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sexual or asexual? Just need clarity.


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lost-the-key

Hi! I think I feel sexual attraction on occasion and I don’t think I  am asexual, but I got some quiz results that say otherwise so I want to be sure.  I’m not sure how often greysexuals feel it, but I feel attracted to this one guy and that’s about it right now.  I have had sexual activity in the past.  I was dating someone a few months ago and we couldn’t see each other due to my illness and it drove me crazy (we hadn’t slept together yet and I wanted to).  So I guess that’s two for the past five years.  My partner before that was someone I met and slept with right away (I was drinking/manic).  I primarily felt romantic attraction to him and still feel a strong romantic attraction to him despite the fact we cannot see each other again.  The sex was great, but I wasn’t attracted to him.  Like he was an attractive man and we had perfect sexual chemistry, but he usually initiated (all but once).  But I didn’t like his natural pheromones, even after he showered.  The two before that were also short, one was a good friend, again not much attraction there, but I trusted him and thought I should try.  The other guy confuses me the most, I think there was attraction and I barely knew him.  Then my first boyfriend I felt aroused by, but sex was frequently painful and I didn’t tell him.  Again a very attractive man, women tripped over themselves sometimes to stare at him, I don’t know how I managed to get him.  I felt some attraction initially, but his jerkiness made it less.  Oh after my last relationship I realized all the trauma I went through between these relationships and stopped dating and having sex.  It hasn’t been hard or anything.  I go swimming and I see these half naked fit people and I am like meh.  It seems like my options are hyposexual, sexual, or greysexual.  I only say greysexual, because some have said you can change later in life.  I don’t think I was that way before but the last 5 years seem to be that way.  

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letusdeleteouraccounts

Well you recognize that you feel sexual attraction so you’re definitely not asexual. You’re also saying that you relate to asexuality so I’d say you’re gray hetero/homosexual (depending on your gender). A graysexual is generally known as a person who experiences sexual attraction rarely so I understand that frequency as referring to a person who knows they’ll more than likely experience sexual attraction in the future but not nearly as often as the average person. The rarity is to the point where they don’t have the asexual experience but it still would noticeably affect their sex life. Not to confuse with sex drive or libido which is basically an urge for masturbation/sex

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lost-the-key

I don’t think I am bi or homosexual.  People have thought I might be including my ex boyfriend (the one I wasn’t attracted to).  I’m 37 and haven’t noticed anything.  I have struggled with the idea of whether I am graysexual and these instances are why I was thinking maybe not.  I’ll go with that for now and if I find I am more sexual I will use  heterosexual. Thank you both!  

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NickyTannock

@lost-the-key A belated welcome to AVEN!

 

I think it would depend on whether those feelings lead you to desire sex with someone.

Asexuality is not a lack of libido, but a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.

Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal.

 

There are also other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.

There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Sherlocksmith Cake,

qyyehmwxcjodlad72qpb.jpg

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