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rosies_

Am I lithromantic?

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rosies_

So I came across the term "lithromantic" a couple of months ago and it's stuck with me since. I've been in such a confused state the past couple of years I don't even know where to begin. In theory, yes I would love to have a relationship. The idea of kissing, cuddling, etc is appealing in my head and I do crush easy. However, whenever I feel like things are going somewhere with a boy I'm crushing on, my head just instantly flips a switch and I feel utterly disgusted and even annoyed at the guy. The only relationships I've ever been in were in elementary and middle school. Even those relationships lasted less than a week (one relationship lasted a day) because I suddenly felt annoyed with the whole idea of dating, despite how long I had a crush on the person. In high school, I've had a couple of instances in which the guy I'm crushing on will either reciprocate feelings or I know that they like me and I end up completely cutting them off. I've been called a bitch on numerous occasions and have lost some solid friendships because I do this. I don't mean to do it on purpose, but they just get so annoying to me and I don't know why. Now I'm talking to a guy that I think I like and he's honestly a really good guy. We've gotten really close this year, but I'm starting to feel like I'm about to get "annoyed" with him soon and I don't want to hurt him like that. It's so frustrating wanting to be in a relationship with someone you like but your brain keeps trying to ruin it. I've never been in a REAL relationship because I end them before anything ever happens. So personally, I can't tell whether I'm genuinely lithromantic or maybe I just have a poor image of myself (or possibly these two intertwine). I can't help getting crushes and wanting to be close with someone, but I also don't want to lead them on. I still desire the idea of a relationship but I'm closed off and can't tell if it's because I'm scared of letting people know the good and the ugly side of me or I actually have a distaste for a real relationship. Any advice works, or if you want to share your own experiences that would also be appreciative! : )

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aquariusabandoned

I feel lith/akoiromantic really describes the situation, as lithromantic describes someone who would feel romantic attraction until it is reciprocated.

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AirPower

You seem to fit the definition of lithromantic exactly. I do too, I basically have the same experiences as you. But I, presonally, don't like to use the word lithromantic as something constant that you can't change. I use it to connect to people like you, to find a community of individuals who feel like me and understand me. Apart from that, I want to believe that with time (and maybe professional help) I can change the way I react to reciprocation and eventually be in a happy, loving relationship.

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Lala_lolo

Omg! Can't believe its actually "a thing" because this is SO ME. I feel feelings for guys much much much stronger when they're taken or I know they're not into me. But when they start liking me back I'm like "uhhhh... no thanks". I'm wondering however if this really is a romantic orientation or something due to childhood trauma or something like that? Because I was bullied by the boys I had crushes on from an early age so I kinda think that made me develop a deep rooted thing to not like the ones who like me back... idk maybe... 

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rosies_
On 6/18/2019 at 9:06 AM, Lala_lolo said:

Omg! Can't believe its actually "a thing" because this is SO ME. I feel feelings for guys much much much stronger when they're taken or I know they're not into me. But when they start liking me back I'm like "uhhhh... no thanks". I'm wondering however if this really is a romantic orientation or something due to childhood trauma or something like that? Because I was bullied by the boys I had crushes on from an early age so I kinda think that made me develop a deep rooted thing to not like the ones who like me back... idk maybe... 

Yes exactly! I can't recall anything traumatic in my childhood, but I feel like it roots from self-esteem issues which is why we tend to push people away because it's more of like asking "WHy do you like me?"  But that's just my personal theory. 

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Madao

You sound lithoromantic to me. I haven't really experienced crushes on any one, but I have crushes on people who are unattainable, like celebrities or fictional characters. I want people to be interested in me, but the moment they get interested, I push them away and get scared. Maybe lithoromanticism stems from a fear of intimacy? I do feel my personal experiences might have contributed to this. 

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Just Somebody

Maybe you could be frayromantic too if you only fall for people you don't really know well.

 

 

But lith/akoi (ne) romantic sounds more likely, I'm also one, for me it feels like falling for the "idea of having a relationship with the idealized version of someone" I have in my imagination, however , when I get in a relationship with a person, it's not like what I imagined and I get frustrated and my feelings are gone.

 

It's like do ever knew the feeling of desiring a product but then when you finally have the product you end up not liking it bc it's not  like what you imagined it to be?

