I guess I'm confused again. Is this asexual?

[Mike_Rophone]

I ramble for a little bit, so if you would like to get right to the NSFW details of the question, skip to "What I experience", keeping in mind it is NSFW.

 

I want to start off by saying I can't believe it's been three years since I've been active here. Granted, of course this doesn't mean anything to any of you, but this place has always been kind and helpful for me, so it's nice to be back. This does mean that on one hand, I remember that this is the most common question asked here, no contest. On the other, I also remember it being cathartic to receive other opinions, so please bare with me. 

 

I've grown older and believe I've grown more capable of realizing what I do and do not like, which I'll express momentarily. For a while, I had just assumed that because I love female bodies, I am not asexual. I've consistently had a disinterest in the female genitalia, but for the most part other than that, until recently I've continued to just assume I'm sexual.  

 

Here's where I enter TMI territory, so here's your opportunity to back out. 

I've never been obsessed with it, but fairly recently I quit traditional porn. I just realized I'm not interested in it, at least not as much as still images or vanilla gifs(woman shaking her breasts, never sex gifs). As a matter of fact, when I first started masturbating, the only real fantasy I'd have was of having a significant other stand in front of me as I masturbated. Once I realized what a vagina actually was, I was never  interested in penetrating it. Even now, whenever I see an image of a hot woman, my first instinct isn't "I want to have sex with her!", it's "I want to masturbate.". 

Anyway, long story short, while I was looking into what people consider porn and why I don't really like porn, I again came across the possibility of being ace. So here I am. I'm confused at this point, so I'd like to specify how I feel and receive honest feedback. 

 

What I experience:

Before I started typing, I looked at a picture of someone I'd consider hot so I could gather my thoughts. Here's what happened. 

1. I did not want to have traditional sex with her. My first instinct was that I wanted to masturbate to her body. 

2. She has a nice overall form. I like her butt, I like her breasts. Other than maybe touch, I wouldn't really like to do anything other than masturbate to her boobs and butt. 

3. Here's where it gets weird. I have what I call a 'thigh fetish', I'm just very into thighs specifically. So while I don't want traditional sex with this woman, I want to be physical with her thighs. Graphic: I wouldn't mind touching, licking, rubbing lube on, rubbing penis on, or cumming on her thighs. I don't fantasize much other than with thighs.

Other notes: Overall, I enjoy the idea of touching, shaking, and occasionally even cumming on boobs and butts(as a result of masturbating, not physical contact like thighs).  I'm not interested in anal penetration. I have a fairly high libido, I masturbate maybe three times a week at minimum, once a day at max, though on rare occasions I want to masturbate twice a day. Clothed or not, I just like seeing hot women, I think I have a slight preference to clothed since nude sometimes involves vagina. Lastly, I like the idea that woman want to get me off, or are pleased that I masturbate to them. 

 

What are your thoughts?

Sex repulsed sexual or high libido asexual? Do I need to clarify something? I'm asking for genuine opinions, be completely honest about what you think, I appreciate any response, honestly. 

 

[Rynn]

1 hour ago, Mike_Rophone said:

Sex repulsed sexual or high libido asexual?

I'm not sure if this is what you wanted to hear, but I was going to say that not all sex has to be penetrative. Different things work for different people. If you have a desire to:

1 hour ago, Mike_Rophone said:

I wouldn't mind touching, licking, rubbing lube on, rubbing penis on, or cumming on her thighs.

then that is partnered genital stimulation, which in my book is pretty close to the very definition of sex. That would mean you do have a desire for partnered sex and do have sexual attraction and would make you a sexual person who just isn't into penetrative sex. 

 

I also don't think 'I am not interested in penetrating this person' is the same as 'I am repulsed by the thought of having sex with anyone.'

For me sex repulsion is an intense visceral panic response my brain and body have to me imagining any sexual situation in which I would be present. I am on the extreme side, but based on what you wrote, you don't seem to experience anything similar. But if that sentence you wrote was a euphemism for how you actually feel, then feel free to discount what I just said.

 

The reason I'm saying that is because by definition asexual people are not interested in sex, but not all asexual people are sex-repulsed, so disinterest is not repulsion. Repulsion is repulsion.

 

Of course telling people what they are is against the ToS and also can never be as accurate as you deciding what you are for yourself, but those are my honest thoughts.

[Mike_Rophone]

19 minutes ago, Laurann said:

I'm not sure if this is what you wanted to hear

I just want your honest perspective. I won't be devastated if I'm not ace or if I'm not sexual. 

 

21 minutes ago, Laurann said:

then that is partnered genital stimulation, which in my book is pretty close to the very definition of sex. That would mean you do have a desire for partnered sex and do have sexual attraction and would make you a sexual person who just isn't into penetrative sex. 

Again, slightly too much information, but after typing this I masturbated and realized how horny I was when I made that description. It made me start to lean towards being sexual. Don't misunderstand me, I still find her body very attractive, but I'm not as eager to touch it, again adding to why I believe I'm sexual. 

 

26 minutes ago, Laurann said:

I also don't think 'I am not interested in penetrating this person' is the same as 'I am repulsed by the thought of having sex with anyone.'

Nothing near as intense as what you described, but what does happen is that seeing a vagina will make me lose my libido almost immediately, which is probably why I prefer clothed images. If I had a partner that was interested in traditional sex, I would try it for them, but I highly doubt I would ever initiate it myself. For some reason the vagina is unappealing to me. Again, nothing as intense as you described, but I do experience some slight disgust. Wish I didn't because there's nothing objectively wrong with vaginas, but they just turn me off, I do not like them. I've never seen one in person, but I don't see how that would change much. 

