Jump to content

Asexual but has a fetish?


frustratedconfusedace

Recommended Posts

frustratedconfusedace

Hi,

I have identified as asexual for a few years; I am male. I was never interested in women growing or really men either. I never had the urge to look at porn. But I always did get a bit excited about a certain kind of men's undergarment. I think I have an idea as to psychologically why this is so. This is an utter oversimplification, but I associated this undergarment with being part of the cool kids, of which I was never a part (I have tremendous social anxiety still), and for some reason I grew to think of wearing this undergarment as something thrilling/naughty. Over the years I would occasionally buy myself a pair and wear it and just feel tingly and nervous in an aroused way, but it did not register that this was what sexual arousal felt like, until I was 17 and in the course of wearing this undergarment I climaxed (though I did not realize at first what this even was) and ever since then every now and then I buy the undergarment, masturbate in it and then throw it out as I am disgusted with myself. Almost all of my wet dreams involve this undergarment but do not involve any homosexual acts, which is why I question whether this fetish is really the manifestation of a latent homosexual urge. I think that it is a true fetish in the sense that this is what turns me on, but more complicated still is that I find my masturbating morally wrong and am disgusted afterward. So I don't do it that often. I am a virgin, and this is pretty much the only sexual act I have engaged in. Can anyone else identify with this pattern - only getting sexually aroused by a fetish, all sexual fantasies, even subconscious, involving this fetish? 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
OracularDream

I think there is this belief that asexuals cannot experience sexual desire/fantasies which is not true. Asexuals also have libidos like other sexualities they just don't experience sexual attraction.

 

I don't have a fetish like you but I know that there are quite a few asexuals in the kink community. My most recent partner has introduced Shabari to me so maybe I'll like that? We'll see!

 

Anyway I don't think that what your going through is abnormal at all.

Link to post
Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts

Arousal =/= Sexual attraction

Arousal is a physical/mental response to sexual stimulation

Sexual attraction is a desire towards somebody to have sex with them

 

Verdict: You can be asexual and have a fetish as long as the fetish doesn’t require you to have sex

Link to post
Share on other sites
Dreamfield
On 5/19/2019 at 5:37 AM, frustratedconfusedace said:

Can anyone else identify with this pattern - only getting sexually aroused by a fetish, all sexual fantasies, even subconscious, involving this fetish? 

Same here, although with a very different fetish.

I never fantasized and I was never sexually attracted/aroused by naked bodies, sex scenes or thoughts about it. On the other hand, I do have kink(s)/fetish(es), which attract and arouse me, but they have nothing to do with sexual activities with other people.

Purely intuitively, I would expect that aces with a healthy libido might have a higher occurrence of fetishes than allosexual people.

 

On 5/19/2019 at 4:05 PM, Star Lion said:

Arousal =/= Sexual attraction

Arousal is a physical/mental response to sexual stimulation 

Sexual attraction is a desire towards somebody to have sex with them

That's strange for me, because I don't get aroused by typical sexual stimulation, but only by my fetish stuff.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Comrade F&F
On 5/18/2019 at 8:50 PM, OracularDream said:

I think there is this belief that asexuals cannot experience sexual desire/fantasies which is not true. Asexuals also have libidos like other sexualities they just don't experience sexual attraction.

 

I don't have a fetish like you but I know that there are quite a few asexuals in the kink community. My most recent partner has introduced Shabari to me so maybe I'll like that? We'll see!

 

Anyway I don't think that what your going through is abnormal at all.

What is Shabari? I'm a little cautious to google it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Dreamfield
13 minutes ago, Feys&Florets said:

What is Shabari? I'm a little cautious to google it.

Shibari is Japanese rope bondage, which is also often artistic. If you google it, you might find NSFW photos, but also very artistic ones, and many of them will be both.

Link to post
Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts
3 hours ago, Dreamfield said:

That's strange for me, because I don't get aroused by typical sexual stimulation, but only by my fetish stuff.

Some people in the ace community very rarely get aroused if any times at all. Everyone’s different and the fetishes just happen to be your only turn ons

Link to post
Share on other sites
NickyTannock

@frustratedconfusedace I don't have any fetishes, but I'd say it is possible for an Asexual to have fetishes since Asexuality is not a lack of libido but a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...