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Hello from a confused soul


Nodel

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Hi I’m M.

I've been bouncing between labels all my life. When I was a teenager I thought I was a lesbian because I wasn’t sexually attracted to guy. Then I though I was bi cause there were pretty people of all genders and I didn’t know that aesthetic attraction was different from sexual attraction. And then I thought I was demisexual cause I’d fallen in love once.

 

But the idea of having sex with an actual person is not appealing to me. But I do have sexual fantasies about fictional characters and situations. So I’m sure I fall under the umbrella of asexual somewhere, just not certain of exactly where that is. 

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Dreamsexual

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dino_damage

Howdy, M! Before I address your confusion, I'd like to welcome you to AVEN! As per tradition here, here's a cake for you. I hope you like pound cake:

pound-cake-horizontal-jpg-1525207952.jpg

Now, about your confusion. Asexuals can still have sexual fantasies about fictional characters and situations. A lot of asexuals do. I think it's a sort of safe space, this sort of fantasy space where you don't have to think about having sex with another person, which can be repulsive for some asexuals. (There are sex-positive asexuals, though, like myself!)

 

Still, I think it's important that you introspect and write down, perhaps in a journal, your past attractions, individually. Perhaps writing them down can allow you to look at your situation objectively. That's what I did, anyway, and I'm pretty certain that I'm asexual.

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Custard Cream

Hello and welcome - Cake?  🍰🍰🍰

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Hi nodel, welcome to aven and thanks for sharing about how your views on your dexual identity have evolved

 

While I'm here, I'd like to point out a number of useful threads and places on the AVEN. Most important is the site Terms of Service (ToS). I suggest you read them over and feel free to PM me or another mod or admin if you have any questions. Same goes for general forum questions (and you can also use this thread if you'd prefer). That said, if you have any questions about a specific forum, you should ask the moderator of that forum (you can find a list of who mods where here).

I'd also recommend poking around each forum to see what each one is about if you haven't already -- it'll get you used to the site and who the regulars are :)

 

Here's a few more Welcome-related or newbie links you might find useful:

Welcome to Aven, I hope you like it here

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10 hours ago, dino_damage said:

Still, I think it's important that you introspect and write down, perhaps in a journal, your past attractions, individually. Perhaps writing them down can allow you to look at your situation objectively. That's what I did, anyway, and I'm pretty certain that I'm asexual.

Thank you for the cake everyone!

 

I’m certain I fall somewhere under the asexual/gray/demi category. My confusion in where exactly the lines are for all of these. (And if all of those things still mean I belong under the asexual umbrella term. I read a few thing that say they don’t)

 

None of my past attractions (to real people) have ever been sexual. Until coming to Aven I didn’t even know that fictosexual was a thing. And now I’m actually more confused because I’ve been reading that fictosexuals aren’t ace. I always kind of assumed that any fantasy was just lumped in with libido and masterbation. Which doesn’t effect whether or not someone is ace. 

 

I’ve  actually been referring to myself as demi for several years now. And coming here and finding out that that may not be right is disconcerting. 

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NickyTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

You could be a Demiromantic Asexual.

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.

Fantasies don't count, so I'd say Fictosexuals fall under Asexuality more than Sexuality.
But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction.
There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Sphinx Cake,

wmmudotdm79qzy17iao5.jpg

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That cake is amazing! Thank you!

 

And yeah I feel ALL the other types of attraction which is why I think I bounced around for so long. I’ve never seen demiromantic before but that feels closer than anything else I’ve found. Thank you!

 

You guys have been really helpful and made me feel so welcome 💜🖤💟

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Welcome! Aww, am I too late to the party? But I brought this cake :P 

chocolate-chocolate+cake.jpg

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