere in the middle.

 

 

 

[Deja Vu]

I see no purpose in "coming out". If there was something I wanted from people, then maybe --- but what could I possibly want from others that relates to being asexual? "Hey I am asexual and want to have an asexual relationship with you"???? that's just called friendship and it happens normally if two people have things in common. Or the full disclosure model: "Hey I think you should know I'm asexual and .... what? you don't know what that is? well...."

 

No, no real need to come out. 

 

All it would do is create a dilemma for other people to process - What does this mean? Does it change how I relate to her? Why is she telling me this? 

 

I don't go up to people and tell them I don't like sushi. I've never "come out" as someone who doesn't like sushi. It's NOT because I'm withholding my relationship with sushi. It's just if I start sharing everything I'm not, and everything I don't like, where would it end, and to what purpose?

 

The things that are important to share are those that will affect our relationships. We asexuals don't place sexual requirements on other people. So our sexual status is kind of a moot point - it has less than no affect on others.

 

But like someone else suggested, I bet there are lots more of us out there than anyone realizes. All the people who complain about books and movies that have too much sex in them, all the people who are alone and don't date, all the people who invest all their talent in things and causes that they care about ... the list goes on. Hollywood won't make movies about us because there's no evidence we are a "thing" that could show up at the box office. But that doesn't mean we aren't - it just means we see no need to wave our arms and draw attention to something that doesn't affect anyone else. 

 

Lastly I actually think we fly under the radar by being asexual. We threaten nobody. We aren't on anyone's hate lists. That's not a bad thing in this day and age.

[AceMissBehaving]

“Be the person you needed when you were growing up”

 

I needed to see other ace people to know we existed, and to know it would be ok. That’s why I’m out.

 

I think it’s important because by being more visible it increases the chances of seeing representation, finding each other, and of the younger generations finding out who they are sooner, and feeling less  like the road ahead in life is empty. 
 

It helps people see us and consider us, and I think is a big part of getting our needs met and dealt with 

 

[will123]

@Deja Vu 

 

All but one of the friends that I've told have commented in the past about my singleness

 

At the time I didn't really know why I was single or afterwards I couldn't tell them why. After being on AVEN for a couple of years I felt better about it and became comfortable in being able to tell those friends that I wanted to know I was asexual.

 

The one girl that I had known since we were teens wondered why I'd tell her. "We hung out a lot back then until our late 20s, I was probably the only guy that tried to get into your pants". I had told her earlier in the conversation that I'd never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend and was still a virgin.. I didn't say the following to her, 'In case she may have thoughts that I was gay'.

 

I have no interest in telling other friends that I'm asexual as my lack of relationships, girl friends has never come up in conversations.

 

 

[Zagadka]

I don't really care to. No one bothers me about being single anymore. I've passed the age of people caring, and I don't view it as anyone's business to know. I don't see any point to coming out. At best, it would mean a lot of explanation and justification, which... I could deal without. I'll continue to just publicly support LGBTQ+ things and let people call me gay or an ally or whatever they want.

[daveb]

I'm in favor of visibility, and I'm glad some people are "out" so people can know we exist. Everyone has reasons for coming out or not, to some people or many, privately or publicly, and it's all fine. I respect everyone's decision is such matters. I have told some people close to me, but I don't go around telling everyone I happen to meet. Haven't had any bad responses, although some people may not really understand.

[will123]

9 hours ago, Zagadka said:

I don't really care to. No one bothers me about being single anymore. I've passed the age of people caring, and I don't view it as anyone's business to know. I don't see any point to coming out. At best, it would mean a lot of explanation and justification, which... I could deal without. I'll continue to just publicly support LGBTQ+ things and let people call me gay or an ally or whatever they want.

Yes, the stereotypes for guys and girls that don't have a significant other... 

[will123]

4 hours ago, daveb said:

I'm in favor of visibility, and I'm glad some people are "out" so people can know we exist. Everyone has reasons for coming out or not, to some people or many, privately or publicly, and it's all fine. I respect everyone's decision is such matters. I have told some people close to me, but I don't go around telling everyone I happen to meet. Haven't had any bad responses, although some people may not really understand.

