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kit5888

I'm very very new to this and very confused.

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kit5888

I don't even know where to start, I only know very little about asexuality. I'm a 31 year old female who is physically attracted to the opposite sex but there has never been a point in my life that I have had the desire for sex or have initiated sex. I enjoy being close to another person the kissing and cuddling physical contact. I have been in a few serious relationships with people I have truly loved and in the beginning of those relationships I did engage in sexual activity because that is what I have always thought all loving relationships involved. And in the beginning it was easy to put aside my thoughts and ideas about sex for the other person. It also made me happy to be able to please the other person but I was always left feeling either empty, disgusted with myself, or even physically sick to stomach after sex. After awhile though it gets harder and harder to engage in the chore of having sex and most of my partners either felt hurt, unloved, like I was cheating on them, or that our relationship was ending. I was never able to clearly explain to anyone of them that I don't need or desire sex and because I feel that way doesn't mean I don't love them or don't want to be with them. I'm just so lost and so confused that I've stopped even trying to find a relationship because I feel like it won't work out because I have no desire for sex. I would be grateful for any help, or encouragement, or just others stories that are similar to mine so I don't feel so alone. 

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OracularDream

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I am so sorry your going through this. I for a long time felt the same way.

 

If it means anything I've met other asexuals and people who were very accepting over my sexuality and I've been fortunate to find a friend who is interested in me who is ok with my sexuality and willing to work with my anxieties about being alone. He doesn't pressure me into sex and doesn't feel like that's necessary in the relationship.

 

I went to OkCupid and put myself as asexual and have had the most luck with that because my sexuality is then upfront and there is no room for people to reject me. (Not that I don't get those jerks messaging me saying otherwise)

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thylacine

Just know that you are not alone.  There are a lot of people like you here.

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Auld_Mulk

AVEN is a good place to start... Welcome @kit5888 :cake:

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iff

Welcome kit5888, there are other members here who had similar experiences to you 

 

While I'm here, I'd like to point out a number of useful threads and places on the AVEN. Most important is the site Terms of Service (ToS). I suggest you read them over and feel free to PM me or another mod or admin if you have any questions. Same goes for general forum questions (and you can also use this thread if you'd prefer). That said, if you have any questions about a specific forum, you should ask the moderator of that forum (you can find a list of who mods where here).

I'd also recommend poking around each forum to see what each one is about if you haven't already -- it'll get you used to the site and who the regulars are :)

 

Here's a few more Welcome-related or newbie links you might find useful:

Welcome to Aven, I hope you like it here

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Dreamsexual

 

.

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Lichley

Welcome! More cake? :) 

recipe_elegant-chocolate-cake.jpg?itok=p

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MichaelTannock

@kit5888 A belated welcome to AVEN!

 

You could be a Heteroromantic Asexual.

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.

But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.

There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.

There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.

And more.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Drops of rain on me Cake,

mdwofr64qd7ge9rczvfb.jpg

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CustardCream

Hello and welcome.

 

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