Jump to content

Brand spanking new. I'm shiny, too.


Veltzeh

Recommended Posts

I'm introducing myself! (Granted, I posted this same thing (well, similar) in LJ's asexuality community, but I didn't really get replies, so I came here.)

I'll just skip a general description (surely you can find my homepage links if you're interested, right?) and go straight to how I relate to asexuality.

Well... that's actually a bit complex. I've read a few posts here and a few definitions there and I'm a bit confused. I generally classify myself as something between pansexual and asexual if asked. Now, my take on sex is that hey, sure feels good when I do it to myself. ...Do I want to bring other people into this stuff? I don't know how it feels like to be touched or to have sex with someone else – there are times when I feel like I'd like to know and then some times when the idea doesn't appeal to me too much. Note that neither of these is a strong feeling, actually they're pretty weak and I just think about it a bit and get on with other stuff. I don't go around looking for a way to try and (as far as I know) I don't push people away just because of that.

Maybe this is unrelated, but hey, I can share, so enjoy! I'm not really a fan of intercourse. It's kind of funny, sex in general as in having pleasure is nice-sounding to me but not the kind of thing where anything is inserted into something. I don't think I'd want to do that and I think that my anatomy wouldn't even permit it too much. I'd suppose it's like taking the sexuality bit out of "traditional" sex or something (if we use very conventional terms). Weird, eh?

Well, I'm autosexual at least.

Here's probably some new stuff, maybe.

I'm not attracted to anything. I don't really find anything sexually desirable. I generally like looking at androgynous bodies but don't find even them sexually attractive as such. I dislike looking at idealized (the western nowadays ideal) female or male bodies and "normal" bodies sort of bore me. Yet I get turned on when I see sex scenes depicted and I like that and don't mind seeing idealized bodies in sex scenery, even if my likes and curiosity would better be satisfied if I saw some epicines going at it. I've never had a crush or anything like that and I have absolutely no clue about the issues when people talk about things like that. That cluelessness totally irks me because 1) I don't know what it's like, 2) I just don't know how to relate to that kind of things and 3) it doesn't seem like anything I'd want to experience. Yet I sort of feel privileged because I am really so clueless. I hate all kinds of romantic relationships as they are presented to me by other people and the media (which might be absolutely wrong, but how is romance defined anyway, and if it isn't defined, I can't talk about it). (I do think that the biggest turn-off in the "traditional relationship business" is the fact that it's so often presented as heteronormative (yes, even the non-heteronormative relationships).) I really don't think I'd want to experience anything like that. That'd mean I'm aromantic, right? Probably anti-romantic.

Most (note: most, not by far ALL) of the stuff I've read around would suggest a lot of asexuals are opposites of me: there's crushes, attraction and relationships but no sex – while I like sex with myself (at least) and would try sex with another (maybe or even probably enjoy it too, I don't know) but I abhor those other things or am unaffected by them. I'm in a way sexual but it isn't directed at anything, not people or objects as in fetishes. I suppose then it could be classified as non-sexual – I mean, to me sex seems like any other thing that makes one feel good. So even if I had another person with whom to share the pleasure, would it still be non-sexual if I'm not in any way "sexually attracted" to the person in the traditional meaning of that phrase?

[Note insert: Just now I recalled some tests I made concerning romance and sexuality. Usually I get that I'm aromantic but somewhat sexual and the test interprets that as me being a some sort of whore or gigolo or whatever other that kind of person who just does sex with anyone. But that's just not applicable, because:]

I can mostly see myself having three kinds of feelings toward other people, and those are respect, trust and general like. There's nothing sexual about any of those, but I'd need to have plenty of trust, respect and liking toward a person if I let em be so physically close to me.

Of course my defining factor with respect to my own indecisiveness here is likely my total lack of experience when it comes to sex/relationships/friendships with other people. I'm thinking I'll need to have sex with someone to decide whether I like it or not, but that's just me. For the most part I just am like that, need to try it before I have an opinion.