[tinyacedragon]

I'm 39. For the most part, I don't see the point of telling the majority of people in my life about this. I've only come out to two people: first a close friend of mine in order to build up the courage to come out to my husband. Both instances were emotional for me, more so than I expected. Both times I was understood and supported. There are other friends I know would understand, but I haven't said anything to them. I figure the only person it really affects in any way is my husband, and he knows (hell, has probably suspected for years).

[Guest]

I've never seen the point of coming out. My orientation isn't a big deal, it doesn't effect anyone other than me, and no one really seems to care. I have mentioned it to a few friends when sexuality has just come up in conversation in some way, as an explanation of my perspective, and none of them cared at all aside for one who also turned out to be asexual, and even then it was just a funny thing we have in common which has never come up again.

 

I think that orientation is one of those things which seems really significant to people in their teens and early 20s, but by the time we get to 30 everyone has far more important things to worry about.

[Someone Else]

In a homophobic culture, one might have to hide being gay.  But I can't ever picture having to hide not having sex from friends or family.  They don't know.  Maybe I have someone over for mindless sex some nights, for all they know, as they are not in my bedroom at midnight, thank goodness.  Most people will never know. 
"Hey son, tell me about all the times you've used your penis with women!" my mom asked, never ever ever.  My parents would sooner ask me about bowel movements before sexual adventures.  

[will123]

On 5/25/2020 at 10:04 PM, Someone Else said:

In a homophobic culture, one might have to hide being gay.  But I can't ever picture having to hide not having sex from friends or family.  They don't know.  Maybe I have someone over for mindless sex some nights, for all they know, as they are not in my bedroom at midnight, thank goodness.  Most people will never know. 
"Hey son, tell me about all the times you've used your penis with women!" my mom asked, never ever ever.  My parents would sooner ask me about bowel movements before sexual adventures.  

I'm (EDIT: not) out to the family as I can just imagine the drama that it would create. My mother told me that my sister in law told her (around the time of my father's passing) that I was gay.

 

To some people if you haven't had a significant relationship with a person of the opposite sex, you're either gay or lesbian. "Hey have you ever considered the the possibility that we're just not interested?"

 

The one friend said that the world is so oversexed, there's bound to be people that don't fit.

[Marty1962]

My family think it's a "phase". I'm 58 and I don't have phases. They think asexuality is rubbish and I've just hit the menopause, I was asexual loooong before the menopause.

None of them are having it, I find it quite disrespectful.

Younger people are much more open but I wouldn't discuss this with my son, we don't discuss things like that.

[will123]

5 hours ago, Marty1962 said:

My family think it's a "phase". I'm 58 and I don't have phases. They think asexuality is rubbish and I've just hit the menopause, I was asexual loooong before the menopause.

None of them are having it, I find it quite disrespectful.

Younger people are much more open but I wouldn't discuss this with my son, we don't discuss things like that.

I'm 58 as well. I've told about six friends of a similar age that I'm asexual plus a younger female friend that's half my age. None of them had heard of asexuality. I explained to them what it was and how it applied to me/my life experiences that led me to the decision to identify as asexual.

 

Not one of them had a 'negative'  comment. My buddy who I came out to first was fine but asked me, but you buy Playboy "Don't tell me you just read the articles" and will comment on an attractive girl we see. "I don't know!" This was before I realised there was aesthetic attraction.

 

I have read a lot of younger aces come out to peers with 'comforting' responses. I don't recall reading what has transpired when an older asexual has told younger adults.

 

Have any of you come out to younger people and how did they react?

[Kelwyne]

I'm 45, I shared only with a trusted few since they asked me directly. Two of them were younger (cousins in thier 20s). Both seemed to know more than me actually and were very accepting.

 

I think my aversion to sharing in the past, and still today, was mostly due to social conditioning. There wasn't great language to explain it when I was younger ('80's) and people assumed I was either gay or if I was straight, I must be really shy. Now, as a middle aged man, it just doesn't come up anymore (people don't ask and I don't volunteer the information). As I read up more here, that may change, as it could enhance some relationships with my closer friends.

