Alejandrogynous Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 10 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: It makes grey a somewhat loose term that could easily lead to confusion. Grey is meant to be a loose term, because technically it doesn't mean anything. It's subjective, used by sexual people who - again - for various reasons, feel more at home in the asexual community. It's not its own orientation and it has no defining qualities in and of itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 I am glad that I do not date or court or what have you anymore. Thus I avoid the label question. 😁 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 I see. So asexual is a single point and grey is better classified as a concept to encapsulate the variety of human experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 8:59 PM, CBC said: They're functionally ace at that poin . Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 9:12 PM, CBC said: Yeah absolutely, the difference being that the latter are sexual... . Link to post Share on other sites
CheCheDaWaff Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 9 minutes ago, CBC said: Yeah absolutely, the difference being that the latter are sexual... It sort of depends what you mean by sexual to be honest. If a (completely) asexual person decides to have sex for whatever reason, I don't think it would be crazy to describe them as sexual. This is why I like to defend allosexual as a term – it's really easy to say grey-(a)sexuals are somewhere between completely asexual and completely allosexual. Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 I don't think an asexual doing it just to keep their partner counts unless they actually get themselves off making themselves happy, and in that case, I wouldn't see why that person would use asexual label to begin with. Experimentation is another thing as well. Sometimes, homosexuals and heterosexuals just go against their orientation just to see what it like. Link to post Share on other sites
CheCheDaWaff Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 2 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: Just to note, that the more I think about it the more practical having a consistent macro/micro taxonomy for sexuality and romanticality makes sense for a specialist context like AVEN - how many post are there every day asking what am I, am I this, etc. Being able to give a detailed flow chart would be handy, IMHO. Additioanlly, this labelling system can then feed into profile formatting. For example, my profile format follows: (if primarily sexual, otherwise reverse) orientation + (minor) major sexuality + relevant preferences (I have none) / asexuality label. It would be easy to add to this an additional intensity/regularity descriptor and romanticality descriptors. My issue with that is that human sexuality is really diverse, and I'm not really convinced you could come up with a neat system like that which captures every person's reality nicely. That's why vague things like 'grey' are useful in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 4 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: Just to note, that the more I think about it the more practical having a consistent macro/micro taxonomy for sexuality and romanticality I actually addressed one aspect of the micro/macro for romanticism years ago... I agree that's a helpful exercise. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 9:26 PM, CBC said: In the real world . Link to post Share on other sites
CheCheDaWaff Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 3 minutes ago, CBC said: If a completely asexual person has sex out of curiosity about sex despite not desiring it or wanting to please a partner or make a baby, they're still asexual Yeah, of course. I'm just saying it's possible to use the word 'sexual' in a different way to how you are right now. Seems to me like you're defining 'sexual' and 'asexual' to be the negation of each other, but I don't think that's true in every context. 4 minutes ago, CBC said: If they're repeatedly having sex because they enjoy it, well, they're not asexual after all. I don't agree with this. Can't 'asexual' be used as a orientation label? That is, a description of the set of people a person is sexually attracted to? (In this case, the empty set.) I don't think it's impossible for a person to enjoy sex without feeling sexual attraction – asexuals often have normal anatomy after all. Link to post Share on other sites
CheCheDaWaff Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 2 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: What sexuality did you think might lie outside the proposed system? You might very well be right that no such sexuality exists. I'm just a little cautious because things like the homosexual–hetersexual false dichotomy are a result of trying to put everything into a neat box. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 9:33 PM, CBC said: Fair enough. I'm concerned with real human interaction. . Link to post Share on other sites
CheCheDaWaff Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 1 minute ago, Dreamsexual said: Specialist terminology has its uses. Hmmm, seems more palatable when you put it that way. I guess I would be fine with it as long as it doesn't commit the 'this is all there is' fallacy (without justification that is). Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 9:36 PM, CheCheDaWaff said: You might very well be right that no such sexuality exists. I'm just a little cautious because things like the homosexual–hetersexual false dichotomy are a result of trying to put everything into a neat box. . Link to post Share on other sites
Marlow1 Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 7 hours ago, GrayJay said: Well I’m Demi sexual and I have had no physical attraction for almost two years. I am 63 years old and I have only ever been sexually attracted to my wife. I have never masturbated, nor do I have any interest whatsoever in regards to pornography. It took me well over two years of knowing my wife before I became romantically attracted to her, and it was quite a long time after this that I unexpectedly became sexually attracted to her. We have been together 27 years and in that time I have never been sexually attracted to anybody else, nor before, only her, that's it. A few years ago I had a brain hemhorage. When this happened I lost my attraction to my wife. Fortunately my therapist was intelligent enough to know that this lack of attraction was probably due to the fact that I did not remember our relationship to well. He showed us romantic, fun, intellectual ways etc to get to know each other again and the attraction returned It was during this process