Are non-aces uncomfortable with the term "allosexual"?"

[GentlemanCambrioleur]

I saw another member of the LGBTQIAP+ community express discomfort with the allosexual label, claiming it felt like it labeled the rest of the community as "sex-obsessed freaks"

However, I feel like it is just a term like cisgender. I don't think it's meant to be inherently derogatory. 

 

Though the person's issue is founded in genuine concern, since non-straight sexual attraction is stigmatized in the eyes of society. This is why I am uncertain as to what opinion I have on the matter.

 

Thoughts from aces and non-aces on AVEN?

[NickyTannock]

I've moved this thread from 'Questions about Asexuality' to 'Census Forum'.
 
Michael Tannock,
Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator.

[NickyTannock]

Funnily enough, my Sexual friends had told me that they dislike the word Allosexual, so I'd made a thread about it here on AVEN, complete with a poll.

You can find it here: https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/170720-sexual-vs-allosexual/

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I don't think it's a slur, but most sexuals prefer, well, "sexual". So yeah, use that. It describes them perfectly well and is easy to understand without needing a PHD in LGBTQA-ese.

[Grimalkin]

3 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I don't think it's a slur, but most sexuals prefer, well, "sexual". So yeah, use that. It describes them perfectly well and is easy to understand without needing a PHD in LGBTQA-ese.

That's funny, I would assume just using "sexual" would sound more "sex-obsessed freak" (as per above) than allosexual would. "Sexual people" "my sexual husband" "I believe my sister is sexual", etc. sounds awkward to my mind because it has a more straight-up, well, sexual connotation. 

 

Kind of like how "they/them" as pronouns is just kind of awkward, thanks to the English language not having a good gender-neutral pronoun. "Sexual" as a descriptor for default sexuality doesn't quite have the right ring. 

[CajunAce]

It would depend on the person and the intent behind using it. Words can be used in sooooo many different ways and have sooooo many different reactions.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

3 minutes ago, Grimalkin said:

That's funny, I would assume just using "sexual" would sound more "sex-obsessed freak" (as per above) than allosexual would. "Sexual people" "my sexual husband" "I believe my sister is sexual", etc. sounds awkward to my mind because it has a more straight-up, well, sexual connotation. 

 

Kind of like how "they/them" as pronouns is just kind of awkward, thanks to the English language not having a good gender-neutral pronoun. "Sexual" as a descriptor for default sexuality doesn't quite have the right ring. 

Not according to every sexual I've ever talked to on AVEN.

[everywhere and nowhere]

11 minutes ago, Grimalkin said:

That's funny, I would assume just using "sexual" would sound more "sex-obsessed freak" (as per above) than allosexual would. "Sexual people" "my sexual husband" "I believe my sister is sexual", etc. sounds awkward to my mind because it has a more straight-up, well, sexual connotation. 

I always get the same impression. No, sorry, "sexual" just sounds... kinda "hypersexual" to me.

But the question whether it's a slur seems a bit absurd to me. Do allosexual people have a right to prefer this or that term? Sure. But "allosexual" has zero history of being used in a derogatory way and nobody is using this term to hurt people. Really, people need to stop thinking of "someone may not like X word"  as if it equaled "X is a slur".

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

I like the word “allosexual” because it prevents the confusion the word “sexual” can cause with the English language. When you call someone sexual it could be related to them being a sexualized person (revealing clothes, dirty language, etc.) rather than a person who just experiences sexual attraction

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

10 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

I always get the same impression. No, sorry, "sexual" just sounds... kinda "hypersexual" to me.

But the question whether it's a slur seems a bit absurd to me. Do allosexual people have a right to prefer this or that term? Sure. But "allosexual" has zero history of being used in a derogatory way and nobody is using this term to hurt people. Really, people need to stop thinking of "someone may not like X word"  as if it equaled "X is a slur".

I agree with most of this. I doubt it though that “allosexual” has not been used at some point in a derogatory way because I’ve heard of cases with people complaining about elitist aces using it in a way to infer that the ace community is above others

[Grumpy Alien]

I don’t think it’s a slur, I just absolutely hate everything about the word. I’m sexual. It’s an uncomplicated term. Everyone knows what you mean. No explanation required. No ridiculous and superfluous prefix. If you’d like to be more specific, tack on hetero/homo/bi/pan, etc. I’m not sexually attracted to “allo.” (It means “other”??? How is that even helpful?!)

 

It really pisses me off that the asexual community has slapped a label on the entire sexual community and refuses to drop it despite very little acceptance of the term from those it’s applied to...

 

EDIT: I also can’t answer the poll because 1. I don’t think it’s a slur, but I definitely disagree with its usage. 2. I’m a romantic sexual which is not an option given.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

1 minute ago, disGraceful said:

I’m not sexually attracted to “allo.” (It means “other”??? How is that even helpful?!)

