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Pattijo

Supporting my asexual partner

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Pattijo

How do I let my partner know I support her in her asexuality?  We have been together about a year and she tries to be sexual with me but I feel like she’s uncomfortable and I don’t want her to be. I am okay with not having sex and I feel like she’s doing it so she doesn’t lose me.  I love everything about her and we can be intimate without engaging in sexual acts.  I don’t know how to tell her this without looking like in condensing ?  Please help!!

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Dr. Beat

I would just sit down and talk to her about how you feel. Let her know that you know what asexuality actually is and make sure that you are both on the same page and that you respect each other. That way you both know what you're comfortable with doing.

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anisotrophic
15 minutes ago, Pattijo said:

how to tell her this without looking like in condensing ?

?? I have no idea what this is

 

Anyway I recently decided to pitch it as an experiment, "I think I'd be happier not seeing you feel pressured by sex in any way. how about I don't ask for sex for a while and let's see how it goes"

 

That way your partner knows you're not acting like the whole relationship has failed, it's just a different approach to try that you think might be happier for both of you

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Shyni
51 minutes ago, Pattijo said:

How do I let my partner know I support her in her asexuality?  We have been together about a year and she tries to be sexual with me but I feel like she’s uncomfortable and I don’t want her to be. I am okay with not having sex and I feel like she’s doing it so she doesn’t lose me.  I love everything about her and we can be intimate without engaging in sexual acts.  I don’t know how to tell her this without looking like in condensing ?  Please help!!

I think just sitting down and talking is going to be the best thing. The fact that you've found your way here suggests you've been looking asexuality, so you're making that attempt to understand her perspective, so I'd probably start with that. Explain that you don't want to push her to do anything she's not comfortable with, and you want an arrangement where neither of you feel pressured and both are comfortable.

When it comes to not coming across as condescending, I'm not very good at the whole people thing, but I think the key thing just avoid making assumptions. Letting her explain her perspective, and trying not to put words in her mouth will go a long way.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it goes well for you; it feels like you really care about your partner, and I feel if you can get that across, it's going to go a long way. 🖤

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ryn2
6 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

I have no idea what this is

Looks like autocorrect attacked “condescending.”

 

Agreed with everyone that sitting down and talking about it is the best idea.

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MichaelTannock

I've moved this thread from 'Questions about Asexuality' to 'For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies'.
 
Michael Tannock,
Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator.

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MichaelTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I've never had or desired either sex or a romantic relationship, but I think communication is the key.
I think you can avoid sounding condescending by explaining how you feel first.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a The deer in the water fountain Cake,

tcydodrrzxxoyc8zkjvp.jpg

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