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A. Sterling

Sibling Insanities and Confusion (Coming Out?)

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A. Sterling

(Not entirely sure this is the right place for this but I took my best guess.)

 

Okay, so I've been home from college for a few weeks, which means more interaction with my family, particularly my brother. I've been trying to understand his world views. That's mostly me trying to figure out where he stands on LGBTQA+ things to see if it's safe to come out, ya know. I bit before school got out I did sorta come out, I told him I wasn't romantically (not meaning romantic only, but you know) interested in anyone and that I didn't fit the mold for people's general expectations when it comes to dating and partnership. He first asked if I had been raped. (I haven't) An interesting response that I actually wasn't expecting, although I suppose I should have. Then he said that it was just weird, kinda unnatural, and was not particularly bad about it or anything.

 

But the more I've been around him the more I've learned and what I have discovered is kinda scary. First of all (something I already knew), he is not at all okay with trans people, which is kinda unfortunate because I am 100% done with gender in general, which makes me at least not gender binary by most standards but because I think the entire concept is ridiculous and I don't really behave in a way that works with either particular gender very well, I just don't bother with it. But I can't say that because my little brother legitimately thinks that being trans is a mental illness and I've tried to explain it to him but he won't let go of the idea no matter what. I baffles me the way he believes all the things he does. 

 

So, I asked him what he thought about gay people and he said that he was "fine with them as long as they didn't bother [him]". (Of course, he might think I'm gay, so maybe that's why?) But then I asked why they are okay and trans people are "mentally ill" and he sat there and thought about it, like thought hard, which is what makes this so sad, and then goes "well maybe that's a mental illness too." 

 

I moved into women's rights, because this gets even more on my nerves just because you'd think he could at least figure this out. But he claims that equality is entirely impossible because men will always be biologically "different" (he pretty much means superior) no matter what. And he said something about people going against nature (I think in reference to the LGBT+ stuff) because they are not contributing to the natural processes of reproduction. SO, this concerned me because if he thinks people must contribute to reproduction to be proper, useful, right, or whatever, then I'm done for. So then does he think that people who don't want children are somehow amoral or something? I don't know. It's weird though because he isn't religious. He just keeps going on about what "contributes to society" and if you aren't being "beneficial to society" then you might as well be dead. I actually asked him about suicide and he apparently thinks that if you aren't contributing to society (I assume that means working or something) then it is okay to kill yourself. 

 

I don't know how to fix him. 😫 I'm not sure where he picked all this up (probably my dad) but considering he is all about getting buff and working out and will use whatever power he can over me to make himself feel good when he can (because he's not very bright, intellectually, and I'm very good at school and such which makes him feel inadequate or something) I'm thinkin' I better keep my business to myself. But, that makes me feel very isolated in this house and I don't have any friends at home to hang out with and be myself around so I'm just getting worn down and guess I needed to rant about it and share my sufferings. I swear I thought this was going somewhere. 

 

Oh yeah, I've just been trying to work out how he believes all these things that he does, like he's not a complete invalid, his brain does work (I think) and he's at least willing to feign listening, at least. But it's just very psychologically and socially interesting to me because these beliefs are not based off of any religion or "moral" teaching or whatever, he just came up with this stuff somehow, (picked it up), for some reason. 

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K.I.N.G
4 minutes ago, A. Sterling said:

So, I asked him what he thought about gay people and he said that he was "fine with them as long as they didn't bother [him]". (Of course, he might think I'm gay, so maybe that's why?)

Bloody hell near the exact same thing happened with my step-brother - watching a film, someone casually joked saying a friend was gay and my brother just burst out that he hated gays - I started at him and he quickly back peddled saying he was fine if it was between women. 

 

14 minutes ago, A. Sterling said:

don't know how to fix him. 😫 I'm not sure where he picked all this up (probably my dad) but considering he is all about getting buff and working out and will use whatever power he can over me to make himself feel good when he can (because he's not very bright, intellectually, and I'm very good at school and such which makes him feel inadequate or something) I'm thinkin' I better keep my business to myself. But, that makes me feel very isolated in this house and I don't have any friends at home to hang out with and be myself around so I'm just getting worn down and guess I needed to rant about it and share my sufferings. I swear I thought this was going somewhere

I fear my younger brother will end up like yours - he’s already starting to. He’s 12 and I’ve tried multiple times to explaining stuff to him but it’s just nothing he takes on and my father doesn’t help but he’s taken it more extreme then that. 

 

Also can again relate - living at home with them is near suffocating and as said isolating -  honestly drives me mad ~sometimes~ a lot of the time, especially with not being able to come out.

 

I really don’t know how to help with your situation except that time passes quickly. Good luck.

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chairdesklamp

@A. Sterling @K.I.N.G

 

Will this comedy piece about queerphobes make you two feel any better?

 

 

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KrystalLost

Best thing you can let him do is grow up. Our perspective changes as we grow and it is likely he will meet new people. He will also most likely learn that beliefs that suppress innocent people don't fair well in society. So by his own terms and not letting society change and grow, he is making himself useless to said society. He'll be fine, don't worry so much.

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