Galactic Turtle Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 Exactly. Demi and grey are technically sexual because they're not asexual as they experience, at some point in time, sexual attraction. They're just part of all these "ace umbrella"/"ace community" type places because their experiences can be closer to the typical asexual experience than the typical sexual experience and some people who fall in that are find such communities useful. I'm sure tons of people might fit one's description of demi/gray but they don't identify as such because either they don't know about it, don't think it matters, don't think it's useful, etc. But for those who do, they pick up the label. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 11 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: It'd be nice if we could quantify it a bit. Like, if you think about sex more than twice a day, or find more than two people a week attractive, you're sexual. Or something It's not about thinking about sex. It's about experiencing sexual attraction. If you experience sexual attraction, then you are sexual. You can divide it up further than that if you want, but that's really based on one's own perception of where they fall compared to the people around them. Some people might clearly see they're "less sexual" compared to everyone they know, but even then they might not feel inspired to look up asexuality or related topics. They just know that they have their own pace/frequency and it works for them. I've seen some people ID as demi because once they start dating it takes them three months to see look at their partner sexually. I know lots of people who got to their twenties and wouldn't even bring up sex as a point of discussion until 6+ months in. Does that mean they're demi? Well maybe, if they feel like calling themselves that. All of them are perfectly fine calling themselves straight. On the opposite end some people call themselves gray because they're 40 years old and have been sexually attracted to someone once when they were 22 so they say "well yes I'm pretty much asexual but just because that one experience left such an impact on me I stick to the gray label if people want to get into specifics." Link to post Share on other sites
GrayJay Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 12 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said: Exactly. Demi and grey are technically sexual because they're not asexual as they experience, at some point in time, sexual attraction. . Well I’m Demi sexual and I have had no physical attraction for almost two years. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 1:41 PM, Galactic Turtle said: Some people might clearly see they're "less sexual" compared to everyone they know, but even then they might not feel inspired to look up asexuality or related topics. They just know that they have their own pace/frequency and it works for them. . Link to post Share on other sites
Spaka Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 23 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: It'd be nice if we could quantify it a bit. Like, if you think about sex more than twice a day, or find more than two people a week attractive, you're sexual. Or something Going by that I’m more asexual than sexual. I don’t find women/men attractive or sexually attractive. It takes a lot to make me want to have sex with someone i really don’t like labels but I identify with being Demisexual. I’ve got to call myself something and the way the conversation of Demi or grey keeps going round in circles I don’t think I’m going to get the clarification I need to change my mind Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 7 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: I guess that makes sense ... But it makes the whole Demi/grey thing problematic ... And makes discussions about 'Am I grey? Am I sexual? Etc' really awkward. Like, maybe there could be some sort of comparison to national statistics or something ... I dunno. But then, doesn't that make grey sexuality a cultural label rather than an orientation or sexuality label? Move to another country or go on vacation and you go from being a grey asexual to a hyper-sexual sexual and then back again... I don't think it's problematic, it's just people choosing something that feels right to them. Sometimes using the label helps with one's dating life if they've been running into the trouble of always picking people who aren't compatible with them sexually putting the gray/demi label out there might bring them to people who are more on their same page in the intimacy department. But sexual orientations aren't based on frequency, they're based on who you're attracted to. Demi/gray/and the dozens of sub labels that exist in the ace community are all based on things other than what gender of person you're attracted to. You could make a word for "sexually attracted to androgynous men on Tuesdays that are partly cloudy on odd numbered years" if you wanted to. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 12 minutes ago, GrayJay said: Well I’m Demi sexual and I have had no physical attraction for almost two years. Cool. That's the label that works for you. I consider myself to be asexual because I have not experienced this in my entire life. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 1:54 PM, Spaka said: Going by that I’m more asexual than sexual. I don’t find women/men attractive or sexually attractive. It takes a lot to make me want to have sex with someone . Link to post Share on other sites
Spaka Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 2 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: I'm not sure asexuality is really a sliding scale like that in my mind, more of a hard border. But the scale between grey and sexual seems a lot more ... Well, shades of grey But when is a grey sexual just a picky allo sexual? Maybe it doesn't really matter. You make many good points. I guess this is the most important, in that 'grey' isn't an orientation label, it's more a frequency label. Something like the opposite of hyper-sexual, or nymphomania or whatever. 2 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: I'm not sure asexuality is really a sliding scale like that in my mind, more of a hard border. But the scale between grey and sexual seems a lot more ... Well, shades of grey But when is a grey sexual just a picky allo sexual? Maybe it doesn't really matter. You make many good points. I guess this is the most important, in that 'grey' isn't an orientation label, it's more a frequency label. Something like the opposite of hyper-sexual, or nymphomania or whatever. Well the same can be said for bi sexual. Say you sleep with 10 people in your lifetime and 4 are the same sex. Does that qualify you as bi or just a straight person who experiments? Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 2:04 PM, Spaka said: Well the same can be said for bi sexual. Say you sleep with 10 people in your lifetime and 4 are the same sex. Does that qualify you as bi or just a straight person who experiments? . Link to post Share on other sites
