Why do asexuals wish to "come out" ?

[cyan]

I initially came here seeking an answer to the question of myself -- I did not want to believe that there is something "wrong" with me, that needs to be "fixed".

The one time I tried to come out to my mother and closest friend of the time, they essentially refused to believe me. I didn't press the issue then and I haven't raised it since. Most of the time, with most people, it just doesn't really come up.

But the closer I am to a person, the more I feel like I'm hiding something crucial about myself by not sharing this label with them.

I want people that I am close to to know that I am who I am, and that who I am does not depend on the ability to form or interest in forming a sexual relationship with another person, and that that's okay. I want to believe this myself. And that, I think, would be my reason for coming out.

By the way... are there any patron saints of asexuality... ? Besides the Goddess Vesta? Comments, anyone?

I would also be inclined to think of Athena and Artemis. Can't think of any good male patrons, though.

[Hpets]

Heterosexuality is the norm. If I don't tell people I'm asexual, they will all talk with me as if I am heterosexual. Because, as you might have noticed, alot of heterosexuals needs to talk about who's attracted to whom, and who had sex and why and blah blah.

I'm very fortunate to live in a pretty open-minded community. Homosexuality and bisexuality are quite well accepted, at least among those I know. My friends and I have had all sorts of talks about sexual interests and experiences, but in a very "understanding of our differences" way. As such, I trust my friends and family to support me when I "come out." I'm fairly certain that once my being asexual (and what that means) is out in the open it'll be no problem, and I'll even be able to answer people's questions about it (I dream of that day). The only thing holding me back from telling everyone about it right now is the difficulty of that initial talk... especially since I absolutely feel that I can't tell anyone else until I've told my boyfriend.

But I think the day is coming very soon! I really believe now that my boyfriend will be okay with it, so I want to tell him as soon as the opportunity arises. I'm going on a trip this weekend with my boyfriend, a bunch of my friends, and my mom and grandparents will be around, too... So I really think I'm going to do it this weekend! I can tell my boyfriend, and then I'll tell my mom, and then I can tell everyone!... Okay, odds are I'm not going to tell everyone while we're on a big trip like this, and I may want to wait until I can tell both my parents together... But I do intend to at the least tell my boyfriend!

So wish me luck, everyone! (I'm so nervous/excited!)

[howdy]

So wish me luck, everyone! (I'm so nervous/excited!)

Good luck! I hope it works out for you :D

[Wolf X Omega]

I "came out" to friends and family because my head can take enough stress of people talking about sex with me, and me not being a good liar, trying to fit in, so i just told then that i'm asexual, and now when some sexual conversations is started with me they usually say "Oh right, you're asexual", or something of the like, it saves me time to explain why the hell i don't wanna talk about sex.

[Three Steps At A Time]

there are two reasons that come to mind for me

1) so my parents can adjust their expectations about grandchildren. not that they have put pressure on me or anything, but i'm sure they're hoping

2) in the interests of doing some educational outreach activities for other asexuals who may be having some difficulty accepting their asexuality

[Hpets]

By the by, I've told my boyfriend (finally), and our relationship's actually improved from it. (We're finally talking about relationship things.)

I still haven't told my parents. I'm not sure how to bring that up. I may wait and see if my mom tries to have the "sex talk" with me. Then I can say "Erm... actually, that probably won't be an issue for a while."

On the other hand, I want to tell my parents before I start telling all my friends... And it could come up at any time with my friends! (We have a lot of sexual discussions... It doesn't bother me; I find it quite informative. But I'm sure eventually they're going to ask why I haven't done anything hugely sexual with my boyfriend... And I have no intention of trying particularly hard to keep it secret.)

[Guest kos]

I don't want to come out, i just want to find some more closets.

[jitterbugg]

I'm not out to everyone, but if someone asks me, I'll tell them. (as far as friends go. I'm not out to any of my family as of right now) There are many reasons for that.

1) Most of my friends are gay/bi/pan/queer/something, so most of the time, people think I'm a lesbian. Before I hung out with them, people assumed I was straight. Hell, *I* thought I was straight. Now that I recognize a more correct identify... I like being able to correct them.

2) It's just good for my well being. I like *feeling* that I'm being honest with people (not that if you DON'T tell people, you're being dishonest)

3) It makes sitting out of spin the bottle and "lets ask stupid sex life questions" a lot less awkward

4) For visibility. Just because there's a chance that someone who's trying to come to terms with their/someone else's asexuality would know that that's how I identify, and know that they aren't alone. I know that would have really helped me out, so I'd really like to be able to do that for someone.

Just another note: I don't think that coming out is NECESSARY for all people. Not just talking about asexuality, but for anything. Coming out as gay for example... I feel like people are always very pressured to come out, but I don't think that I could really tell someone that they should. It can be very empowering, and very helpful, if you think that that's something that you can deal with and take on. But there's also the possibility that it might not be a positive thing, it might make our life harder, or it's just not a needed thing. It's all personal. Obviously visibility is needed for movements and things like that.. but blah. there's too much emphasis on it IMHO.

so ummm yeah those are my thoughts! :D

[............]

I did it so they would stop trying to set me up with every girl in the neighborhood.

Indeed.

Or to stop them from assuming that when I talk about how awesome I find someone, I mean I want to have sex with them.

[ratatosk_lemur]

1.) It's a way to get people to stop assuming sexual overtones and motivations behind things I say or do that wouldn't even have occurred to me.

2.) Telling people that I'm aromantic may shut them up about why don't I have a girlfriend yet?

[Eddie7]

I'm not sure I ever would have "come out" so to speak. I've only discussed it (briefly) with two friends after they asked me about it, thanks to my screwing up on Facebook and one of them seeing I'd posted to an asexual group.

If that hadn't have happened, I don't know if it ever would have come up. I'm not one to run around announcing such things to people, although I probably wouldn't hide it if anyone had asked me either. But now it's out there, and I'm fine with it. I'm still in a position of not knowing exactly how many friends know, so I'm not going to bring it up unless asked in the first place.

As for family, I don't know that I'll ever bring it up. It took me years to tell my Mum (I don't think I could go to Dad with this stuff) that I thought I had Asperger's Syndrome, so there's no way I'm doing this on a whim. Again though, if I'm ever asked about my sexuality though (don't see it happening), I'll probably be honest about it.

I can see why people do want to "come out". It actually felt pretty good talking a little about it with my friends, particularly given that they were new the concept of asexuality and it hasn't changed my relationships with them at all. None of which would have happened if I hadn't made a silly mistake. So it was probably good that I did.

[Rikusephirosu]

I agree with you Eddie, I wouldnt go running around telling everyone Im asexual, but I would say I was asexual if I was asked. Other than that..I wouldnt say anything about it really. :?

[Whee]

I agree with what many other people said already: I don't see any reason to come out as asexual, so I won't. If people ask me, I'll gladly tell, and I already did that actually, so I'm somewhat experienced on that matter. I found out that people not really want to know it anyway, because it's simply of no interest to them. At least, among my friends and people I know. I think, it's because asexuality doesn't have that social stigma that homosexuality has, or they are really not interested. Maybe because they don't understand what it is.

But like I said, I see no reason to come out with it either, so I'll live my life and if someone needs to know that, they can ask me. I do the same with other things, too, so why make an exception on this topic? :P

[Rikusephirosu]

Exactly! *gives Whee some * I think its a good thing people are so ignorant about asexuals too. That means there are less people trying to go around "asexual bashing". Less problems! :shock:

[Whee]

*agrees with Rikusephirosu while munching this superb cake* :D

[Rikusephirosu]

*cheers!* Yum! :D Hehe