Spoiler

I remember this being a thing at one point, and I'm pretty sure @CBC had somet to do with it xD

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

5 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

I don’t think it’s a slur, I just absolutely hate everything about the word. I’m sexual. It’s an uncomplicated term. Everyone knows what you mean. No explanation required. No ridiculous and superfluous prefix. If you’d like to be more specific, tack on hetero/homo/bi/pan, etc. I’m not sexually attracted to “allo.” (It means “other”??? How is that even helpful?!)

 

It really pisses me off that the asexual community has slapped a label on the entire sexual community and refuses to drop it despite very little acceptance of the term from those it’s applied to...

We use it because it prevents connotational confusion and provides context in terms of asexuality

[Grumpy Alien]

Just now, Anthracite_Impreza said:

  Hide contents

I remember this being a thing at one point, and I'm pretty sure @CBC had somet to do with it xD

I’m sure she did 😂

That’s genius. I do love me some allosaurus europaeus. Epitome of sexy.

[Guest]

20 minutes ago, Star Lion said:

We use it because it prevents connotational confusion and provides context in terms of asexuality

I've been here since 2013 and in that whole time, the vast majority of sexual members have expressed hatred for the term 'allosexual' for multiple reasons. The term 'allo' can be pronounced like 'all-o-sexual' as in 'I'll fuck anything, everything is fuckable' lol. The term actually means 'attracted to something other than oneself' and is the opposite of autosexual (attracted to oneself). The majority of sexual people here prefer the term 'sexual' as the opposite to a-sexual as opposed to a term that means the opposite of autosexual. The 'a' in asexual means 'without' (without a desire to connect sexually with others) so you take away the 'a' and you have someone who does have a desire to connect on a sexual level with other people, but how often and to what genders etc are not included in that term: it's just 'not asexual'. Whereas 'allosexual' can and has been actively interpreted as 'will fuck it ALL' - which obviously is not good for anyone who has.. you know.. preferences.

[Guest]

47 minutes ago, Star Lion said:

I like the word “allosexual” because it prevents the confusion the word “sexual” can cause with the English language. When you call someone sexual it could be related to them being a sexualized person (revealing clothes, dirty language, etc.) rather than a person who just experiences sexual attraction

By the way, this comment makes it sound like you're a sexual person who likes the term. I had to go and check your profile (I'm on mobile so can't see the descriptions under avatars) and see you're actually ace lol. So whether you like the term or not, let me just reiterate that almost all sexual people hate the term.

 

1 hour ago, Grimalkin said:

That's funny, I would assume just using "sexual" would sound more "sex-obsessed freak" (as per above) than allosexual would. "Sexual people" "my sexual husband" "I believe my sister is sexual", etc. sounds awkward to my mind because it has a more straight-up, well, sexual connotation. 

 

Kind of like how "they/them" as pronouns is just kind of awkward, thanks to the English language not having a good gender-neutral pronoun. "Sexual" as a descriptor for default sexuality doesn't quite have the right ring. 

Hopefully my responses to Star Lion can help clarify why most sexual people do not like the term allosexual!

[Guest]

39 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

. 2. I’m a romantic sexual which is not an option given.

I couldn't answer the poll either for this reason, haha. 

[daveb]

For some reason this comes to mind...

 

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

14 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

I've been here since 2013 and in that whole time, the vast majority of sexual members have expressed hatred for the term 'allosexual' for multiple reasons. The term 'allo' can be pronounced like 'all-o-sexual' as in 'I'll fuck anything, everything is fuckable' lol. The term actually means 'attracted to something other than oneself' and is the opposite of autosexual (attracted to oneself). The majority of sexual people here prefer the term 'sexual' as the opposite to a-sexual as opposed to a term that means the opposite of autosexual. The 'a' in asexual means 'without' (without a desire to connect sexually with others) so you take away the 'a' and you have someone who does have a desire to connect on a sexual level with other people, but how often and to what genders etc are not included in that term: it's just 'not asexual'. Whereas 'allosexual' can and has been actively interpreted as 'will fuck it ALL' - which obviously is not good for anyone who has.. you know.. preferences.

I’ve literally never looked into the word that far but you have a point. I’m still hooked up though on the confusion of  the ‘hypersexual’ connotation so I’m wondering, would you be okay if another word was made with the same effect but was more appropriate for the definition it’s meant to have?

[Grumpy Alien]

3 minutes ago, Star Lion said:

I’ve literally never looked into the word that far but you have a point. I’m still hooked up though on the confusion of  the ‘hypersexual’ connotation so I’m wondering, would you be okay if another word was made with the same effect but was more appropriate for the definition it’s meant to have?

What’s wrong with “non-asexual”?

[Sexual Ally]

The only place I've come across this term is AVEN, i don't think anyone else knows what the heck it means (then again, most ppl don't know what asexual means, either). 

