Amaretti Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 I've been in a relationship with an allo for over a year now and we're getting ready to have me move in with him and his family while we finish college. While cleaning some things today I found a really old.. not porno mag but a magazine of similar purpose, in one of his bedside drawers. I'm not against porn but idk it makes me a bit uncomfortable that he has this when we're in a relationship in which I have been very sex-positive. He told me he didn't realize he still had it and I do believe him but would I be out-of-line telling him that I'd rather he not have stuff like that while we are in a relationship? I don't really know how this stuff works. Link to post Share on other sites
AspieAlly613 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 Romance means different things to different people. Different couples have different expectations about these sorts of things. If it bothers you, let him know. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 I don't feel this sort of thing is worth bringing up unless it becomes a recurring issue. (Pun maybe intended.) Personally speaking (assuming that I were in this guy's shoes and I honestly did forget about such a magazine being there), it would just come off as unnecessarily lecture-y. Few people want to be told off for things they did years ago that they had long since forgotten about. Link to post Share on other sites
AcornCarvings Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 ditto with what AspieAlly613 said, this stuff works differently for every relationship. It's totally ok to have feelings about this, just make sure you communicate openly and don't assume all too much into what he is feeling or why he is doing things. idk if this is helpful at all but personally, porn and masturbation/self-sex has no relation to attraction for me, nor to my romantic relationships. It's a totally separate thing. Me and my girlfriend(ish person) have always been pretty clear too that we want to give each other a lot of freedom in lots of parts of our lives including this, so it's never been a problem for me. Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 5 hours ago, CBC said: He's under no obligation to give up things like that though Can't this be said about nearly anything someone does, that a partner dislikes? Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 I agree with what others have said. It boils down to if it bothers you, talk to him about it. Communication is very important in any relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
LayneR Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Your game, your rules. You have a right to live your life the way you want it lived insofar as you don't harm anyone else. Seek a relationship with the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with. If someone doesn't fit that, you have two options: leave or compromise. Compromise isn't always bad, as by giving up on one preference we can possibly gain greater happiness. That said, you can always leave the relationship. A lot of people are afraid to do that, but there's no shame in it if it isn't what you want. That's okay. there are over seven billion people in the world and a limited number of personality traits. While you'll never find the exact same person again, there are plenty of very similar people. But maybe you can get him to compromise as well, and give up that kind of thing. Ultimately, the only thing for it is to have an honest heart-to-heart with him so that each of you knows exactly where the other is coming from. Then you can analyze the situation and make your decision. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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