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Would you change your asexuality if possible?


Calla_Lily

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i'm just curious how many asexuals would change to "sexuals" if that was even possible. or, are you content with yourself the way you are and cannot imagine being any other way?

...personally, i would not change if given the chance. i'm content with that area of my life and embrace it. i do feel like a fish out of water, living in a sexual society. that IS one thing i'd like to change; i'd love to live in an asexual society. (yea, i'm a dreamer)

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The simple answer: No, I wouldn't.

I've had plenty of time to get to know all sorts of people, plus time to observe thousands more. The overwhelming majority of them were sexuals.

In the long run I don't think that sexuals have it any easier and they aren't any happier. It just seems that way on the surface because, numerically speaking, they have a larger group of potential mates.

However, that also means that they have a LOT less incentive to make their relationships work. There are "plenty of fish in the sea" for a sexual, and maybe that's why so many of them can't be bothered to make a difficult relationship work. (Notice that I didn't say ALL, just many.)

A 50%-60% divorce rate helps to remind me that I want no part of the sexual's relationship scene. If that many marriages are failing, then what are the odds of success for any given relationship?

-GB

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Oh WOW! A tough question.

If you mean make the change now at this point in my life and become instantly sexual. No, I'd remain the way I am. I am who I am.

If you mean, go back to birth and be born a sexual instead of asexual. Then yes, I'd do that. Because I would not know any of this life. It would be a whole new life.

But definately not change now. I have grown used to myself and have completely accepted myself as to who and what I am.

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str8fuknpimpin

i'm pretty cool like this. um, nah, cause i mean think about it. i wouldn't want something getting in the way of my values/theories of how i wanna live my life...

like sexuals might do stupid shit...like cheat on a girlfriend because she's hot and the rod was leading um, and hurting his girl...i dunno

but yeah. we're better :wink:

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Oh WOW! A tough question.

If you mean make the change now at this point in my life and become instantly sexual. No, I'd remain the way I am. I am who I am.

If you mean, go back to birth and be born a sexual instead of asexual. Then yes, I'd do that. Because I would not know any of this life. It would be a whole new life.

But definately not change now. I have grown used to myself and have completely accepted myself as to who and what I am

.

Well put..I couldn't agree more

roddy

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No way. I'm me, and I'm happy being me. Why would I want to try changing something that I'm comfortable with?

Thats like saying, "You love your long blonde hair so why not cut it short and dye it black so you can look like Kelly."

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This is such a good question but it has set off such a tyraid of philosophical debates in my head that I can't concentrate. Namely, what's the point in regret? What if we did get another life and could choose? is there a return from asexuality and would taking it be like stepping backward; undoing pieces of ourselves?

Yeah...sounds like my head is trying to say NO, I wouldn't choose to change. Not in any life. And not even in my past, despite how long or bumpy the road has been.

Ahhh...peace again.

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Personally I love thinking about stuff like this. But no, I wouldn't change. Yeah, 99% of the world is sexual, but from my point of view it appears to be more of a burden than a joy.

I'm really grateful I don't have physical urges that force me into doing things against my better judgement, and wouldn't want to acquire any such urges at this late date.

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Great question! No, I would not change anything, either now, or if I could start over again. Like Aeriel said, I would not want to be burdened with urges that might cause me to do stupid things. I was in a relationship with a sexual (before I realized I was asexual) and I lost some respect for him, as he could not seem to control his urges.

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no, I definitely wouldn't change a thing. I'm very happy the way I am. Sometimes I wish that I had realized 20, 30 or 40 years ago that I was asexual, but then I wouldn't have gotten married and had my kids. Besides I think that everything a person goes through during their life contributes to and makes them what they are today. So I guess it was all worth it cause I'm pretty satisfied with how I feel about my life - besides I really don't have the time to be a sexual.

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i agree with you aeriel, being sexual DOES seem like a huge burden to me too, so i am very grateful i'm not a sexual.

so far it seems like everyone here agrees that they're happy they're asexual and wouldn't change it. i kinda thought most people would feel that way but was curious to hear everyone's thoughts.

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Adventuress Heart

I agree with Ziffler as well.

Being sexual would only make things easier for me if I were in a relationship. As an asexual I could still get involved with a sexual person although I feel I'd have to be "faking" it all along, which isn't easy.

I'm quite grateful being asexual, I have an excuse. I don't know if anyone else feels this way. Maybe it's the cultural pressures I face.

As an aspie if I were sexual I think I'd probably have problems with a relationship anyway therefore I'd want to avoid it, but then again it would be much harder.

Would I want to change if given the chance? No way. I celebrate everyday for being just the way I am.

