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Orientation elitism


Dreamsexual

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Dreamsexual

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Dreamsexual
On 28 May 2019 at 12:58 PM, PaganUnicorn said:

Self-flagellate.

 

jk

 

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Dreamsexual
On 28 May 2019 at 1:07 PM, PaganUnicorn said:

Post endlessly about how your orientation is better than other peoples by calling them autistic and broken for not sharing it, talk endlessly about your experiences even if they are the most banal thing in the world and even if nobody cares, spend your days trolling a forum for people who dont share your orientations instead of i dunno, getting laid or something

 

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I admit I do feel a little superior as Asexual because I know I won’t be wasting time and money on relationships, having children and obsessing over people.

 

It doesn’t make me a better person, I’m not really a real person, but it feels good knowing those issues won’t ever be mine.

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Dreamsexual
On 28 May 2019 at 1:53 PM, Jade Cross said:

I think that, in most cases, feeling like you need to establish superiority is due to retaliation againts being constantly told youre inferior or somehow less human or less everything because you dont desire to engage in sex. I confess these ard feelings that have at one point or other arisen in me. 

H

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Dreamsexual
On 28 May 2019 at 1:53 PM, CBC said:

Why does superiority have to come into it?

 

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bare_trees

Well, my entire childhood and teen years were spent being told I was going to go to hell if I weren't heterosexual and that heterosexuality is the only healthy orientation, so I guess you could call that orientation elitism.  I've never thought about it in those terms exactly, so now I'm tempted to use that on the next vehement homophobe I encounter.

 

As for internalizing it, it wasn't until my late twenties that I was ok with not being strictly gay or strictly straight.  I buried these ideas because they are hateful, but I always felt like bisexual/pansexual people were more confused than everyone else.  Like, it's not acceptable to be gay, but at least you picked a team, right?  I thought that acknowledging that I liked guys and women would just further complicate my life, so I tried to talk myself into being either gay or straight, depending on who I was interested in at the time.  I guess it didn't help that I didn't know any openly bi or pan people.  I assumed that the rumor that bisexual people are promiscuous was true, and I knew that wasn't right for me because I didn't really fantasize about or desire sex.

 

Sorry--I forgot to address the last question.  Time was the only thing that really allowed me to tackle all of that self-loathing.  But talking to older queer people helped.  It was just that sometimes what I was experiencing was beyond their understanding (like being on the ace spectrum), but they tried to tell me it's ok to be who I am.

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Dreamsexual
On 28 May 2019 at 2:05 PM, CBC said:

True. And I feel like adults should be able to move beyond that mindset.

 

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Dreamsexual
On 28 May 2019 at 2:11 PM, Telecaster68 said:

... which really makes life awkward for those of us who are truly superior, I can tell you.

 

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Anthracite_Impreza

Given how many times I imagine all of us have been told 'straight' is the only natural/healthy/acceptable orientation, I don't think there's any question orientation elitism is a thing. I don't understand why anyone cares, let alone to the point of actual murder.

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I'll have to admit that I often feel like I've been "blessed", being aro and ace. I do think my loner-nature contributes to it too, though.

Not craving a relationship, not having sexual urges, and then seeing how these things affects others, sure makes it feel like I dodged a bullet.

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Dreamsexual
On 28 May 2019 at 2:17 PM, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I don't understand why anyone cares

 

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Dreamsexual
On 28 May 2019 at 2:18 PM, Marian the Herbalist said:

I'll have to admit that I often feel like I've been "blessed"

 

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1 minute ago, Dreamsexual said:

Does that mean sexuals are unblessed?

More like "burdened" in my head, lol. I'm sure they don't feel that way, but that's how it often looks to me.

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Anthracite_Impreza
3 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said:

Fear?  Disgust? Anger?

 

Why though? I'm not disgusted by anthros, I don't give a fuck as long as they leave me out of it.

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Alawyn-Aebt

I have encountered that, or the idea that the 'others' are so different from 'us'. Fill in others and us with whatever is applicable in the context.

It is really a false dichotomy.