that we found out about something else about my brain, a condition that I had had from birth that made it impossible for me to visualise anybody in a sexual way. The more we looked into this the more it became clear that because of the way my brain works I can only become sexually attracted to a person that I know exceedingly well and for whom I have built up very detailed concepts of. I do not think in pictures, nor words, nor any senses, and I cannot relive events, including sexual events and so on. I cannot mentally undress a person, I cannot imagine what it is like to make love to them and the list goes on I am not the only person at this site that has Aphantasia. Not all people that are on the Asexual Spectrum have Aphantasia. But almost every person that I have met that has Aphantasia does believe they fall on the Asexual Spectrum somewhere Folk tell me that I don't need to understand any of all this, but if we did not understand all this my wife and I would be split up by now. Me not being attracted to her was a big deal for my wife. And even now there are very notable differences regarding how she experiences attraction and how I experience it If you want to know more please have a look at my old posts. In the meantime here is an article that explains Aphantasia pretty well. The lack of attraction to strangers is mentioned here too https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/kwkway/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like Link to post Share on other sites
CheCheDaWaff Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 @CBC That's fine, in that case you're just using 'asexual' in a slightly different way that I am. Perhaps with that definition you really can have an asexual–sexual dichotomy. Despite appearances I'm not really interested in semantics at the end of the day 😅 Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 .. Link to post Share on other sites
CheCheDaWaff Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 @Dreamsexual Please do. Worse case scenario you spark some interesting discussion, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 Just now, CheCheDaWaff said: @Dreamsexual Please do. Worse case scenario you spark some interesting discussion, right? "interesting" is a bit of a euphemism here, no? Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 9:58 PM, Snao Cone said: "interesting" is a bit of a euphemism here, no? Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 Just now, Dreamsexual said: Oh the hurt ... I'm now going to have to do a big chart of degrees of burn and the correct level of passive aggressive sulking to respond with ... You brute Oh, I don't mean to imply that they're boring... Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 10:11 PM, Snao Cone said: Oh, I don't mean to imply that they're boring... . Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 You asked about hypersexuality? Well I've read several testimonies of people wanting sex 3 or 4 times a day and to me, that's pretty extreme. Other sexuals seemed to agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 3 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: Oh, then I forgive you. I guess you meant that they'd spark a row. Yeah, like monkeys flinging excrement of already digested arguments. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 10:17 PM, Anthracite_Impreza said: You asked about hypersexuality? Well I've read several testimonies of people wanting sex 3 or 4 times a day and to me, that's pretty extreme. Other sexuals seemed to agree. . Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 I'm sure some curious aces have already asked, but can't harm to make a new poll. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayJay Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 43 minutes ago, Marlow1 said: I am 63 years old and I have only ever been sexually attracted to my wife. I have never masturbated, nor do I have any interest whatsoever in regards to pornography. It took me well over two years of knowing my wife before I became romantically attracted to her, and it was quite a long time after this that I unexpectedly became sexually attracted to her. We have been together 27 years and in that time I have never been sexually attracted to anybody else, nor before, only her, that's it. A few years ago I had a brain hemhorage. When this happened I lost my attraction to my wife. Fortunately my therapist was intelligent enough to know that this lack of attraction was probably due to the fact that I did not remember our relationship to well. He showed us romantic, fun, intellectual ways etc to get to know each other again and the attraction returned It was during this process that we found out about something else about my brain, a condition that I had had from birth that made it impossible for me to visualise anybody in a sexual way. The more we looked into this the more it became clear that because of the way my brain works I can only become sexually attracted to a person that I know exceedingly well and for whom I have built up very detailed concepts of. I do not think in pictures, nor words, nor any senses, and I cannot relive events, including sexual events and so on. I cannot mentally undress a person, I cannot imagine what it is like to make love to them and the list goes on I am not the only person at this site that has Aphantasia. Not all people that are on the Asexual Spectrum have Aphantasia. But almost every person that I have met that has Aphantasia does believe they fall on the Asexual Spectrum somewhere Folk tell me that I don't need to understand any of all this, but if we did not understand all this my wife and I would be split up by now. Me not being attracted to her was a big deal for my wife. And even now there are very notable differences regarding how she experiences attraction and how I experience it If you want to know more please have a look at my old posts. In the meantime here is an article that explains Aphantasia pretty well. The lack of attraction to strangers is mentioned here too https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/kwkway/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like Thanks for sharing, I will give that a read soon. I’ve never heard of that before and I’m sorry to hear about the haemorage. As long as you and your wife are happy that is the main thing. 🤗 aside from that mate, you seem that you just have a more extreme state of Demi sexualism (if that’s even a word) than myself. I never really let anyone close enough for it but when I did I started to desire a friend I’ve known for years after about 5months of being around her. Never date friends 😞. Link to post Share on other sites
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