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I don't think I'd change... because I work for a divorce attorney, and I see how much fun (not) these people in relationships are having! Most people have a sexual urge or an urge to be in a relationship... I have a "get the hell away from me" urge! And it sure keeps me outta trouble!

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Yes, I absolutely would change if I could. I am married and my asexuality is making both my husband and myself miserable. Neither of us is happy because although I hate it, I force myself to tolerate sex for his sake. He is highly sexual and I know it frustrates him that I am not more interested in sex and am not more responsive to him. I'd love to be able to participate in a 'normal', sexual marriage with my husband.

Furthermore, I am tired of feeling like a freak in society. I don't know what I'm going to do when it comes time to discuss sex with my children. I am very uncomfortable with the subject have no idea how to discuss the topic of sexuality and sexual attraction because it's something I can't relate to. Also, I'm afraid that if anything were ever to happen to my marriage, the odds of my ever finding another husbnad would be infinitesimally small. Despite the sexual obligations, I do like being married.

I suppose if I were happily single it would be different. But I desperately want the kind of committed relationship that comes from marriage. I crave the companionship, emotional intimacy, and partnership, but it doesn't seem possible to have all that without compromising myself and having sex.

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hi glamourgirl,

i used to be married to a sexual, so i can understand your pain. there just is no easy "compromise" to the situation, you can't have 'halfway' sex, so one person is usually doing (or NOT doing) something they don't enjoy. as for talking to your kids about sex, maybe your hubby could handle that?

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Nope! As everyone else has stated in one way or another being asexual is so much apart of who I am now I can't imagine being sexual. Too much baggage comes with a sexual relationship. Unless I'm blessed with another asexual relationship I'll happily stay single!

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It might not make you happier. I know a lot of people who get lots of sex and they're always grumpy, depressed & miserable... I don't know if it's the sex, or if it's just that all my friends have bad attitudes.

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I would consider it only because it would be easier to find someone. but then the idea of a realtionship without the sexual element is way to appealing to give up on

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I have considered myself asexual for about 6 years. I used to be sexual and when sexual attraction left me it felt like a blessing. And I wouldn't want it back.

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Well said, both of you!

I would consider it only because it would be easier to find someone. but then the idea of a realtionship without the sexual element is way to appealing to give up on
I suppose if I were happily single it would be different. But I desperately want the kind of committed relationship that comes from marriage. I crave the companionship, emotional intimacy, and partnership, but it doesn't seem possible to have all that without compromising myself and having sex.

I would really like to know what I'm missing sometimes. What is sex really supposed to feel like!?! I'd like to experience that but not have to have urges that sometimes, if not requited cause frustration! That seems tortuous to me and I'm glad to be spared.

I think with the divorce rate as high as it is there would likely be other things we could argue about but getting with a sexual insures fights about that topic. My marriage of 15 years was over because his mother moved in and stole my life. I lost everything. The one thing I was ecstatic about was that I no longer HAD to have sex with HIM!

13 years later, I'm tired. I'd like to get married again for the reasons in the above quote but don't like the feeling that I'd be deceiving the sexual that I entered the relationship with. If it would make it easier to find someone then yes, I'd change. I am currently seeking an asexual.

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I would really like to know what I'm missing sometimes. What is sex really supposed to feel like!?!

I wonder this too. I know what it feels like to me, but obviously everyone else is getting something I'm not getting from it, or the human race would've long since died out. It's like one big inside joke the whole world is in on, and I don't get it. I laugh at dirty jokes and even make them myself, but I feel like a fraud.

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I definately would. I always feel like I'm missing something as well, and it's really frustrating having a sex drive and being unable to share it.

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I'd like to experience that but not have to have urges that sometimes, if not requited cause frustration! That seems tortuous to me and I'm glad to be spared.

Believe it or not, it's usually not unpleasant. Sometimes inconvenient, or a little uncomfortable, but more often it's exciting and fun. To quote a Disney movie: "If this is torture, chain me to the wall!"

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Nope. Never. It gives me a very unique vantage point, particularly as a writer, and I'm thankful for it. My only worries about "ending up alone" have more to do with the possibility that my friends will end up getting married, having kids, etc. and falling out of touch with them due to a lack of shared experience than with my own lack of interest in pairing off. Wow... that sentence was long, unclear, and poorly crafted. Anybody get that?

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Crystal clear, Moonsparrow. I would point out that, although I have two sons, there is no guarantee that I will not be alone at the end.

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I have 2 daughters and will definitely be alone in the end. They have already estranged themselves almost completely. They are now 21 and 23.

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