Are non-aces uncomfortable with the term "allosexual"?"

[Kimmie.]

The only opinions that matters in this is the sexuals , because it is a word that describe them so they should have the first and last word.

[Sally]

12 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

The only opinions that matters in this is the sexuals , because it is a word that describe them so they should have the first and last word.

Yes.  This wording has been discussed a lot on AVEN, and I've never seen a sexual say that they'd rather be called "allosexual."   Language should evolve naturally, not because someone decides that it would be nice to use a new word they've invented rather than a perfectly serviceable word that everyone understands.  

[Nirnroot]

Generally, most allosexuals have not heard of the term. 

But I'll tell you this, most people who do know what it means don't think of it that way. It just means non-asexuals.

And as an alloromantic, I don't have a problem with the term alloromantic. 

I think maybe that individual was one of those easily-upset folks. An outlier. The term allo is not offensive, generally.

[everywhere and nowhere]

Anyway, when consdering whether I might be an extreme case of sex-averse allosexual... sorry, I just can't apply the word "sexual" to myself. It feels wrong. I may be allosexual - in the meaning of "experiencing a form of (desireless) sexual attraction", but I'm not sexual. I don't and won't have sex. I know that "having sex" is not what "sexual" means, but trying to apply the word "sexual" to myself makes me stumble on a huge psychological blockade. I have sexual feelings, but I just couldn't be sexually active and that's where this inner blockade is.

[Rama]

I don't think it's a very useful term. The only times I've ever needed to refer to non-asexual people have been in the context of explaining asexuality to those unfamiliar with it. I find that in the context of such conversations it's intuitive to just say "sexual". I believe "allosexual" is just unnecessary jargon.

Edit: Additionally, I only really see aces using the word, who I would expect to know what I mean if I say "sexual". So I don't even think it's a useful term among aces.

[NickyTannock]

@disGraceful @Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) @CBC

 

I've edited the poll to include options for you to vote.

[Homer]

I'd be surprised to find that "allosexual" is a significant term outside AVEN (or Dumblr).

 

Can't answer the poll as there's no IDGAF option on Q2.

[Ms. Carolynne]

I find it to be unnecessary and counter-intuitive. I think given context most people will know what one means by "sexual".

 

There's really no need for this term, the prefix "allo" doesn't change the intended meaning in any useful way, and is confusing. I'd assume most people would probably think it's some made up Tumblr / troll identity before thinking it applied to 99 % of the population in the way that it's intended to be used.

[Sea Lemon]

I'm a romantic bisexual, and I absolutely hate the word. I wouldn't say it's a slur, but the way I've seen it used, it's developed this kind of condescending undertone that really doesn't sit well with me. Personally, I prefer either non-ace or just plain bi. 

 

Also, I third that that is an incredibly sexy allosaurus...

 

[SW1804]

I agree. I use 'sexual' when referring to my soon to be ex husband, mostly because I had never heard of allo before I came here. Now I have, I don't see the point of it. 

[Philip027]

9 hours ago, CBC said:

On AVEN it is the norm though, and that's precisely why I use it. We (sexual people) are the minority here. I say "non-ace" or "non-asexual" all the time to make it clear that I'm not part of the majority orientation on AVEN.

That's fair in an AVEN context, yeah.  I was speaking more in general terms

[MollyDMA]

allosexual is just a label but isn't derogatory in my point of view. It usually only derogatory if the other person usually feels insecure about the aspect of their life or feel that there are those that are out to get them.

That is just from my experience when talking to people

[Grimalkin]

I think the term "allosexual" caught on here because on AVEN we're not in the minority for once. In real life, you're just... sexual until proven not. Everyone around you is sexual. It's the default. 

 

On AVEN, suddenly we're the default. And that makes it weird, because we have some convenient labels for ourselves ("asexual"), for gay people (homosexual), for straight people (you get the gist), etc., and it helped to have a convenient term to encompass those people who do experience sexual attraction in some way, so that we could easily differentiate when discussing life. Honestly, I would be happy with any easy word to encompass people who experience sexual attraction. And... if that's "sexual," I guess that's okay. I just find it oddly discomforting, because if I were talking about a family member, etc., I don't like to use it in the same was as I do the "asexual" label. For example:

 

"My sister is asexual," and, "My sister is heterosexual," do not sound the same as,

 

"My sister is sexual."

 

...because of the way "sexual" is used in the English language.

 

I honestly don't care what word we come up with for those who do experience sexual attraction. Call 'em "normsexual" if you want (I kid, I kid. Kinda).  I just think an all-encompassing term would be awfully handy to have. 

 

Now, I'm happy to stop using "allosexual" if it bothers people. Really! It had never occurred to me that it was a problem, because of how useful it is. But maybe we should invent a better word, something that people are more okay with. 

