Tato Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Hi, I'm Tato, and I've been ace my while life but only recently (past several years) realized there was a word and community for it! I always feel left out because I don't seem to fit the standard expectations on the typical queer community (at least the ones I've been in). I've had problems with labels because of the connotations, and because everything im into is seemingly contradictory. I'm a non denominational follower of Christ but I'm not judgemental or think ppl are going to hell for how they act. My faith is my pillar but I'm not conservative, which throws many people off from both sides 😕 i feel like I can't talk with anyone about it because they either don't treat their faith with any seriousness, or if they do, then they're usually super toxic people 😕 I'm non-binary, but I don't mind any pronouns. I usually like to let ppl use whatever they see/imagine me as because it says a lot about how they view me. Now when it comes to my sexuality I was hoping this community could point me in some resources for subcategories of asexuality? Cuz Id like help in explaining to others how I am: (I'm sorry if I'm going about this awkwardly forward.... x.x) I have no desire to have penetrative, or really any sort of physical relationship, at least I'm quite sure I am. I may feel more comfortable with some sort of physical interaction (still no penetrative) with someone I really trust but I'm still pretty uncomfortable with the idea. Im an artist, and I draw a ton of kink/porn which is enough to get me off? But I don't like any of it outside of fiction/art... If that makes sense. I have kinks I'm very much attracted to in art and online written roleplay, and fiction, but the very idea of any of it in real life actually squicks me out to the max. Hopefully this is something explainable?? I also feel attracted to certain types of looks, but the attraction only goes as far as aesthetics. I can feel enamored by a person's looks, yet I have absolutely no desire to DO anything physical about it? Like I don't feel sexually attracted, I don't want any physical interaction from them (which unfortunately lead to me accidentally leading people on in my past x.x) I am mostly attracted to ftm, cis men, & non binary, yet none of my relationships (friendships or the one failed date) were ever based on attraction. I DO like the idea of having a soulmate, partner, friend for life, but I really don't want attraction to be a part of it. I don't currently have a way to describe that to people. I was hoping folks here can help? I'm sorry if anything I said was awkward or too far, or offensive, please go easy on me x.x Link to post Share on other sites
AspieAlly613 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Welcome. None of what you said here is out of the ordinary for AVEN. It's customary to greet new members with 🍰 Link to post Share on other sites
i aced it Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Hi and welcome! Here's the traditional cake offering I'm a non denominational Christian as well! As far as some vocabulary goes, I believe fictoromantic/fictosexual could fit what you're describing with art. The type of relationship you would want could be QPR, or queer platonic relationship. Basically like friends, which would be platonic, but with a stronger emotional connection. I make no claims of being an expert, but I hope that helps you find what you're looking for! Link to post Share on other sites
Strifed Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Hi, welcome to AVEN! First off, your profile pic is super cute!! But I agree with @i aced it after reading both of your posts. It sounds like you want a QPR, someone to be best buds with and share life with, but without the sex (and possibly even without romance if you're aromantic). Fictosexual/romantic might also fit you if you only desire to have sex/be romantically involved with fictional characters. I'm the same in that all my life I've only been sexually attracted to male fictional characters and imagine tons of romantic scenarios with them. I also only experience aesthetic attraction to certain male celebrities and even some guys IRL, where I totally think they're cuties or hotties, but don't want a relationship/sex with them. It sounds like you may experience aesthetic attraction if that rings a bell! You did mention though that you might want sex in the future with someone you feel comfortable with. That might mean you're demisexual, someone who only develops sexual feelings after knowing someone for a while + trusting them. It may take a while to figure yourself out, but I hope that helps at least! Link to post Share on other sites
Tato Posted May 20, 2019 Author Share Posted May 20, 2019 1 hour ago, i aced it said: Hi and welcome! Here's the traditional cake offering I'm a non denominational Christian as well! As far as some vocabulary goes, I believe fictoromantic/fictosexual could fit what you're describing with art. The type of relationship you would want could be QPR, or queer platonic relationship. Basically like friends, which would be platonic, but with a stronger emotional connection. I make no claims of being an expert, but I hope that helps you find what you're looking for! Thank you so much!! I really appreciate it n.n Link to post Share on other sites