By the way, if you're wondering about my physical gender (sex) or mental/social gender or gender identity... I don't DO gender. :D

I'm wordy too. A very good sign of an introvert is the amount of text ey can produce of emself.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Even AVENites have crushes... ;) Welcome! :cake:
I don't! :o That was sort of an issue...

But thanks to all for the welcomes. Now if someone would reply to the actual content... ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome to AVEN.

You're here in the rush of new folks who watched a segment on asexuality on tv, so people are getting kind of lazy about their welcomes ;)

While many AVENites have crushes, many don't. You're in no way an odd duck here for being aromantic. And, romantic or not, many asexuals do enjoy masturbation or even partnersex just in terms of physical stimulation.

We've got lots of wordy introverts here, of all stripes. You ought to fit right in.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Eh... they don't b/c you're just one of many people here. I wonder why you haven't been getting replies in LJ.

and if it isn't defined, I can't talk about it)
Sounds like a cheap side-step to me. Why not? There are lots of things that aren't really defined, highly subjective and relativistic and what not, but people talk about them all the time. Coffeeshops, bars, whatever sci-fi conventions you go to - I highly recommend going there to meet new people , some people might even talk to you, maybe some women that find you attractive, who knows? Just spend time with people, learn more about them and their stories, learn how they relate to the world, it's actually not that hard - just because they look at the world different than you doesn't mean we should dismiss them. Hell, there must be sex clubs in Finland - I highly recommend sex clubs, you get to meet lots of interesting people there, edgier and not normal. Best of luck, have a good weekend

-Adaś

Link to post
Share on other sites
You're here in the rush of new folks who watched a segment on asexuality on tv' date=' so people are getting kind of lazy about their welcomes ;)[/quote']Ah, that would explain it, heh. My timing has always been "excellent".

I hope I don't seem like too much of a perfectionist or something now, but well, nitpicking is what I do. XD

... maybe some women that find you attractive' date=' who knows?[/quote']I don't get why you mention women... if it was just chance' date=' it was an unlucky guess because in general the mental traits I like the least in a person are what the western society labels generally as "feminine". (If I was meaner, I'd just say "ugh, congratulations, you picked the one single gender I DON'T particularly like". XD)

Do note that I don't believe in gender or that mental traits can be gendered, but I'm explaining it to people in a way that they can understand it. I also could've ignored the social implications and just consider genitals, but those don't matter either so we'd still be left confused.

Coffeeshops' date=' bars, whatever sci-fi conventions you go to - I highly recommend going there to meet new people , some people might even talk to you ... Just spend time with people, learn more about them and their stories, learn how they relate to the world, it's actually not that hard - just because they look at the world different than you doesn't mean we should dismiss them. Hell, there must be sex clubs in Finland - I highly recommend sex clubs, you get to meet lots of interesting people there, edgier and not normal.[/quote']I don't go to bars because according to my impression those attract the kind of people I don't really want to meet. As for sex clubs... sounds even worse, aren't those filled with highly sexual people who want one-night's-stands or something? Of course this is just according to what I feel about them based on what I've heard from elsewhere because I have never been in one. They do still sound like the last places that I would go to search people.

I'm very shy and have to make extreme efforts even to go to a sci-fi convention, and that is the stuff I actually like. I'm just not social in real life. I've got social anxiety and a lot of it, but I have few chances to try to get rid of it and not much will to do it because it's so exhausting. I much rather meet people on the net.

But wait, there's more. ;) I have this gender/sex issue... it would get tiring to explain to every single person I meet that no, I'm not <insert sex here>, I'm genderless and I except you to treat me that way. On the net, no one sees me, therefore no rebuking. :D And here I can just link to an explanation or think it over before saying something that I'll regret.