 

I don't think it's a slur, bc it's not generally coming from a trolling, negative place.  It's not my favorite word tho, as it's clunky and not even gramatically accurate.  The prefix allo- means "other" or "different", so why would "different-sexual" = "someone who experiences sexual attraction"?

 

On AVEN I ID as "sexual" bc it's neater, to-the-point, and we all "get it".   Of course by this point we all get "allosexual" as well, but as someone non-asexual (this phrase is gramatically accurate, but also clunky)..... er, I forget my point   

[Scottthespy]

I don't consider it a 'slur', but I do consider it irritatingly unnecessary. Asexual means 'non-sexual', therefore the opposite of that is just 'sexual'. The 'a' is a Latin prefix that means 'without' or 'non', sexual is the root word, asexual is a modifier.

 

"Non-asexual" is irritating for a similar reason...it meas 'non-non-sexual', and that's just plain nonsensical.  It also kind of implies that 'asexual' is the norm, since it uses 'asexual' as the root and adds a prefix onto it. As much as there's nothing wrong with us, we certainly aren't the 'norm', by virtue of being in the minority. Like, consider if you were part of a religion, and then these 'atheists', these non-believers, came along, and started calling you a 'non-atheist', a 'non-non-believer'. It would be kind of odd at the best, and probably a little upsetting to some people. 

[daveb]

46 minutes ago, CBC said:

On AVEN, I tend to say 'non-asexuals' or 'sexuals'.

Same for me. Seems to convey the meaning well enough and doesn't seem to be disliked by sexual people as far as I know.

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

3 minutes ago, disGraceful said:

What’s wrong with “non-asexual”?

Idk, that actually works perfectly fine to me. I just hope it doesn’t make us sound super pretentious

[Philip027]

I don't think it's inherently derogatory or something, but I also don't feel like it's a good term.  It just sounds like you have the hots for the allosaurus.

 

Nothing wrong with just plain sexuals, and it's what most seem to prefer anyway.

 

Not to mention also that "allosexual" means something different in French (it's their term for LGBT people, basically)

 

Quote

What’s wrong with “non-asexual”?

Double negative.  It also implies that asexuality is the norm and that sexuals are deviants of it, which is obviously the reverse of how things really are.

[Grumpy Alien]

Just now, Star Lion said:

Idk, that actually works perfectly fine to me. I just hope it doesn’t make us sound super pretentious

“Allosexual” makes people sound pretentious, in my opinion.

[Aimeendfire]

I've been gone from the majority of AVEN  for the last ...oh 5 years or so. Just recently ventured back and I had no idea what that term meant so this must be a recent development.  I don't care for it. Its confusing like others have said. 

 

[Scottthespy]

13 minutes ago, CBC said:

On AVEN it is the norm though, and that's precisely why I use it. We (sexual people) are the minority here. I say "non-ace" or "non-asexual" all the time to make it clear that I'm not part of the majority orientation on AVEN.

You just used 'sexual people' though, not 'non-asexual people', and it worked well, it got the point across. Even when asexuality is the norm, 'non-asexual' is still a double negative...it would be like calling a religious person a 'non-atheist'. Not only are sexual people the norm in the general population, they also coined their term first. All sexualities use a prefix to modify the root word of 'sexual'...homo meaning same, hetero meaning different, bi meaning two, pan meaning all, a meaning none, ect. The word 'sexual' already means 'desiring sex with' in modern conversational use, and people outside of aven tend to understand it without it needing to be explained. Sexual is the base, asexual is it's opposite.

 

Non-ace, you can argue, works because 'ace' is just a cutesy term used to abbreviate 'asexual', and it rolls off the tongue a little better, but the implications are the same. I can see situations in where 'non-ace' or 'non-asexual' can work, if you're using them to place emphasis for the sake of a compelling sentence, (Ie "We here on Aven have a growing community of asexual members, but let us not forget out non asexual members."), but most of the time I feel it's just a double negative that implies a strange roll reversal and will confuse some people and annoy etymologists.

[Guest]

Not a slur, but stupid, unneccessary, and confusing (especially seeing as to French Canadians, it apparently means "not heterosexual": allosexuel )

 

Just say sexual. I don't recall hearing a single sexual person complain about being called sexual on here, it's always some mythical "somewhere else people said". I've heard lots of sexuals on AVEN complain about how idiotic "allosexual" is.

 

My vote is to just retire it.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Sexual Ally said:

The prefix allo- means "other" or "different", so why would "different-sexual" = "someone who experiences sexual attraction"?

Just to clarify, the English version of the term was invented (I think by someone on Tumblr lol) as the opposite of autosexual. Autosexual = attracted to yourself/wants sex with yourself, and Allosexual = attracted to something other than yourself/wants sex with something other than yourself, lol. Like I said before, 'sexual' does work best, or @Star Lion non-ace if you prefer that! I've never seen sexual people complaining about either of those terms, but I've seen the whole 'allosexual' thing complained about so many times on AVEN!!