Asexuality or Trauma?

[Daisy4283]

Hi! This is my first post on here, and I’ve had a look around the site and found lots of useful information, yet I am still struggling with one concept in particular. I’m 20 years old and have been thinking that I am asexual (not aromantic) for a while now, however I also have PTSD from something that happened when I was a kid. I’ve been struggling to differentiate between the two, like was I meant to be asexual or is this just a side effect of trauma? Is it something that therapy can fix or is this just me forever? I want to stress that I have nothing against asexuality and I don’t think that it’s something that needs to be fixed, it’s just that in my case I want to have a relationship and kids, but the very idea of sex terrifies me and brings on panic attacks. I want to be able to want it, but I don’t know if I can. Does anyone have similar experiences or advice on how to differentiate between the two, or maybe some experiences from asexuals who have overcome their fears for a happily ever after, as well as how they did this? I just could use a little hope right now. Thanks!

[A. Sterling]

Ah, that is difficult. Ultimately, I think it's something you'll have to explore and distinguish for yourself, of course, but I can offer my experiences which might provide some insight, while not being the same. 

 

I have sensory processing issues, so mostly smells and different forms of touch sensations can trigger panic attacks or nausea for me. I did/do have to work out whether this is part of what makes me ace. For me, however, I determined that it is not the same because if I could wear a particular nice shirt but can't because of my SPD I would wear it if I could. Like, I do want to wear it, I just can't. But I legitimately don't want to do any of that sexual romance stuff (it grosses me out and I think it's really weird) so I know that even if it didn't trigger anything (I have no idea if it would) I would not want to do anything. That's how I differentiate anyway. (But I also don't want to have biological kids; I've actually always wanted to adopt.) 

 

Of course, going to therapy to help you figure that out could still be very useful. Just make sure you find a good therapist who, like, actually believes in and is supportive of asexuality. 

[NickyTannock]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I also have early childhood trauma that made me wonder if it's the reason I don't experience sexual attraction.
I've come to accept that this is who I am though because when I doubt myself and think that maybe I'm lying to myself and others about being Asexual, that doubt goes away when I ask myself if I've ever experienced that attraction to have sex with someone, because the answer is a resounding no.
But in my case, I don't desire either sex or a romantic relationship, so there won't be a happily ever after for me.
I'm sorry, I don't have any advice for you, but I thought I would share my own experience in case it helps.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Daisies Cake,

[ryn2]

1 hour ago, MichaelTannock said:

But in my case, I don't desire either sex or a romantic relationship, so there won't be a happily ever after for me.

...or your happily ever after is life with just you.

[lost-the-key]

Trauma can be devastating.  It messes with your head and makes you question everything in life.  My sexual related trauma from childhood wasn’t the same.  I was just molested once by accident by my mom’s boyfriend.  I just realized I am not asexual, because I probably experience sexual attraction, however I am avoiding sex due to trauma from my previous relationships.  I cry often and find it difficult to form trust.  I haven’t had sex for 5 years.  I decided it must be trauma related and not be asexuality.  As for whether you are asexual, it is a question only you can answer.   Sorry if this is disorganized, I suffer from a mental illness.