[iff]

12 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

The only opinions that matters in this is the sexuals , because it is a word that describe them so they should have the first and last word.

^this for me.

 

I do like the word, allosexual, but because it makes me think of the band Allo Darlin' and I don't think of them enough.

[Aimeendfire]

4 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

I But maybe we should invent a better word, something that people are more okay with. 

There’s already a word...sexual.

I get that people tend to use sexual as a way to define someone who is overly sexual or sensual but I’ve never associated it with that on here.

It’s  always just a way to describe someone who is not asexual . 

[Tainted]

I think allosexual sounds awesome so I elect it be retired...

 

Because I can't use it for myself >_>

[Scott1989]

 

On 5/8/2019 at 2:16 AM, disGraceful said:

I don’t think it’s a slur, I just absolutely hate everything about the word. I’m sexual. It’s an uncomplicated term. Everyone knows what you mean. No explanation required. No ridiculous and superfluous prefix. If you’d like to be more specific, tack on hetero/homo/bi/pan, etc. I’m not sexually attracted to “allo.” (It means “other”??? How is that even helpful?!)

 

It really pisses me off that the asexual community has slapped a label on the entire sexual community and refuses to drop it despite very little acceptance of the term from those it’s applied to...

 

EDIT: I also can’t answer the poll because 1. I don’t think it’s a slur, but I definitely disagree with its usage. 2. I’m a romantic sexual which is not an option given.

As an ace aro, cause of the bold I also dislike it (for diffetent reasons quoted above). To me us saying effectivly "othersexuals" makes it look like we are saying sexuals are weird. Not surenif Zedsexual is better so I stick to just "sexuals" for non aces.

[Guest]

On 5/8/2019 at 8:34 PM, Nowhere Girl said:

Anyway, when consdering whether I might be an extreme case of sex-averse allosexual... sorry, I just can't apply the word "sexual" to myself. It feels wrong. I may be allosexual - in the meaning of "experiencing a form of (desireless) sexual attraction", but I'm not sexual. I don't and won't have sex. I know that "having sex" is not what "sexual" means, but trying to apply the word "sexual" to myself makes me stumble on a huge psychological blockade. I have sexual feelings, but I just couldn't be sexually active and that's where this inner blockade is.

It's funny because you and I are SORT OF in the same boat, I'm not sex averse or anything I just don't want it physically, but I also know I'm not ace.  I'm not hetero, homo, bi (none of those explain my 'orientation' accurately) but I just know I'm not ace. Allosexual however would imply that I have regular sexual desires aimed at other people and that makes me personally very uncomfortable. So we are kind of saying the same thing, but for you the word 'sexual' makes me feel the same way 'allosexual' makes you feel. Non-asexual probably works better for people like us, but for the average sexual person I can see why they definitely prefer 'sexual' (which just implies they're not ace) to 'allosexual' which seems to imply all kinds of odd things about their sexuality!!

 

On 5/9/2019 at 4:43 AM, Grimalkin said:

...because of the way "sexual" is used in the English language.

I don't think it's used in a bad way, it just describes stuff to do with sex. So like 'sexual education' 'sexual pleasure' etc. If we were to say someone wants sex all the time or something, we'd say 'hypersexual' or 'nympho'. But the term is only relevant on AVEN anyway, because outside of AVEN you'd just say 'my sister is heterosexual' or 'hetero'..if it ever came up at all lol.  I think people would give you weird looks if you were going around saying 'my sister is an allo' then you'd have to explain that you mean (hetero/homo/bi/pan sexual person) anyway. So as it's only relevant on AVEN, I think sexual is fine to define a non-asexual person because everyone knows what you mean.. either that or 'non-asexual' if sexual makes you too uncomfortable. Or if you were talking about your sister on AVEN you could just say 'my heterosexual sister'.

[Joe the Stoic]

I never thought the term was any good.  Just say "sexual."  It's like saying "Latinx" when you could just say "Latin."

[Yoruka]

I have a pansexual sister who finds the term 'allo' or 'zed' alright when we're discussing sexualities so I say no.

[anisotrophic]

I find allo- nice for reasons given by a couple others, including @Grimalkin. Especially when talking to sometime outside AVEN about my relationship, using the word "sexual" adds a unintended tone that makes it more uncomfortable than I think it should be, when all I'm trying to do is reference "not asexual" and not all the other (more typical) meanings of the word "sexual".

 

It's a new word, but using the old one does have downsides. I don't hate either. Also alligators, rawr 🐊

 

(And in an "I am Spartacus" dramatic style) ... I am allosexual

[Dreamsexual]

.

[iff]

@GentlemanCambrioleur

 

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