And about dismissing people who look at the world differently... um, what'd you mean by that? I could never interact with a religious fanatic who brings religion into every aspect of life, but I can let those people be and I would expect them to do the same. Of course most views of the world aren't as repulsing as religions, but there are still aspects in them that I'd rather not have brought close to me specifically (like romance). But I wouldn't immediately reject it, of course. I'm thinking most of the stuff that I view differently doesn't affect my interacting with people more than it would for anyone else.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey there Veltzeh, Welcome to AVEN! Heres the welcome :cake: hope you like it i made it special :D Im new here too and i also consider myself an introvert. The few friends i have call me a recluse and a hermit. I was always the loner in school and of corse i got made fun of because of it. My younger sister use to get into fights because of the kids talking about me. I think thats what caused my social anxiety problem. People scare me, terrify me. But, oh well, guess i will just have to deal with it cause im not gonna take pills for the rest of my life just to be "normal". I know my aversion to people has gotten even worse in my adult hood because i can choose weather i want to be around people or not, and i choose the "not" option :P I agree that it is easier to meet over the internet becuase you i dont have to deal with peoples hidden feelings of me. I was in a horrible accident when i was a baby and im not very easy on the eyes. Ive seen it mentioned several times here that mankind are horrible actors when it comes to those hidden feelings.

To make a long story short, i can relate and i feel for ya. I hope AVEN can help change your life or the better as it has for me. Good luck!!

--Blue

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi nad welcome.

Have some more :cake:

I'm an aromantic asexual, I have never had a crush, don't want a relationship and yet I probably would enjoy sex with another person. I don't get sexually attracted to people eother so the issue never comes upo.

There;s a vast array of asexuals and we're all individuals.

I hope AVEN provides some answers.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't see what the question or the original problem was for the reason why you posted?

Did you want to know why or if you are asexual? Or did you want to know what your are if you are asexual do you think there should be sub groups of asexuals?

Also what's the problem. Unless your looking to have sex then your life should be fine. Just live it the way you want it.

Ah the Gender issue that shit is annoying. Can't get a way from the gender in the states. Yeah i'm a chick so you probably find my answers annoying and pointless. But at some point we have to stop what people think of us and tell them to shove off. Yeah know! Except they keep bothering us anyways. Sigh...

:)

Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't see what the question or the original problem was for the reason why you posted?

Oops I meant in the post, what the question you where trying to ask was or is...?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome Veltzeh. Have some :cake:

I'm one of those people getting lazy with welcome replies and I haven't read all the replies. Just want to add I'm another aromantic asexual, you are certainly not the only one, although it does seem like most people aren't.

Hope you find AVEN useful.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the new welcomes again!

I don't see what the question or the original problem was for the reason why you posted?
Oh, I was just telling my story, hoping to spur up some discussion and opinions and see whether anyone else felt the way I do (after seeing a ton of "I hate sex" posts). And yes, I felt confused about whether I am asexual because I don't find sex repulsing at all and many here do. I'm pretty content with the comments I've got this far, at least. :)
Unless your looking to have sex then your life should be fine. Just live it the way you want it.
Ermh... why should my life NOT be fine if I was looking to have sex? (And hey, I might be looking to have sex, just not actively... hmm, I'm not not looking but I'm not looking either. Yay for the golden middle, bwahaha. XD) I know people have this tendency to diss sexuals a little here but I don't accept just sexuality as a reason to diss other people.

I've always lived my life as I wanted, save for the moments when I was directly forced to do otherwise or couldn't affect it. :)

Ah the Gender issue that shit is annoying. Can't get a way from the gender in the states. Yeah i'm a chick so you probably find my answers annoying and pointless
Why would I find your answers annoying because of what gender you identify as? >_>

The net is a great place to escape gender. And even better if you do it in Finnish – no gender-specific pronouns!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Seattleoutsider

Welcome. I am new too. I would never recommend what you should do because it such a personal struggle. I hope you find the answers and support, social exchanges you seek here. I don't get society's preoccupation on gender, be it on the internet or otherwise. I think its perfectly cool to not want to indentify with gender. I think the world is way to preoccupied by gender and sex and classifying and boxing people into sterotypical roles. I also realize most people really require the need to box themselves and others into normal gender labels of male and female and can't fathom a world where people aren't male or female.