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oQyFFTh_YGc

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mcSA-JeQqAA

 

 

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2B_JB

Oh gosh I just found out about lith- and frayromantic two days ago but since then everything makes so much sens. I always thought I'm just a bad person because I leed people on to like me because I really thought I liked them and I wanted a relationship, but a couple days after the relationship was real they got very annoying and I didn't wanted to be associated with them anymore. I still don't like it but I finally feel like it's not just me but other people experiencing somewhat the same. Pretty sure it has some psychological background as well... 

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DoubleATripleA
On 5/16/2019 at 3:13 AM, rosies_ said:

So I came across the term "lithromantic" a couple of months ago and it's stuck with me since. I've been in such a confused state the past couple of years I don't even know where to begin. In theory, yes I would love to have a relationship. The idea of kissing, cuddling, etc is appealing in my head and I do crush easy. However, whenever I feel like things are going somewhere with a boy I'm crushing on, my head just instantly flips a switch and I feel utterly disgusted and even annoyed at the guy. The only relationships I've ever been in were in elementary and middle school. Even those relationships lasted less than a week (one relationship lasted a day) because I suddenly felt annoyed with the whole idea of dating, despite how long I had a crush on the person. In high school, I've had a couple of instances in which the guy I'm crushing on will either reciprocate feelings or I know that they like me and I end up completely cutting them off. I've been called a bitch on numerous occasions and have lost some solid friendships because I do this. I don't mean to do it on purpose, but they just get so annoying to me and I don't know why. Now I'm talking to a guy that I think I like and he's honestly a really good guy. We've gotten really close this year, but I'm starting to feel like I'm about to get "annoyed" with him soon and I don't want to hurt him like that. It's so frustrating wanting to be in a relationship with someone you like but your brain keeps trying to ruin it. I've never been in a REAL relationship because I end them before anything ever happens. So personally, I can't tell whether I'm genuinely lithromantic or maybe I just have a poor image of myself (or possibly these two intertwine). I can't help getting crushes and wanting to be close with someone, but I also don't want to lead them on. I still desire the idea of a relationship but I'm closed off and can't tell if it's because I'm scared of letting people know the good and the ugly side of me or I actually have a distaste for a real relationship. Any advice works, or if you want to share your own experiences that would also be appreciative! : )

Whilst I'm not sure if lithromantic applies to me, I do think you fit the definition of the word quite well. I do believe that those who are lithromantic are either Aro and are confusing their attractions or that they are alloromantic, but have some commitment issues (which many people do have). 

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DoubleATripleA
On 10/2/2019 at 2:08 PM, 2B_JB said:

Oh gosh I just found out about lith- and frayromantic two days ago but since then everything makes so much sens. I always thought I'm just a bad person because I leed people on to like me because I really thought I liked them and I wanted a relationship, but a couple days after the relationship was real they got very annoying and I didn't wanted to be associated with them anymore. I still don't like it but I finally feel like it's not just me but other people experiencing somewhat the same. Pretty sure it has some psychological background as well... 

All the 'crushes' I've had fade so quickly, like if I find out the girl is straight or taken I don't get that upset, I'm just like "eh, oh well" and get over it, and then I usually just want to be friends with them, and am completely happy with that, I am the same with sexual attraction in a way as well, even if I would still 100% have sex with them if they asked me (I think this is different to having sexual attraction, like I can just be attracted to a woman's aesthetic/appearance or be good friends with a girl to agree to have sex with her). So maybe fray can describe me a little bit, but idk.

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Celyn

This thread is so, if not reassuring to me, at least it feels good to hear that my feelings/experiences are shared by others.

Reading the definition of lithromantic, I felt confused by the "don't want it reciprocated" because I absolutely DO want it reciprocated....in the hypothetical daydream world. But I'll back out of anything romantic because of various past....bad experiences, I hesitate to say trauma.

So I thought "Well I'm not quite lithromantic, I'm just broken."

 

I don't know what to do about it because it feels like the side of me that wants a relationship, and the side of me that wants no human contact and ten dogs, are constantly fighting. 

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Internetlionboy

While lithromantic doesn't fit me as I don't feel romantic attraction at all, you definitely sound like lithro so feel free to use it if that makes you happy!

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