AlyFMartin Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 Hi all. This is a bit of a rambling story but I'm happy to have a place to get it down. I started my journey towards the realization that I'm asexual about 8 months ago and I've never felt better about it. Growing up I always knew I was different. I always knew I didn't feel things the way other people do but I attributed a lot of that to my personality and mostly just didn't think about it. It wasn't till I made it through college with my only dating experience a single date with a guy from match.com that didn't go anywhere that I started to think something was weird but still never really pursued the thought. I just figured I'd meet someone eventually and in the meantime I'd live my life. And I did. Moved overseas to teach English in South Korea, went home for a year, then moved to China where I am now. But as much as I'd like to meet someone, the few (like count on one hand few) dates I've been on never felt what I'd been told to feel so I let it go. Growing up I'd been asked sometimes if there was a chance I was a lesbian. The first couple times I'd actually take a minute to think about it. I'd actually ask myself if there is a chance I was attracted to women. And I'd say no and therefore I spent life assuming I was straight just cause I wasn't attracted to women. I have no idea why but at 28 years old one day I just asked myself if I've ever experienced sexual attraction to men either. And a lightbulb went off. First I thought maybe I was demisexual because I still have a libido. I still can get turned on by reading steamy romance novels so I figured when I finally meet 'the one' those feelings would come. But the more I researched the ace community the more I realized that being asexual doesn't require a complete lack of sex drive (though it can) it just requires a lack of those feelings directed towards others. And suddenly my life made sense. The biggest relief I found was that I can stop waiting for those feelings. I can stop basing the validity of a possible relationship on feelings that I now know I'll never have for another person. Sadly, this still won't make dating much easier for me. I'm still a very introverted, socially anxious person but I know myself a hell of a lot better now so when I do date again, whenever that may be, there is a much greater possibility of it going somewhere. The biggest change this realization brought me is that when I take sexual attraction off the table the idea of dating a women is no different to me than the idea of dating a man. It simply doesn't matter to me. I can see me being happy with someone of either gender. So maybe all those people (and yeah, there were a few throughout the years) who thought I was a lesbian were onto something. So I guess, long story short, the future is wide open. I've started telling select family members. I really don't care if everyone suddenly knew but the idea of making some big Facebook post about it gets my social anxiety kicking. I don't like being the center of attention (said the preschool teacher...). I kind of just wish everybody suddenly knew. So that's where I'm at now. At the beginning of a new chapter in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Mighty One Sam Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 Yay for you! It took me a while to figure things out for myself too. Here is a customary welcome cake! Link to post Share on other sites
Mighty One Sam Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 32 minutes ago, AlyFMartin said: And suddenly my life made sense. It's a very liberating experience isn't it? A lot of time and energy can be spent trying to work this out. Link to post Share on other sites
AlyFMartin Posted May 23, 2019 Author Share Posted May 23, 2019 It was very liberating. It lifted a weight I didn't know I was carrying. I thought I was okay with who I was but I'm so much happier now. Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 Hi AlyFMartin, welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing. I remember for me the great feeling at recognising that I am asexual and finding my place here, that I belong here. I hope it is the same for you While I'm here, I'd like to point out a number of useful threads and places on the AVEN. Most important is the site Terms of Service (ToS). I suggest you read them over and feel free to PM me or another mod or admin if you have any questions. Same goes for general forum questions (and you can also use this thread if you'd prefer). That said, if you have any questions about a specific forum, you should ask the moderator of that forum (you can find a list of who mods where here). I'd also recommend poking around each forum to see what each one is about if you haven't already -- it'll get you used to the site and who the regulars are Here's a few more Welcome-related or newbie links you might find useful: A brief guide to the forums Welcome Lounge mini-manual Asexuality FAQ Welcoming other members Welcome to Aven, I hope you like it here Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 Welcome! Glad to have you join us Link to post Share on other sites
NerdyBirder Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 I had the same realization over the last few months! Your story mirrors mine almost perfectly: going on first dates but never feeling anything, being equally comfortable with close friendships with men and women, etc. I am so relieved to have found people like me in a community like this. Link to post Share on other sites
AlyFMartin Posted May 24, 2019 Author Share Posted May 24, 2019 10 hours ago, NerdyBirder said: I am so relieved to have found people like me in a community like this. I know what you mean. Just finding the word asexual was amazing but then to start actually start interacting with the community has been wonderful. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 A belated welcome to AVEN! In my case, I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, around 14 when I started hearing sexual comments from my peers and in media and found that they bewildered me. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Disneyland Cake, Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 Hello and welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
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