Personally, I explored and explored. until I just was sick of going through motions of what I thought was normal or even interesting sexually. I was at one point some what involved in the alternative sex scene but for me it got to point I realized I really didn't fit there, among several other things. I was always thought I was just too complex or something was missing because I just really bore easily. Problem I faced in pansexual community was it just wasn't comfortable place for me, I grew out of it and the focus on sex as recreation and grew frusterated by what I saw as available choices of sexual, emotional, romantic connections within those groups and choices and how I just wired differently then those around me. I had to painful accept none of the scene was benefitting me and I wasn't interested in putting more energy back to it either to form more close friendships,etc. It was very difficult and personal process to even get to point where I could allow myself to accept I just felt more comfortable not being sexual or having to find validation and closeness through sex or fetish. I disliked ideal of being sexualized or fetishized. After long break I tried it again and thought I try it again only to realized perhaps I am asexual, not exactly sure how that will turn out for me. I guess thats part of living we have to figure out what works for ourselves

. I don't regret my sexual exploration, but some of stuff I do wish I could have avoided, I am not virgin, I may change my mind in future but at this point I am just being true to myself I dislike sex and masterbation but sometimes there are things I like personally that could be consider sexual but it just doesn't involve sexual organs or other people.

I have always found it fascinating that others enjoy sex and all that goes with it when I have been up close and personal with others around it but it really doesn't do much for me personally other then a someone as observer who doesn't entirely comprehend it but finds its sometimes interesting to observe and trying to imagine what those experiences are like but its very foreign to me, usually I am quite indifferent to others sexuality to sometimes bothered by it even when I wish it didn't bother me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
in pansexual community

Ok, now where do I find THAT then? :shock:

The net is a great place to escape gender. And even better if you do it in Finnish – no gender-specific pronouns!

I'll have to emigrate to Finland.

Actually I once tried to live in Italy, but I left, partly because I just hated it that every other word in the Italian language seemed to scream at me: "You're a woman!" Non sei stanco - sei stanca! As if there was even a genderspecific difference in the quality of tiredness as experienced by women or men respectively. :roll:

But even though I do not really identify as a woman or man, I sometimes do feel the need to "out" myself as a biological woman (e.g. on this board) as a sort of demonstration of solidarity with women as a class. Particularly on the internet. If you don't declare your gender, many online communities will just automatically assume you're male. And an all-male society is NOT my vision of a genderless society.

BTW, I can identify with something you wrote in your first post: that it's often the heteronormative nature of sex (I'd add: and the meanings that are culturally attributed to sex, in particular) that infiltrate even relationships which seem "non-heteronormative" on the surface that's the most off-putting thing about sex.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Seattleoutsider

Pansexual term was at least used in the fetish community I was involved in. I guess they have them every where.

I was involved with S&M scene. For me it was about sensation then sex.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ah, the fetish and S/M communities. Yes, I suppose I could find people like that around here. But I don't think that power games or objects are my cup of tea.

Well, I guess most sexual communities define over something specific that turns them on. If it's not a particular gender, then it's a particular practice etc. :cry:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Seattleoutsider

Communication and having good sense of boundaries is very important.

There are some really great and open minded, very respectful people in the scene who respect all forms of sexuality and genders too. I learned about this group from a S&M group I belong too briefly. There good people everywhere but there are people too who seriously have major issues and do not respect other people's space, boundaries and incapable of being openminded about anything other then what they are into the scene too.