[SolitaireWitchWithCat]

LOL! I feel so weird. I'm in my 40s, and I've tried to come out to my sister a half-dozen times, and she's shut me down, solidly, every time. And it's made this weird space in my life. I'm not trying to come out to her to be dramatic or emotional or anything; I'm sure she knows perfectly well that I'm an ace (she is very supportive of LGBTQIA+ all-up, extremely supportive, and I know she knows the terminology), but because...I really want to wear aroace crap, like pins and hats and shirts and shit.

 

I am definitely weird. You don't need to tell me.

 

So, this year, I just started buying the shirts and stuff, wearing 'my colors' (because they are excellent colors, seriously, kudos to the 'color deciders'), and it's totally gone over her head to this point, I mean genuinely she hasn't even looked at anything I've wandered about in, which is sort of 'why was I even anxious about this in the first place'. Sibling anticlimactic reaction.

 

I could care less if anyone else in the world knows my shit. I mean seriously, I couldn't care less if anyone else was in a relationship, or how their relationship is doing (unless you're both my friends, in which case, salutations), and I'm well-known in my circles for having none of the dating or the drama going on, so I expect the same courtesy I offer to others--relationship apathy.

 

I do wish there were better representations in the media about asexuality, I do think it would be easier all-up, but imagine the confusion in the viewing audience if a main character was pronounced ace, LOL! Take all our family/friend confusion and multiply it by tens of millions. ;D Also, so many creative people out there are sexual, and that's the narrative they know how to work. An office/hospital/fire station filled with aroace people? What? They just do their jobs? But...where's the drama?

 

[Peace_of_Ace]

My kids are young, but even so, I don't see myself being preachy about it.  I'm trying to teach them to be accepting toward all kinds of people regardless of race, sexual orientation, economic class, etc.  I do make sure they see covertly asexual characters like Merida, Elsa, and Moana. 

 

The only person I've "come out" to is my husband.  Which sounds funny but it was really hard.  I was really scared to talk to him about it.  But once I did I felt like a huge weight was lifted from me.  I'm not sure what the rest of our relationship will look like or if we will be able to stay together.  But should we decide to part ways, I still don't really see myself telling too many people.  It just doesn't seem necessary.  If I were gay, then obviously when I began to date it would.  But since I don't see myself dating (or if I did, it would be another hetero ace - slim chance in my rural area) it will really not be information anyone needs to have about me.  I'm not ashamed, I just tend to keep personal things more private.  Maybe I would tell my best friend or a therapist, but that's about it.

[QuoVadis]

I think my feeling on this is linked to my unpopular belief that I don't think asexuals belong under the LGBT umbrella. Now, granted, before I realized what my orientation was and what it was called, I went through the whole typical "coming out" process as a bisexual woman, back in 2012. It was something I felt really strongly about but not so much politically - just the desire to not be shunned by society or family, knowing that I had the capacity to love both men and women. And much to my pleasant surprise, everyone (at least to my face) was totally fine with it, even my more conservative relatives. They just wanted me to be happy, no matter the sex of my partner. 

 

That coming out process seemed justified and as difficult as it is for most LGBT folks; it's the constant reinvention of yourself, the hiding behind certain phrases, preferences, even clothing styles, etc. There are strongly codified stereotypes about all sorts of LGBT people, and when you find yourself naturally drawn to certain aspects of those "expectations," it becomes even more unnerving to have to hide them and always be worrying about who is judging you or wondering about your orientation when you're not around. Eventually that anxiety and lack of authenticity leads many of us to liberate ourselves by coming out. And I am so glad I did. 

However, the asexual experience is not so easily "codified." Asexuals do not historically face the same struggles as gay and lesbian individuals. You can't tell a gay or lesbian person by looking at them, but many people can look at "types" and make assumptions. In my experience, you can't really do this with asexuals. On the virtue of our asexuality, asexuals do not lose job opportunities when their boss finds out they are dating someone of the same sex. Asexuals do not have bakeries refusing to make them "I don't like sex" cakes. I don't speak for all asexuals, of course, but asexuals, to me, don't need to have the same "coming out" process because in most cases, people aren't having a family round table meeting about the frequency and satisfaction of their sex life; in a gay and lesbian "coming out" context, this only comes up because being LGBT in America today (well, pre legislation) meant your life and wellbeing was actively affected by discriminatory laws. You couldn't marry your same sex partner, be in the hospital room with them, donate blood, etc. - you see what I'm getting at. So the coming out process is a lot more profound, in a somewhat different way. 

