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Any mothers/sisters of asexuals that can anwer question?


Bluemith

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Hi, ive known for years that i was differnt from everybody else in my life. Ive known probably since elementry school when all my class mates were "going out" with each other. I was just wondering what its like for a mother or sister (my only close family) to find out about asexuality. Ive just found out there was a name for my feelings yesterday, but i know to the core that its who i am. Any advice on how to aproach this with my mother and sister? Im not worried about them accepting me, we are a tight family due to severe heartache earlier in life. What im worried about is the effect my being different might have on them. No one in my area, that i know of, has ever heard of asexuality so its going to be two blows instead of one. Thanks in advance --Blue

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I don't quite see why it would matter at all to your mother or sister that you're asexual. You're just not interested in sexual relationships. Period. Except maybe that your mother may be disappointed because of grandchildren she may not have from you.

If a brother or sister of mine would tell me they're asexual, fine, no problem whatever. That is if they are single. If they're married or in a permanent relationship and discover they're asexual and IF they would ask my opinion, I'd strongly encourage them to work out a compromise with their spouse/partner which does not neglect their partner's need altogether.

Generally, though, sexual preferences or dislikes have never been a topic for me except with my partner - or in case the area is problematic to get help in finding a solution. And I would not encourage family to discuss their sexual likes in depth as I'm just not interested in that type of discussion, although I am a sexual and like sex.

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I told my sister in an email. She was totally fine with it, hardly even gave it a second thought.

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I was paraded often to select a mate and didn't have the option of telling anyone I wasn't interested. I simply dated who they put before me once and it was never mentioned again. I didn't want to get married or have children as I wanted an art career. --- I didn't become promiscious or a prude... I just didn't comment too much. In college, I found one person that I did love enough to give up my dream career and he wanted children. This worked really well as I decided I could devote 8 years to each child and then I figured I was pretty well done. chuckle.

He was very supportive when I went off and had an art career. It was great... I was like with a license to travel with a ticket of don't touch. I truely enjoyed myself. We did part after 24 years but that was a long time.

Problems arise with my old family (mom) who wants me again married but I just disappeared to her. Too much trouble explaining and she's really old.

Just keep your options open, like we didn't have ways that were reliable for keeping from getting pregnant or sexual diseases so I obstained. I had this cute thing I'd tell a guy if he asked me to marry him. I'd say, 'You can ask me again another time if you can agree to the conditions of what I want.' 'they would say: 'what do you want?' I would then say, ' If I give up my career, then I want 7 children and to only be a mom.' They all went away and did not come back with the question of marriage except the one I married. Except we only had 2 but it was good. When they were grown he had the empty nest syndrone bad. He was my best friend. It was great and I feel great now. So be mysterious and make up riddles for someone to jump thru the hoop. I got both worlds. chuckle.

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