Bras and dysphoria

[Frozenwaffles]

Okay so, I have so so many complicated feelings that it's hard to write down but- here I go anyways. I honestly despise my breasts (They're super small) But I still hate them. I hate how the bounce, they are such a nuisance, and worst of all I feel so dysphoric. I honestly just wish gender wasn't a thing.  Bras are a constant reminder that I'm a girl. I put off wearing a bra until I was yelled at in front of everyone by a girl that I should put on a bra. (I soon did)  I didn't have much trouble because I found a pair that I liked, they would kind of compress them down, but were still comfortable. But recently I had gotten some new bras and they are the cupped kind, I'm young so I'd never really used them before, and those make me feel so dysphoric. How do I stop feeling this way about bras? Also don't get me started on talking to my mom about bras, I feel so awkward, and talks about periods are even worse, it's like everywhere I turn, people are like you're a women! So, does anyone else experience something similar to this?

[Grimalkin]

If you're young yet, I would ask your mom if you could get a sports bra. You can try on multiple different types and they have a nice compression effect that should help keep everything in tight.

[MoraDollie]

Sports bras are nice, comfortable, and often compress because the idea behind them is that it helps "restrict" your body when working out so it's more comfortable to work out. 

[A. Sterling]

Yes, I have a very similar experience. I haven't figured out an answer yet though.

[F_p_m]

Oh man I remember those days. I actively avoided bras for like 2 years or more because I didn't want to acknowledge my boobs and wanted them to just go away already. I hated them, I felt like a freak with them.

I ended up wearing a camisole top but only because my school uniform was rather rough and would make my nipples actually BLEED if I didn't have another layer of something protecting them (EEEK!)

But chaffed bleeding nipples was in my mind preferable to a bra, yeaaaah... what?

 

I always resented having to wear one, they were so restrictive, so tight and uncomfortable and so unrelentingly frilly. Bletch. I hated the lace, I hated the underwires, I hated everything about them.

 

It wasn't till I discovered non underwire bras and t-shirt bras (which are plain as heck and sooooft) that I was mostly okay with wearing a bra. It took me ages to go back from maternity bras hahaha, I loved those things. They were pretty unstructured and didn't really offer much support, they just provided little cradles for the sore boobage to settle in and I wore mine to destruction well after my kids were born haha.

 

Yeah these sorts of unstructure bra are still a bit uncomfortable especially in the heat and at night when I take it off I get itchy where the stupid strap was sitting all day, but it's a lot better than the constriction of the bras I was forced to wear in my teens.

 

Sports bras and similar are fabulous for squishing boobage down though, and they're about as comfortable long term as a t-shirt bra. I can sleep in either and sometimes do because my boobs are hurting too much to free em. Bah.

For reference, I have a high impact sports bra that squishes my large C cup down to an A cup and I ADORE this. It makes me feel so much more comfortable and confident to not have these big ol' lumps sticking outta me.

 

However, I want to add that disliking boobs at a young age doesn't neccisarily mean gender dysphoria. Resenting growing up, resenting the way society is suddenly treating you, just feeling uncomfortable with the way your body is changing are very common and you shouldn't feel obligated to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Wearing something that gives support will be good for your bust in that it'll avoid a lot of the pain of running without a bra but depending on how large your bust is, a lot of women do get away with going braless and that's their call damnit. Anyone who says otherwise can suck it.

 

I feel ya on the feeling super uncomfortable about cupped bras, they made me feel awful when i first started to need them and I protested HARD against them. I'd go for something without cups as a start, they look less like a grown up bra so feel less.. I dunno... adult and sexualised or something. *squick*

 

 

[Larkaloke]

I felt like that for a long time (still do, really, I'm just more resigned to dealing with it now). My first solution was to not wear one and always wear more than one shirt or a thick shirt, which I did until I was eighteen, but then wearing a t-shirt under my costumes didn't work for several roles I was cast in - I did a lot of theatre then - so I started wearing one. The first few years I got the cup kind, because that was what I found easily, but I hated them, especially because the ones that were actually my size all had some kind of padding to them which I absolutely didn't want.

 

I'd recommend sports bras. They're much more comfortable, and for people with small chests, even the least compressing ones do a pretty good job. I go with the softest ones I can find that don't have any real structure or compression to them, because those work well enough for me and actually aren't uncomfortable (I have sensitivity issues, so the ones with heavy elastic and stuff make me really uncomfortable really quickly).

 

Having learned from experience, I'd caution you to make sure that the band of whatever you end up with is comfortable around your ribcage and you can take a deep breath no matter what. It's fairly easy to wind up with a too-tight sports bra because the extra compression and not being able to notice anything on your chest feels great, but restricted breathing definitely does not feel great, and wearing something that tight can be really bad for you in the long run. A lot of sports bras are made with the assumption that the person wearing them will have a fairly large bust, so if you don't, it's easy to end up with the wrong size especially if compression is one of the things you're looking for.

