Suphin Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 Hey guys I need some help. I started dating my girlfriend about 2 years ago and for the first 6 months we were very sexually actives day she lived it. The next six months, we had sex a few times but not very often and now it’s been a year since we’ve had sex. A few months ago she told me that she thinks she is asexual. She is on birth control and other medications that give her a low libido, has PCOS, and PTSD. I think her lack of sexual desire comes from that but do not want to undermine her feelings. She had been extremely grateful of my open mind and respect on the matter but it is becoming increasingly harder. I love my girlfriend and am not willing to lose her. I would never want to hurt her in any way but I have a very high sex drive and that is a difficult thing to deal with. How do I go about finding a compromise and making our relationship work? I had a friend tell me that she needs to meet me half way in the middle but I feel like it’s kind of shitty to expect her to do anything she doesn’t want to do. I know she is not open to the idea of me being able to sleep with other people and to be honest she is the only person I want to be with sexually but idk how to make this relationship work when we have such a difference in desires. Any advice or help you have is much appreciated. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Glenninindy Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 Bro; Your going to have to get a side piece. Your a young, virile, man. Nothing wrong about that either. Some aces get it on once in a while, maybe she will do it for you again in another year lol. You have to think about finding a middle-ground with her. Don't tell her until she eventually asks you what's up? Then you tell her. If she loves you, she will not be selfish, and understand. She must understand your needs, or you must let her go. If I were you, I would start flirting with other girls. If she cares as much as you do about the relationship. she must compromise with your needs too. Micro economics means giving up something to get or keep something. That is what makes our economy and also relationships work out. She must learn this with you, or take the loss. Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 @Suphin I think you ideally you might both get therapy with a LGBTQIA+ savvy relationship therapist (or two -- one each) so she has space to work through her feelings about identity/sexuality and you have someone neutral that can help you figure out your own needs and how to appropriately & effectively communicate them. It's good to give her space and support but you also matter, you can't go on and suffer indefinitely. Link to post Share on other sites
Suphin Posted May 28, 2019 Author Share Posted May 28, 2019 7 minutes ago, OptimisticPessimist said: While those meds can lower libido, if she has experienced no sexual attraction before taking the meds, she is probably Ace, but of course only she can confirm that. This is part of what makes me think it isn’t her sexuality but more of a side effect. None of this came about until she went on meds and it was right around that time that her sex drive declined. Link to post Share on other sites
Suphin Posted May 28, 2019 Author Share Posted May 28, 2019 @anisotrophic A therapist is a really good idea my only issue would be that we would have to drive 45 minutes to get to a therapist that would be good because we live in a small town. Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 @Suphin it might be worth it (and even in a big city it can take that long to get where you want to go!)... Usually people's biggest hurdle is the cost in money. By the time one is dealing with serious relationship issues, the cost in time is usually not relatively big -- as the relationship is, in itself, already taking a lot of your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 18 hours ago, Glenninindy said: Bro; Your going to have to get a side piece. Your a young, virile, man. Nothing wrong about that either. Some aces get it on once in a while, maybe she will do it for you again in another year lol. You have to think about finding a middle-ground with her. Don't tell her until she eventually asks you what's up? Then you tell her. If she loves you, she will not be selfish, and understand. She must understand your needs, or you must let her go. If I were you, I would start flirting with other girls. If she cares as much as you do about the relationship. she must compromise with your needs too. Micro economics means giving up something to get or keep something. That is what makes our economy and also relationships work out. She must learn this with you, or take the loss. Awful "advice" right there. Link to post Share on other sites
Glenninindy Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 29 minutes ago, Homer said: Awful "advice" right there. What did I say wrong? Even if the meds she's on is the problem,she just should not quit taking them for the sex he wants. For some guys it's painful to go without sex mentally and physically. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 2 minutes ago, Glenninindy said: What did I say wrong? Even if the meds she's on is the problem,she just should not quit taking them for the sex he wants. For some guys it's painful to go without sex mentally and physically. Cheating is still a dumb move if you want to have a relationship that's supposed to be built on love and trust. (Is it really necessary to point this out?) Link to post Share on other sites
Glenninindy Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 5 minutes ago, Homer said: Cheating is still a dumb move if you want to have a relationship that's supposed to be built on love and trust. (Is it really necessary to point this out?) He said he did not want to hurt her. That is why I said that. I know it's a dumb move, but I figured she would see things differently this way, like how important this issue is to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 Just now, Glenninindy said: He said he did not want to hurt her. That is why I said that. You think that that's not going to hurt, sooner or later? Link to post Share on other sites
Glenninindy Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 She's hurting him now. Right? He waited a long time hurting. It may even get them into therapy sooner Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 8 minutes ago, Glenninindy said: She's hurting him now. Right? He waited a long time hurting. It may even get them into therapy sooner How is that an answer to my question? Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 I just assumed it was just an ignorable trollish caricature of heterosexual men... Link to post Share on other sites
Glenninindy Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 Ok you all win this one. But you know how this is going to play out later right? The guy wants sex and she doesn't. It will be a ton of hurt later. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 ...and your "solution" is going to prevent that? Link to post Share on other sites
Glenninindy Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 Well of course he should act decently toward her at all times. He loves her. Love and sex are as far apart as East and West. Link to post Share on other sites
Glenninindy Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 OK .Maybe I need therapy too. But I still think he should nt wait around., cut his losses and find someone else,. She changed.. so kaput. I'm gone. Thanks for the ride. Time is precious. Link to post Share on other sites
Solovei Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 1 hour ago, Telecaster68 said: Really, not, for 99pc of the population. And not even for a lot of asexuals. Sex might not be (much of) a part of love for asexuals but it's not its diametrical opposite. Link to post Share on other sites
RAZS Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 On 5/28/2019 at 3:07 AM, Glenninindy said: Bro; Your going to have to get a side piece. Your a young, virile, man. Nothing wrong about that either. Some aces get it on once in a while, maybe she will do it for you again in another year lol. You have to think about finding a middle-ground with her. Don't tell her until she eventually asks you what's up? Then you tell her. If she loves you, she will not be selfish, and understand. She must understand your needs, or you must let her go. If I were you, I would start flirting with other girls. If she cares as much as you do about the relationship. she must compromise with your needs too. Micro economics means giving up something to get or keep something. That is what makes our economy and also relationships work out. She must learn this with you, or take the loss. Seriously? So basically you're saying if she doesn't put out regularly you're going to immediately cheat instead of trying to work out a solution? Please ensure you let any woman foolish enough to consider spending more than 5 minutes in your presence exactly what your views are on her being your slave. Pretty sure she won't spend 10 minutes with you. This is just wrong you seriously need help Link to post Share on other sites
Traveler40 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Holy crap! How did I miss such an entertaining thread?!? I laughed so hard I cried. It was definitely better than Cats. Watching things from a distance, hilarious! 😂 Edit: Even funnier is Glenninindy’s profile inclusion of directions on exactly where to find them. Link to post Share on other sites
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