 

Like patriotism, there is not much different between an American and a Canadian, so why do some people feel some special connection to their fellow citizens?

That's another thing I shall never understand.

 

Also, not everyone has been told that cisgender heterosexuality is the norm; it is assumed because it is, statistically, more common, but in most places assumptions about sexual preference or lack thereof are irrelevant.

 

I do sometimes feel superior, but not from asexuality, from just being myself. I know that sounds egotistical.

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Anthracite_Impreza
4 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Sort of like Lancastrians then?

Don't talk about lancastrians in front of me.

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10 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

I think blesssed might have been the incorrect word to use. I would say that aces dont go through certain situations sexuals do and viceversa

It was the best word I could come up with, even though I'm not religious :P What you're saying is true, but what I feel isn't necessarily "true", it's just how I feel.

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If I had to rank, I think caucasian cis male homosexuals are still at the top of the GRSM hierarchy or have the most "elitism" status. I say this given their representation and history of gatekeeping every other orientation out in the past. I don't think that is as bad today as in the past. 
Being any type of sexual sounds objectively nicer on paper than ace. As for myself, I just wish my orientation were more clear-cut. I'd rather be totally averse or head-over-heels allo in any direction than this nothing & neutral meh.

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Meh is my preferred state :D

 

I don't think that one way is inherently better than the other. They're just different. Some people might have sex for an hour a week, others might think that that's a waste of time (then go count goats or play hangman in Arcade). Some people long for a romantic partner while the thought of "coming home to somebody" would make me want to pull my hair out. At the end of the day, you gotta do what's best for you. Might be a "crappy" way or a "valuable" one, but it's yours.

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everywhere and nowhere

I wouldn't call it orientation elitism... I don't think that orientations are better or worse. But I am critical of heterosexuality as a lifestyle and social framework. I do think that a large propostion of men don't respect women and are not willing to treat them as equals. I do think that relationships with men are not really in women's interest. And, obviously, I'm not saying that all women should become lesbians. But they should consider whether deep friendships can't be as satisfying as "romantic" relationships, with just society teaching us to value them less.

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Dreamsexual
On ‎5‎/‎28‎/‎2019 at 3:39 PM, Nowhere Girl said:

I wouldn't call it orientation elitism... I don't think that orientations are better or worse. But I am critical of heterosexuality as a lifestyle and social framework. I do think that a large propostion of men don't respect women and are not willing to treat them as equals. I do think that relationships with men are not really in women's interest. And, obviously, I'm not saying that all women should become lesbians. But they should consider whether deep friendships can't be as satisfying as "romantic" relationships, with just society teaching us to value them less.

.  

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I've often been told specifically by other sexual people that they envy the way that I am, that things would be a lot easier for them if they were.

 

I mean, I can't argue with that, because I'm (personally) inclined to agree.  I very often see sexual desires and urges at the root of some very poor decision-making, both in fiction and reality.  I do feel like I am advantaged/privileged to be free of such things when it seems like so many other people have susceptibilities to them.

 

The only time I take issue with it is when someone suggests something like "you must be a whole lot more productive with all that free time you have".  Nope, that time just goes toward video games and youtube surfing instead.  I'm not out there curing cancer or anything, and you wouldn't be either.

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12 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

But I am critical of heterosexuality as a lifestyle

What's that "lifestyle" you're talking about?

 

14 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

I do think that relationships with men are not really in women's interest.

What do you think about men's interests? Or women's rights to choose what they want to do with their lives?

 

15 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

with just society teaching us to value them less.

Everyone's favourite scapegoat is back!

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I wouldn't call it orientation elitism... I don't think that orientations are better or worse. But I am critical of heterosexuality as a lifestyle and social framework. I do think that a large propostion of men don't respect women and are not willing to treat them as equals.

I'd say this is more of a misogyny thing rather than a heterosexual thing, personally.

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Dreamsexual
On ‎5‎/‎28‎/‎2019 at 3:57 PM, Telecaster68 said:

Damn that evil 'society'! If I ever find anyone who's a member of this so-called 'society', I'll have stern words with them.

 

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