 

On 5/4/2019 at 12:00 PM, F_p_m said:

However, I want to add that disliking boobs at a young age doesn't neccisarily mean gender dysphoria. Resenting growing up, resenting the way society is suddenly treating you, just feeling uncomfortable with the way your body is changing are very common and you shouldn't feel obligated to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Yeah, for sure. I think it's mostly about why you dislike them, and whether you keep really disliking them after you've had time to adjust.

[Acing It]

One more for sports bras but if they are really small, do you have to wear one at all? Could you get away with wearing a sleaveless top under whatever else you are wearing? They will still bounce but there's a balance between feeling you are wearing a bra and not feeling your boobs too much or feeling your boobs and not feeling you are wearing a bra if you know what I mean. At least they are small, as you said.

[scarletlatitude]

On 5/3/2019 at 9:38 PM, Frozenwaffles said:

. I honestly despise my breasts (They're super small) But I still hate them

I agree with sports bras. Or maybe one of those tank tops with the boob shelf thing? 

 

Bras are super annoying... unfortunately I can't hide mine very well... size D aren't easy to conceal. 

[Innocent archer]

I get what you mean I feel very similar with my boobs. They’re small but I still want to get some sort of breast reduction. I also feel similar about my sex organs like they seem a little useless, and messy. Sadly I can’t exactly get rid of those. Sport bras help me deal with my boobs, but whenever I can I don’t wear any bra, but my mom dosen’t exactly approve.

[Frozenwaffles]

On 5/7/2019 at 1:08 PM, Acing It said:

One more for sports bras but if they are really small, do you have to wear one at all? Could you get away with wearing a sleaveless top under whatever else you are wearing? They will still bounce but there's a balance between feeling you are wearing a bra and not feeling your boobs too much or feeling your boobs and not feeling you are wearing a bra if you know what I mean. At least they are small, as you said.

Yes, I do need to the wear them, because apparently people are still able to notice them, which sucks. Last year I got called out for not wearing a bra and it was so embarrassing, had a full blown panic attack that day. It might've been since I was wearing a white shirt, I wore like a ton of tanktops underneath though. Maybe I could get away with wearing a sweater or something. But I also hate the bounce, so I feel as if a sports  bra would be good, or something that I couldn't really feel was there. And forget about them for a while.

[Acing It]

Ah yes, the bounce... that would put anyone with dysphoria off, of course. It's a bit outrageous for someone to call you out, though. Unless you're giving someone who doesn't want it the 'full view experience' it's none of their business, especially if you're wearing lots of tank tops as well. Says more about the person calling you out than it does about you imo. Go sportsbra! 😊

[Albine]

After I had my breast aug  wearing a bra was not an issue it was realizing I could not go shirtless anymore, and just feeling more exposed than ever before. went to a pool party very excited about wearing a swimtop for the first time, ended up having a panic attack  NOT fun:( 

[DuranDuranfan]

I’m bigender and for me, it’s the discomfort of having big breasts that bugs me. Even sports bras don’t flatten them enough when my masculine side is asserting itself, which is why I purchased a binder. Now I look like I have bodybuilder pecs haha. I’m hoping to get a reduction done because I still have a feminine side that asserts itself on occasion.

 

 

[Internetlionboy]

I'm a genderfluid trans guy and I don't really get dysphoric towards my breasts but sometimes I do and it's just oof

[PoeciMeta]

Eheh, I feel that. I never wore an actual bra, I started straight away with DIY binding. You see that kind of cotton tubular neck scarf? Yeah, I put that around my torso. Yup, super unsafe. Don't do that. Got a proper binder now, which is fantastic (I ordered it behind my parents' backs, it's possible to bind in secret~). 

When I have a medical appointment, for example to get my back looked at, I put on a sports bra (my only sports bra, in fact) , and I have to agree, these things are cool too. 

[Janus the Fox]

I’d often get the opposite wanting a bit of breast, to wear a bra being trans myself.

 

Id wonder though, if I’d complain as a woman having breasts, hear it from plenty of cis girls I once knew 🤔

[blackbirdfly]

I personally hate my breasts and always have. I sometimes wake up to me trying to claw them off my chest. 

 

Luckily I’m a candidate for breast reduction surgery because my size is so big it’s affecting my back. I’m just trying to decide if I want to go down to maybe an A cup or get a full on mastectomy. 

[Spoon_Enby]

I don't normally use those types of bra's since they make my chest look big- When I was around bras I always thought they look just off and I would never need them- This is a recent story that I'm about to write! So, back in Christmas time, me, and my mom went to a bra store, I felt like I was somewhere I didn't belong until I went to the other side of the store- Also my mom made me try them on and I just felt so off- This is just my personal experience- I identify as non binary, and I use any pronouns! I hope this helps!