 

Recently I've just brought up my newfound asexuality when other people are talking about sex, only if it's a natural conversation. If I have to declare that I am romantically attracted to both men and women, then it affects me in that context. Asexuals face completely different (and VALID, mind you!) struggles. That is my main issue with a different "coming out" process for asexuality. I think the day to day routine of your average asexual is not interrupted by our actual sexual orientation - it's only really affected when you are openly/visibly partnered or romantically involved with someone of the same sex. I think the idea of coming out as an asexual or aromantic person is just a bit redundant if you are heteroromantic/heterosexual. 

The older I get, the more I go with the flow. If someone asks me, I'll tell them. 

[QuoVadis]

On 5/25/2020 at 10:04 PM, Someone Else said:

In a homophobic culture, one might have to hide being gay.  But I can't ever picture having to hide not having sex from friends or family.  They don't know.  Maybe I have someone over for mindless sex some nights, for all they know, as they are not in my bedroom at midnight, thank goodness.  Most people will never know. 
"Hey son, tell me about all the times you've used your penis with women!" my mom asked, never ever ever.  My parents would sooner ask me about bowel movements before sexual adventures.  

This is exactly what I was touching on in my reply. You just summarized it much more succinctly. Bravo. 👏

[will123]

17 hours ago, QuoVadis said:

I think my feeling on this is linked to my unpopular belief that I don't think asexuals belong under the LGBT umbrella. Now, granted, before I realized what my orientation was and what it was called, I went through the whole typical "coming out" process as a bisexual woman, back in 2012. It was something I felt really strongly about but not so much politically - just the desire to not be shunned by society or family, knowing that I had the capacity to love both men and women. And much to my pleasant surprise, everyone (at least to my face) was totally fine with it, even my more conservative relatives. They just wanted me to be happy, no matter the sex of my partner. 

 

That coming out process seemed justified and as difficult as it is for most LGBT folks; it's the constant reinvention of yourself, the hiding behind certain phrases, preferences, even clothing styles, etc. There are strongly codified stereotypes about all sorts of LGBT people, and when you find yourself naturally drawn to certain aspects of those "expectations," it becomes even more unnerving to have to hide them and always be worrying about who is judging you or wondering about your orientation when you're not around. Eventually that anxiety and lack of authenticity leads many of us to liberate ourselves by coming out. And I am so glad I did. 

However, the asexual experience is not so easily "codified." Asexuals do not historically face the same struggles as gay and lesbian individuals. You can't tell a gay or lesbian person by looking at them, but many people can look at "types" and make assumptions. In my experience, you can't really do this with asexuals. On the virtue of our asexuality, asexuals do not lose job opportunities when their boss finds out they are dating someone of the same sex. Asexuals do not have bakeries refusing to make them "I don't like sex" cakes. I don't speak for all asexuals, of course, but asexuals, to me, don't need to have the same "coming out" process because in most cases, people aren't having a family round table meeting about the frequency and satisfaction of their sex life; in a gay and lesbian "coming out" context, this only comes up because being LGBT in America today (well, pre legislation) meant your life and wellbeing was actively affected by discriminatory laws. You couldn't marry your same sex partner, be in the hospital room with them, donate blood, etc. - you see what I'm getting at. So the coming out process is a lot more profound, in a somewhat different way. 

 

Recently I've just brought up my newfound asexuality when other people are talking about sex, only if it's a natural conversation. If I have to declare that I am romantically attracted to both men and women, then it affects me in that context. Asexuals face completely different (and VALID, mind you!) struggles. That is my main issue with a different "coming out" process for asexuality. I think the day to day routine of your average asexual is not interrupted by our actual sexual orientation - it's only really affected when you are openly/visibly partnered or romantically involved with someone of the same sex. I think the idea of coming out as an asexual or aromantic person is just a bit redundant if you are heteroromantic/heterosexual. 

