Calling Agender Aces!

[dprose]

Howdy! I'm writing a research paper for my Anthropology class focusing on how gender and asexuality interact, if you would answer any/all of following questions, it would be much appreciated: "How - if at all - do you feel being agender and asexual interact? Which identity was easier to come to, which is easier to "come out" as?  What are unique challenges related to being agender,  and what challenges are unique to being ace? 

Feel like I should throw it out there, gray aces are more than welcome to respond!

Thank so much!

[Totally_Neutral]

for me the interaction of being ace and agender is just neutral, they just go right along with each other. i don't really know how to explain it. and for which is easier, I'd have to say that coming out as ace was easier as apposed to coming out as agender and being misgendered all the time and feeling kinda awkward at first about correcting them. or your pronouns not being "grammatically correct", or if you still live with your parent(s) as a minor, it can be hard. whether that being hanging out with other lgbtq+, or trying to dress a certain way, such as androgynous looks. but that can be applied to more than just ace and/or agender.

struggles would be the fact that nobody believes that either identity exists. "your either boy or girl" or "late bloomer" stuff like that. it can get really annoying. And i know that everybody on here can relate to that at some point or another. Or that people don't understand when you say agender or asexual. They have usually thought it was 2 words not one, and it can be hard to explain.

 

I hope this helps, even if a little bit 😊

[Larkaloke]

I imagine that if one went to a highschool (as opposed to being homeschooled, which I was) they might have a harder time with most of this than I did. My main social interaction through my teenage years was in a theatre I was very active in, and the stereotype that theatre kids tend more towards being LGBT+ is not completely unfounded. Nobody really noticed my lack of conforming to gender there, or if they did, they certainly never said anything. Additionally, one of my moms is trans and she was very active in local LGBT+ activism when I was growing up, so I never had any sort of idea that being anything other than straight and cis was weird, which I know a lot of kids end up with. 

 

 

How - if at all - do you feel being agender and asexual interact? I don't feel that they do, or at least, not any more than other aspects of one's personality interact. I think that realizing that I was asexual (and aromantic) made it easier for me to realize that I was also agender, because once I'd realized that there were already two things that I just didn't get it was easier for me to accept that there was also a third - but that's it as far as I can tell. 

 

Which identity was easier to come to, which is easier to "come out" as? Being asexual. Much easier. I can see how it might've been more challenging if I weren't also aromantic, but as it was, it was just "yeah, still not interested in any of that stuff, still won't be", and that was about it. I'm hoping to finally come out as being agender this year, but I still haven't worked up the courage to do that to most people.

 

What are unique challenges related to being agender, and what challenges are unique to being ace? I haven't felt there are really any challenges to being ace, but that's probably due to a combination of my circumstances, the people I know, and the fact that nobody ever seemed to genuinely expect me not to be. College was a little hard with that, as that's the first place I encountered anyone with the "you don't go out with people? You haven't even kissed anyone? Weird" sort of opinion, but I've had no issues since then. I've found that people are actually more weirded out about my being aromantic than being asexual, which I don't get, but hey. 

 

Being agender, though, there's first getting it through people's heads that that's - as they say - 'A Thing' (although that can also be a problem with being ace, it just wasn't for me), and then there's getting them to accept it and use the right pronouns and all. Plus, I do have gender dysphoria about my chest, so that's something I have to manage. As far as I can tell people have a harder time adjusting to gender differences than sexuality differences. I'm also somewhat lucky in this in that I have an already gender neutral name, so while I would want to change my name if it weren't, that's a thing I don't have to worry about.

[Janus the Fox]

My Agender feels pretty interconnected with sexuality/romance.  To me, maybe because I'm Agender, means I have no sense of what homo or hetro is internally.  Because my own gender is neutral, there isn't a sense of what's male or female towards others to find that sexual or romantic attraction.  Unless there such exist an opposite of what my own gender is or finding others with the same gender to my own.

[no-longer-in-use]

Ooh, I've been summoned! Asexual agender person here.  

 

How - if at all - do you feel being agender and asexual interact?

Personally, I don't feel like they interact much. They are two separate aspects of myself, but they are both similar identities (obviously) in that they describe my lack of something that everyone else seems to experience, but I just don't.

 

Which identity was easier to come to, which is easier to "come out" as? 

If by "come to" you mean "come to the realization that that term applied to me", asexual. Figuring out my sexuality, while it was quite a process, took less time and thought than figuring out my gender. I have actually never come out to anyone as specifically agender or asexual (except online, which doesn't count), but I imagine when I do someday, that coming out as ace will probably be easier, because people are generally more understanding of unconventional sexual orientations than unconventional genders.

 

What are unique challenges related to being agender, and what challenges are unique to being ace?

For being agender: People assuming that I have a gender is one, I suppose. I find phrases like "all genders" inapplicable to myself, because I don't see agender as a gender, just a term to express my lack of one, but it doesn't bother me when people use such phrases. Also, I will never understand or relate to the concepts of "same gender attraction" and "opposite gender attraction". Still, those aren't really huge issues. I don't think there are many challenges related to being agender that don't also come from being nonbinary in general.

 

For being ace: Since I'm still a teen, I haven't come across many challenges of being ace so far. I guess the main one would be people telling me I can't possibly know I'm asexual because I'm too young. But I tend to just ignore those people. I'm sure when I'm older and start having more serious romantic relationships with people, I will encounter more challenges related to my asexuality, but for now, it's fairly smooth sailing.

[ColeHW34]

How ( if at all ) do you feel being agender and asexual interact?

To me it does not interact much  because they are separate.

 

Which identity was easier to come to, which is easier to "come out" as?  

For me coming out as asexual would be easier to my friends and family because they know that I genuinely prefer cake and science experiments over relationships or even talking about them. 

 

What are unique challenges related to being agender, and what challenges are unique to being ace?

Agender: Most people only think there is only 2 genders and try bashing you if you say otherwise.  Also it is hard to find clothes but I try to wear purple, mixed colors or grey. 

Asexual: People constantly make innuendoes or sex jokes or try bashing you saying BS like “oh your just immature” or “your find someone eventully. 

[chewbacca980]

agender has been such an interesting concept i've come across in terms of understanding this body and this brain and this heart, so forth. 

 

i agree with the neutrality element that someone above mentioned. the 100% neutral kind of thing? 

 

it's been really hard for me because i'm also a martyr of holy mother church? 

 

so i did my best to investigate other-sexuality based behaviors and came upon my own experience of hell. 

 

discovering agendered and asexual forms of being really made me feel closer to god and holy mother church and also spectrum based behaviors of being and living? not any kind of a particular spectrum but i feel that language is so inadequate for the way our emotions live in us? and i also identify with being the victim of a language sickness? and the solution to this language sickness is autism? 

 

when i came across the term greyness? it really made me feel safer and less outside of my skin? i can really live inside myself and not be ashamed or need to make excuses for myself being a certain way. 

 

this process has mostly been a process of elimination? of neither - nor(ing) certain things until i can get to the heart of grey - living? 

 

instead of painting it black? i love to paint it grey. once i've elaborated a shade of grey of things, it means i have contemplated it instead of trying to escape it or ennoble it. it has really given me a place to experience the world, even if i prefer not to. 

 

i'm so grateful we are a part of the same world and that we are not alone and not to blame for our genetic makeup and our ways of being. such a relief. 

 

love you guys, 

 

x