The rest was edited or deleted because it irrelevant and should probably be in my own introduction or not here at all.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Actually I once tried to live in Italy, but I left, partly because I just hated it that every other word in the Italian language seemed to scream at me: "You're a woman!" Non sei stanco - sei stanca! As if there was even a genderspecific difference in the quality of tiredness as experienced by women or men respectively.
Exactly! That's just silly, but even that's not as bad as Hebrew (I think it was Hebrew... could be wrong) where it's different on whether you're talking to a woman or man and whether you are woman or man. So four different things. It's just... geez! I wouldn't be able to live with a language like that. I can make do with English, got somehow along with German and was eventually pissed off at French. X)

In Finland we don't even use the "sir" and "madam" etc. equivalents much. :)

I sometimes do feel the need to "out" myself as a biological woman (e.g. on this board) as a sort of demonstration of solidarity with women as a class. Particularly on the internet. If you don't declare your gender, many online communities will just automatically assume you're male. And an all-male society is NOT my vision of a genderless society.
I sometimes feel the same about biology, but I learned soon to just keep it to myself and just rebuke anything that might relate to me having a gender or sex. I suppose it still doesn't really work in all cases, but then again, my experience is that it's more comfortable (for me personally at least) if they think I'm male. But at least I make it known to all that I'm genderless, whatever they might think afterwards. :) I really like making up epicene societies and watching how my mind makes them develop! :D

Of course there's the thing that I don't think people can be divided into "classes" according to gender or sex anyway, but yeah.

If anyone is still confused, it's "mastUrbate"... :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Seattleoutsider

Sorry spelling sometimes isn't my best suit. LOL Somedays I am lucky if able to open eyes and remain conscious that I can even think put together series of thoughts literally. I mean this literally too.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Heh, yeah. I know a writer who often spells things funny and says "I'm concerned with writing, not spelling!" Even I still struggle with prepositions and future tense, but then again I can just blame the language barrier. :D

I was thinking of replying something to what you wrote, Seattleoutsider, but I realized I don't really have anything to say as I don't really have any similar experiences. However, that observing point sounds familiar. :) Mild voyeurism is nice, heh. (And the internet brings it home!) X)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't speak Hebrew, but, if what you say is true, it doesn't sound like "my kind of language"... I think in Japanese there are similar rules regulating how men and women can talk to each other and to their own sex... (Interesting topic. In many Western countries there have been various feminist endeavours to invent a gender-neutral language. Have there been attempts like that in Israel or Japan? Might be hard to find out if one doesn't speak the language, but I might do some research on feminist language critiques in Italy, when I get round to it...)

I sometimes do feel the need to "out" myself as a biological woman (e.g. on this board) as a sort of demonstration of solidarity with women as a class. Particularly on the internet. If you don't declare your gender, many online communities will just automatically assume you're male. And an all-male society is NOT my vision of a genderless society.
I sometimes feel the same about biology, but I learned soon to just keep it to myself and just rebuke anything that might relate to me having a gender or sex. I suppose it still doesn't really work in all cases, but then again, my experience is that it's more comfortable (for me personally at least) if they think I'm male. But at least I make it known to all that I'm genderless, whatever they might think afterwards. :) I really like making up epicene societies and watching how my mind makes them develop! :D

Of course there's the thing that I don't think people can be divided into "classes" according to gender or sex anyway, but yeah.

I meant "class" as a purely political category, i.e. the group of people that I get thrown into by other people, which, in my case, happens to be a group that is still being marginalised and discriminated against, so that, on a political level, I think it's necessary to stand up for one's rights as a member of that group.

I have sometimes felt more comfortable on certain message boards when people believed I was male, but that always made me feel like a traitor. I used to frequent certain forums concerned with technical stuff and simply everybody there was or seemed to be male. Letting them believe I was male, too, simply by not saying anything to the contrary, would sort of have confirmed the stereotype that women generally have no idea when it comes to technology, and I didn't want to do that.

But I've never told people straight away: I'm genderless. Do you normally get away with that? (I mean, people are probably going to respect that here, but on boards that are not in any way related to gender or sexual issues?)[/i]

Link to post
Share on other sites
Seattleoutsider

by the way if u r around and bored i am in chatroom playing with the emoticons lol all by my lonesome lol edit never mine i played now I am going.

class issue grr I don't want to go there I struggle with this every day due to my personal standing as someone who disabled, poor and different often seen in political mainstream as undesireable.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...