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Mori23

Am I feeling sexual attraction or not??

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Mori23

Hi, I haven’t posted anything before but this has been driving me crazy and I don’t know where else to post about this. It was about a year ago I finally discovered asexuality and thought I identified with it, but now I’m not so sure. There’s this guy I started talking to around the beginning of this year and we’ve been talking a lot over the past few months. At first I thought I had a general crush on him but then got over thought (or so I thought) but lately, I’ve been feeling a similar stressed feeling I often get around crushes. And even worse and a new development that hasn’t happened with past crushes- sometimes I get aroused. We got into the habit of cuddling a lot and it’s been nice but the physical reaction happens so often and it doesn’t happen with the other friends I’ve cuddled with a lot. And sometimes it’s just when he looks at me a certain way. But in my head I can’t imagine having sex with him, I don’t want to on any level with anyone. It just seems pointless, uninteresting and kinda gross what with the genitals and body fluids I’d rather not think about. so I’m really confused. Even with the cuddling I’ve never felt the need to touch him much, like it’s just certain spots like I love hand holding and such. But I don’t know what it is I’m feeling?

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Dreamsexual

Hello Mori23 :) 

I'm not sure I can answer your question, but I suspect there's many wiser heads around here who can, or at least provide insights and options.

 

I hope you find what you need here.

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Iam9man
25 minutes ago, Mori23 said:

Hi, I haven’t posted anything before but this has been driving me crazy and I don’t know where else to post about this. It was about a year ago I finally discovered asexuality and thought I identified with it, but now I’m not so sure. There’s this guy I started talking to around the beginning of this year and we’ve been talking a lot over the past few months. At first I thought I had a general crush on him but then got over thought (or so I thought) but lately, I’ve been feeling a similar stressed feeling I often get around crushes. And even worse and a new development that hasn’t happened with past crushes- sometimes I get aroused. We got into the habit of cuddling a lot and it’s been nice but the physical reaction happens so often and it doesn’t happen with the other friends I’ve cuddled with a lot. And sometimes it’s just when he looks at me a certain way. But in my head I can’t imagine having sex with him, I don’t want to on any level with anyone. It just seems pointless, uninteresting and kinda gross what with the genitals and body fluids I’d rather not think about. so I’m really confused. Even with the cuddling I’ve never felt the need to touch him much, like it’s just certain spots like I love hand holding and such. But I don’t know what it is I’m feeling?

I can relate to this. In my case I’ve ascribed this to aesthetic, romantic and (in the case of loving cuddling & hand holding) sensual attraction. I can get aroused from these forms of attraction (especially sensual) but I have no need to do anything about it. In my case it’s like I’m missing the link non-asexuals have; e.g. sensual attraction to arousal to sexual attraction; I don’t have that last link and don’t experience sexual attraction.

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The cake is not a lie

From what I've heard you can be aroused without any sexual attraction even with allosexuals.  

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cigarettesatmidnight

I also think arousal is not a very reliable indicative of sexual atraction, there's women feeling arousal when breastfedding and men having erections while exercising.

But then, I don't get this whole thing of sexual atraction and how it works 😂

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Nowhere Girl

You may find the issue of potentially conflicting definitions of asexuality interesting. For a start, here's a link to my poll on this topic, but I have also mentioned it elsewhere.

There is more than one definition of asexuality. Because many people find the whole idea of "sexual attraction" confusing, and/or believe that an inner preference for no sexual activity is more meaningful as the criterion which distinguishes asexuals from others, alternative definitions of asexuality have been created. Asexuality as "not experiencing desire for partnered sex" is the most popular of these definitions.

Most users seem to disagree about these definitions coming into conflict. They usually write that "if it doesn't lead to desiring sex, it's not sexual attraction" or that "the kind of sexual attraction which matters with regard to determining sexual orientation is with whom one wants to have sex" (with a possible answer, the one which hints to asexuality, being "nobody"). Perhaps... I don't even think that there has to be an "objective answer", debating and, in principle, practicing a form of philosophy of sexuality, is a good thing in itself.

I would personally say that I'm able to feel a form of sexual attraction, but it still never leads to a desire for sex. This is something I simply cannot feel - I'm definitely sex-averse, first of all intensely afraid of having sex and of all the "envelope" (such as nudity) which comes with it. I cannot desire something which elicits such a negative response for me. But I have a libido, I have a tendency for erotic fantasies in third person, and it satisfies my attraction "vicariously", without the distress involved in trying to imagine myself in such a situation. So, as for yourself: in my opinion if you don't want to have sex, it's enough to "qualify" as asexual. If the whole concept of "sexual attraction" feels confusing to you, don't be embarassed of admitting it. A lot of people find it confusing too and here I find the predominant intuition of forum users very helpful: if you need to wonder what is this sexual attraction and whether you experience it, the odds are that you don't.

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MichaelTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I don't think so.

I define Sexual Attraction as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.

Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Puppy On A Pillow Cake,

r5u3nvg1dypuzyhdju0a.jpg

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