The older I get, the more I go with the flow. If someone asks me, I'll tell them. 

I guess that in a way is why I don't feel a connection with the LGBT+ community. What I've experienced in my lifetime, as a guy that has never had a girlfriend and/or sex, doesn't compare to what a person of the 'rainbow' community has faced. Maybe in reverse, that is why some of them are loathe to include/welcome asexuals?

[Someone Else]

I just say "I don't seem to be as interested in sex as most guys.  I prefer emotional rather than physical connections."  And people nod and move on.  No one has ever tried to convince me otherwise.  I sometimes feel like I'm living in another universe from the people who have had such completely different experiences. 

The world I see is not over-sexed, but rather puritanically afraid of sex.  Someone nude in public, but not otherwise behaving strangely or sexually, will quickly find themselves confronted by police armed with guns, clubs, pepper sprayer, etc, followed possible criminal charges and penalties -- from the merest tiniest hint that it might be sexual because it's nudity.  That's a world that is utterly and completely terrified of sex.  

[Diana DeLuna]

On 6/16/2020 at 5:13 AM, SolitaireWitchWithCat said:

LOL! I feel so weird. I'm in my 40s, and I've tried to come out to my sister a half-dozen times, and she's shut me down, solidly, every time. And it's made this weird space in my life. I'm not trying to come out to her to be dramatic or emotional or anything; I'm sure she knows perfectly well that I'm an ace (she is very supportive of LGBTQIA+ all-up, extremely supportive, and I know she knows the terminology), but because...I really want to wear aroace crap, like pins and hats and shirts and shit.

 

I am definitely weird. You don't need to tell me.

 

So, this year, I just started buying the shirts and stuff, wearing 'my colors' (because they are excellent colors, seriously, kudos to the 'color deciders'), and it's totally gone over her head to this point, I mean genuinely she hasn't even looked at anything I've wandered about in, which is sort of 'why was I even anxious about this in the first place'. Sibling anticlimactic reaction.

 

I could care less if anyone else in the world knows my shit. I mean seriously, I couldn't care less if anyone else was in a relationship, or how their relationship is doing (unless you're both my friends, in which case, salutations), and I'm well-known in my circles for having none of the dating or the drama going on, so I expect the same courtesy I offer to others--relationship apathy.

 

I do wish there were better representations in the media about asexuality, I do think it would be easier all-up, but imagine the confusion in the viewing audience if a main character was pronounced ace, LOL! Take all our family/friend confusion and multiply it by tens of millions. ;D Also, so many creative people out there are sexual, and that's the narrative they know how to work. An office/hospital/fire station filled with aroace people? What? They just do their jobs? But...where's the drama?

 

Hahaha, this is the place I'm getting to, too! I just left my 40s behind this past January, and I am too old to give a flying monkey's ass what people think of all the AroAce crap I've bought. If people wonder what those colors are, I cheerfully tell them without shrinking away like I would have before. Even my 77-year-old, religious conservative mother is coming around in her own way, but she's seen the grief my lack of attraction has caused all my life.

 

The last time we talked about it, she started to default back to the same thought: "I still think maybe you haven't found the right--" Then she stopped and sighed. Because she knows I DID find what would have been the right person, and it was the worst AroAce flameout of my life.

[Diana DeLuna]

If Aces are not considered LGBT, then someone needs to tell the corporate world. All I've done online this past year is buy Ace shirts and bumper stickers and watched Aces' YouTube channels. Now I'm bombarded every day with PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE ads, and invitations to join groups, etc.

 

Before this June, I only ever experienced Pride Month from a distance. I wasn't planning on this June being any different, especially with all the social distance. But somehow Pride Month came to me. I've been yanked into the fray. I want to say I'm annoyed but that would be a lie. It's kind of a warm feeling. I've never been invited to be included in anything as big as this. Turns out I fit in with the QUILTBAG community at least slightly better than I was with the general population. 🤔