Spaka Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 8 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: Good point. My gut would say, if you were attracted to them and desired sex for the intrinsic pleasure of sex (not just out of curiosty or peer pressure or whatever) then you're bisexual even if you only even fantasised about sleeping with one of each gender. So your sort of saying that you are sexual if you “desired sex for the intrinsic pleasure of sex”. So so where does that leave me?. I don’t get sexually attracted at all. I have to really get to know a person before I’m romantically attracted and then im not romantically attracted to the person more to who they are. Sex to me is mechanical. I do it because that’s what my partner wants. There is no pleasure in it for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 2:16 PM, Spaka said: So your sort of saying that you are sexual if you “desired sex for the intrinsic pleasure of sex”. . Link to post Share on other sites
Spaka Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 1 minute ago, Dreamsexual said: You're asking for how I see things? I should note at the outset that my POV is a minority viewpoint, and I'm only speaking for myself here. Yes, to me, if you desire some sort of sex act, or desire something that gives sexual pleasure (however muted), then you are sexual in that you have an inner sex life of some sort. You may also be 'effectively' asexual, but in terms of sexuality you are (IMHO) sexual. If you're not desiring sex to any degree then you're not sexual. If one has sex purely for the sake of others, or to get some sort of relief akin to going to the toilet, that wouldn't count as sexual IMHO. You have an external sex life, but not an internal one - and can be asexual. The mirror reverse of a sexual virgin who refrains from masturbation, who strongly desires sex but hasn't got any external sex life. It's the internal stuff that matters, IMHO. Well I can see your point and I agree. So now I know that I’m not sexual I can at some point figure out where I am 😁 Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 2:26 PM, Spaka said: I’m not sexual I can at some point figure out where I am . Link to post Share on other sites
Spaka Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 3 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: Well, that's going to be much harder, lol Theres many types of asexuals ... But it seems you don't desire sex or have any internal sex life, which would make you asexual, I think. You may identify yourself as hetero, homo, bi, pan etc sexual on top of that - so hetero-asexual. Hopefully this isn't too difficult. And then the tricky part is whether or not you desire romance or expereince romantic attraction, but it seems like you already said no to that, so that would make you aromantic too. Is there something else that complicates it? There is always complications. Like my kink for shaving women’s legs. I enjoy doing it but it isn’t sexual enjoyment. Or the fact that I enjoy the pain of getting whipped Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 2:40 PM, Spaka said: it isn’t sexual enjoyment. Or the fact that I enjoy the pain of getting whipped . Link to post Share on other sites
Spaka Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 8 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: What is sexual enjoyment to you? If act X causes, or could possibly cause, some form of physical or emotional response normally associated in humans with sexual pleasure (as distinct from gustatory pleasure, say), and this is pleasurable to/for you, then I would count this as 'sexual pleasure' regardless of whether or not it leads, or could lead, to orgasm, genital arousal or the such like That means everything we do from eating to brushing our teeth to going to the toilet can be considered act x because there is a kink/fetish for everything imaginable i don’t get pleasure from getting whipped I like the pain it causes Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 A am sexual. I think about and desire sex with my wife often. Think - many times / day. would want sex - every day or two (I think, I've never had the opportunity to find out if I'd get tired of it after a while). My interests in sex with her are very broad (but again mostly remain fantasies). I'm attracted to a lot of women in a fantasy sort of way, but would only want sex with someone I knew well and felt close to (I think). OTOH I like a lot of people so maybe it would be easy for me to quickly feel close to someone I met Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 3:04 PM, Spaka said: everything we do from eating to brushing our teeth to going to the toilet can be considered act x because there is a kink/fetish for everything imaginable . Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 1 hour ago, Dreamsexual said: But when is a grey sexual just a picky allo sexual? Maybe it doesn't really matter. Haha yeah, I personally dont think it matters. Which is why I technically would probably be demisexual, but I am happy to just do without that label cause... I dont see the point in using grey or demi. I desire my spouse and only my spouse. But, who cares? I desire a monogamous sex life with my life partner, seems a pretty common thing I dont need a label for. The fact it took me 30 years to find the one person that sparked it is weird but meh. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayJay Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 5 minutes ago, Serran said: Haha yeah, I personally dont think it matters. Which is why I technically would probably be demisexual, but I am happy to just do without that label cause... I dont see the point in using grey or demi. I desire my spouse and only my spouse. But, who cares? I desire a monogamous sex life with my life partner, seems a pretty common thing I dont need a label for. The fact it took me 30 years to find the one person that sparked it is weird but meh. That’s actually really nice to hear. 😄🤗 happy for ya, maybe I’ll find mine eh? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 I only want sex with someone I'm in a committed relationship with. I think for me, the difference between that and Demi, is that I would be able to have sex in any relationship, I have that desire even though I've never dated. Someone who is Demi could take months or years of knowing someone to feel that spark or desire, if it happens at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 I think of greysexual as "almost asexual", meaning that they feel desire occasionally, but not enough to function sexually or like a sexual person in a relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 4:06 PM, humantoafault said: I think of greysexual as "almost asexual", meaning that they feel desire occasionally, but not enough to function sexually or like a sexual person in a relationship .. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 So, if a mathematical formula is established to determine who counts as what, will we have to set up an international governing body of sexuality? Will people have to pay membership premiums to be officially recognized as ace or grey or demi or whatever? Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 3 minutes ago, Snao Cone said: So, if a mathematical formula is established to determine who counts as what, will we have to set up an international governing body of sexuality? Will people have to pay membership premiums to be officially recognized as ace or grey or demi or whatever? Please Snao, it's already expensive enough running two cars :c Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 5:11 PM, Snao Cone said: So, if a mathematical formula is established to determine who counts as what, will we have to set up an international governing body of sexuality? Will people have to pay membership premiums to be officially recognized as ace or grey or demi or whatever? . Link to post Share on other sites
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