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smeraldinarima

Hello!

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smeraldinarima
I've been a member of AVEN for a couple of years but have not felt ready to introduce myself until now.
 
Sexuality, in general, was always very confusing to me growing up. I remember learning about the details of sexual intimacy as a kid and thinking it was definitely NOT something I wanted to try...I never moved passed that feeling. Peer pressure and the desire to be in a romantic relationship were the only reasons I ever went through with. It was never enjoyable for me. In fact, it often sent me spiralling into depression for days or weeks after. I dated both men and women, and though I found intimacy with a woman more natural for me, I just didn't experience any sexual desire towards the people I dated, though the romantic desire was strong, sometimes obsessive.
 
After many years of heartbreak and despairing loneliness I met someone with whom I was able to tolerate intimacy. I was in my 30's and desperately wanted to start a family. I suspect my mind just put the ick factor aside for the time being. We got married pretty quickly and had two children back to back (thankfully I was very fertile). However, after our second child was born, intimacy became even more difficult for me. Our marriage began to suffer and my anxiety spiked. We are now separated, but still living together, amicably.  A couple of years ago my husband bought me a book called "The Invisible Orientation" by Julie Decker and it explained so much for me and made my struggles feel normal. 
 
The relief I felt after learning about asexuality was huge! I am so grateful for this site and for everyone who has shared their stories. I feel less alone. Thank you!
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Dreamsexual

.

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iff

Hi smeraldinarima , thanks for sharing

Sorry about the relationship difficulties but glad the forums help you feel less alone.

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Lichley

Welcome! Or we’ll, welcome officially :P 

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Custard Cream

Hello! 🍰🍰🍰

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MichaelTannock

A very belated welcome to AVEN!

 

I also joined the community due to feelings of loneliness and isolation. I don't know any other Asexuals in real life.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's an Emerald Opulence Cake,

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