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Does anyone else feel this way? False romantic feelings


NoraGrace

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So i recently got the "Vibe" that this guy in a few of my classes likes me (romantically or sexually, I don't know). You know, he stares at me then when I look in his direction he looks away, nervous when he talks to me, always sits next to me when he has the chance. So I recently realized this and I really don't like realizing that someone likes me because it always looks like I reciprocate the feelings for the person, but I don't. I do not like this boy that way. 

I am very empathetic, so whenever I talk to him, I imagine what he might be feeling, and I suddenly feel that way too. I am suddenly nervous around him too, but not in a romantic way. I am simply feeling what he is feeling. I really hate this about me because it makes this certain person think that I have feelings for them too, when I don't. I feel like I am unintentionally lying to them. 

Does anyone else feel this way or have any suggestions on how to deal with it? Thanks. 

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AcornCarvings
12 hours ago, NoraGrace said:

I am very empathetic, so whenever I talk to him, I imagine what he might be feeling, and I suddenly feel that way too. I am suddenly nervous around him too, but not in a romantic way.

gosh that was how I was for so much of middle and highschool you described it perfectly. It kinda got me into some bad situations, because I was also very confused at the time, and I'm also a pushover.

I'd make sure you set clear lines if he ever does try and get together with you. Worst thing that happens, he has hurt feelings for a while. And if you are worried that you are sending mixed signals, is there some way you can get a mutual friend to tell him that you aren't into him in that way? I did that once and it worked for me.

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ExquisiteMystery

As a general answer, I think this is an extremely common problem with all empathetic people. The only fix I am aware of, is to practice saying "no", in as many ways and places as possible. When you don't feel strongly positive about an idea, say "no". Practice for a few months, until you know where your boundaries and opinions are. You'll probably have emotional leaking/contamination occasionally, but less often.

As far as the guy, it's up to you. Easiest way, would be to say something that would make you unattractive to him, as a date. It would be great to be able to say, "I'm not into dating", and be taken seriously, but it seems unlikely. Hopefully, he will still behave well, but not be thinking of you that way.

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