Tato Posted May 20, 2019 Author Share Posted May 20, 2019 1 hour ago, Strifed said: Hi, welcome to AVEN! First off, your profile pic is super cute!! But I agree with @i aced it after reading both of your posts. It sounds like you want a QPR, someone to be best buds with and share life with, but without the sex (and possibly even without romance if you're aromantic). Fictosexual/romantic might also fit you if you only desire to have sex/be romantically involved with fictional characters. I'm the same in that all my life I've only been sexually attracted to male fictional characters and imagine tons of romantic scenarios with them. I also only experience aesthetic attraction to certain male celebrities and even some guys IRL, where I totally think they're cuties or hotties, but don't want a relationship/sex with them. It sounds like you may experience aesthetic attraction if that rings a bell! You did mention though that you might want sex in the future with someone you feel comfortable with. That might mean you're demisexual, someone who only develops sexual feelings after knowing someone for a while + trusting them. It may take a while to figure yourself out, but I hope that helps at least! Thanks you so much! Yeah that all sounds about right! Still unsure about demisexual since i definitely don't feel a NEED to have sex, or even a desire , but may have a slim chance if the other person wants to and I really really trust them . Even still I'm unsure but I'm afraid to put any lable in stone, for fear of having to account for it later. I don't want someone to think I'm Demi, bud up a great trust relationship only for me to realize I don't want it at all... Nor do I want someone to feel like if they want someone to cuddle with that they should just avoid me all together .-. Im at least 95% sure I don't like physical interaction. Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Hi tato and welcome to Aven. I hope you find what you are looking for here While I'm here, I'd like to point out a number of useful threads and places on the AVEN. Most important is the site Terms of Service (ToS). I suggest you read them over and feel free to PM me or another mod or admin if you have any questions. Same goes for general forum questions (and you can also use this thread if you'd prefer). That said, if you have any questions about a specific forum, you should ask the moderator of that forum (you can find a list of who mods where here). I'd also recommend poking around each forum to see what each one is about if you haven't already -- it'll get you used to the site and who the regulars are Here's a few more Welcome-related or newbie links you might find useful: A brief guide to the forums Welcome Lounge mini-manual Asexuality FAQ Welcoming other members Welcome to Aven, I hope you like it here Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Welcome! 1 hour ago, Tato said: Thanks you so much! Yeah that all sounds about right! Still unsure about demisexual since i definitely don't feel a NEED to have sex, or even a desire , but may have a slim chance if the other person wants to and I really really trust them . Even still I'm unsure but I'm afraid to put any lable in stone, for fear of having to account for it later. I don't want someone to think I'm Demi, bud up a great trust relationship only for me to realize I don't want it at all... Nor do I want someone to feel like if they want someone to cuddle with that they should just avoid me all together .-. Im at least 95% sure I don't like physical interaction. If you’re not sure, stick with ace now and you can change it later if you find Demi suits you better., 3 hours ago, Tato said: I have no desire to have penetrative, or really any sort of physical relationship, at least I'm quite sure I am. I may feel more comfortable with some sort of physical interaction (still no penetrative) with someone I really trust but I'm still pretty uncomfortable with the idea. Im an artist, and I draw a ton of kink/porn which is enough to get me off? But I don't like any of it outside of fiction/art... If that makes sense. I have kinks I'm very much attracted to in art and online written roleplay, and fiction, but the very idea of any of it in real life actually squicks me out to the max. Hopefully this is something explainable?? I also feel attracted to certain types of looks, but the attraction only goes as far as aesthetics. I can feel enamored by a person's looks, yet I have absolutely no desire to DO anything physical about it? Like I don't feel sexually attracted, I don't want any physical interaction from them (which unfortunately lead to me accidentally leading people on in my past x.x) Well, it sounds like you’re sex-adverse or sex-neutral in terms of physical relationships. Kinks are still possible for aces, especially ficto-based ones. Aces can still have a libido, so its not gonna immediately devalue your identity, it just means you have an outlet for all of the hormones and stuff. Aesthetic attraction seems to be what you’re describing. I’ll leave a link to a sketch comic on the types of attraction below. https://www.deviantart.com/secondlina/art/Sketchcomic-types-of-Attraction-298804729 Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted May 21, 2019 Share Posted May 21, 2019 A belated welcome to AVEN! In my case, I'm an Atheist, but my family are Catholic and religious and conservative to the point of scoffing at the LGBT+ community. I'm also an artist, both 2D and 3D digital, and I create games. You can find a lexicon here: https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123256-asexuality-sexual-orientation-lexicon-read-me/ But essentially, Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone. Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal. But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction. There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone. There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling. There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty. There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone. And more. The A- prefix is added to these to indicate an absence of them. The Hetero- prefix is added to them to indicate the attraction is towards the opposite gender. The Homo- prefix is added to them to indicate the attraction is towards the same gender. The Bi- prefix is added to them to indicate the attraction is towards two genders. The Pan- prefix is added to them to indicate the attraction is towards any genders. The Demi- prefix can be added to any of the other prefixes except the A- prefix, to indicate the attraction is felt only after forming a close emotional bond. The Apres- prefix can be added to any of the other prefixes except the A- prefix, to indicate the attraction is felt only after another form of attraction is felt. The Akoi- prefix can be added to any of the other prefixes except the A- prefix, to indicate the attraction is felt only when it is not reciprocated. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a D-day Spitfire Cake, Link to post Share on other sites
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