 

34 minutes ago, Laurann said:

The reason I'm saying that is because by definition asexual people are not interested in sex, but not all asexual people are sex-repulsed, so disinterest is not repulsion. Repulsion is repulsion.

I'm leaning towards sex-repulsed sexual. 

 

38 minutes ago, Laurann said:

Of course telling people what they are is against the ToS and also can never be as accurate as you deciding what you are for yourself, but those are my honest thoughts.

Thank you for your honest thoughts! Having an outside perspective is incredibly helpful because this is still  confusing, even as someone that was previously very active here. I have a high libido, but my proportions and desires don't align with most sexuals, so it was confusing me. Never felt shamed by this community, so I thought it was the perfect place to receive honest input from, truly, thank you!

[Iam9man]

@Mike_Rophone You may relate to the below thread, which I found very helpful. Could what you describe potentially be hyperaesthetic/hypersensual attraction mixed with a libido?

 

[Rynn]

@Mike_Rophone Sex-aversion is a less extreme term than sex-repulsion. You might want to look into that.

The distinction between those terms is not always made, and not everyone makes it in the same way.

For some, aversion is when you have an aversion to being in sexual situations yourself, but are fine imagining others doing it, while repulsion is more general.

For others, aversion is that you'd just rather not have sex, while repulsion is a more physical, visceral disgust response.

 

And I'm glad I could help  Also, here's some cake to welcome you back:

(Also I absolutely love your username)

[NoraGrace]

I’d say that you are leaning toward high libido asexual and away from sex repulsed asexual. I myself and a sex repulsed asexual and I get grossed out even thinking about what you described doing, but that’s just how I feel. 

I think you probably still are asexual because you said that when you looked at “ a hot person”  your first thought was not that you wanted sex, so you probably do not experience sexual attraction. 

Id suggest looking into the broad spectrum of Asexuality and find one that is right for you. 

[Charna]

I think the question is: would you want to have sex with a woman, if it would involve what arouses you (e.g. rubbing off on her thighs), but would not involve anything that you dislike (e.g. penetrative sex)?

 

It might be that you are ace, or you might be sexual with very specific preferences.

 

 

[Rynn]

2 hours ago, NoraGrace said:

I think you probably still are asexual because you said that when you looked at “ a hot person”  your first thought was not that you wanted sex, so you probably do not experience sexual attraction. 

Sexual attraction is not limited to looking at someone hot and immediately wanting to have penetrative sex with them. If sexual attraction was that limited, a very large part of the population would classify as asexual. Sexual attraction can also be a more mental connection type of thing, being attracted to someone for how they think, how they move, how well they know you, etcetera.

On top of that, looking at someone, then noticing how good their butt, thighs etcetera look, and wanting to rub off on them, would definitely classify as sexual attraction and desire in my book. Rubbing off on somebody is partnered genital stimulation = a form of sex, so wanting to do that with someone is sexual attraction/desire.

[Iam9man]

1 hour ago, Laurann said:

On top of that, looking at someone, then noticing how good their butt, thighs etcetera look, and wanting to rub off on them, would definitely classify as sexual attraction and desire in my book. Rubbing off on somebody is partnered genital stimulation = a form of sex, so wanting to do that with someone is sexual attraction/desire.

Don’t disagree, but this could potentially be more nuanced; If the person is hyperaesthetic and hypersensual they could get aroused from looking at a body part and they could get more aroused from making contact with a body part, whilst not actually experiencing sexual attraction.

 

Sounds like this would need to be thought through to see if the person is desiring partnered sexual intercourse/activity or just using it as a masturbatory aid to relieve arousal.

 

This is just an extrapolation to the extreme of what I experience and what others have shared on AVEN, which may or may not be accurate, but possibly worth some thought @Mike_Rophone.

[Slice of Ace]

I hope you all don't mind me chipping in to this discussion.

 

Personally, I would define sex as an activity involving more than one person and genital stimulation performed for pleasure. That would include typical sex, mutual masturbation, rubbing genitals against someone, oral sex etc. I'm not sure if that's accurate, but it's the best I've come up with for the moment.

 

Thus, from this definition and that of sexual attraction, an asexual wouldn't desire any of those activities for their own pleasure. Amongst sexual people, there are a wide variety of preferences. For example, in the gay community the term 'side' is sometimes used for guys who don't like anal sex (A.K.A. "normal" gay sex).

 

Of course, if anyone wants to label themselves as ace outside of that definition, that's completely fine. That's just me trying to make sense of the madness that is human sexuality 😅

[MLJ]

9 hours ago, Mike_Rophone said:

Even now, whenever I see an image of a hot woman, my first instinct isn't "I want to have sex with her!", it's "I want to masturbate."

I'm inclined to say high libido asexual because of this.

 

The things that you fantasize about - do you actually want to do them with a woman IRL? Is it something that you hope to be able to do eventually? Or is it just an image that arouses you that you like to masturbate to?

 

If it's something you want to be able to do IRL, then I'd think you were sexual. If you are totally satisfied by masturbating to the fantasy, and don't actually want to do those things you're imagining, then I'd guess you're asexual.

 

 

[Mike_Rophone]

17 hours ago, Iam9man said:

@Mike_Rophone You may relate to the below thread, which I found very helpful. Could what you describe potentially be hyperaesthetic/hypersensual attraction mixed with a libido?

 

Thanks! I can relate to it somewhat, namely the 'killswitch' they mentioned. Definitely helpful!

 

17 hours ago, Laurann said:

@Mike_Rophone Sex-aversion is a less extreme term than sex-repulsion. You might want to look into that.

 

(Also I absolutely love your username)

Maybe averse is a better term, I'll definitely look into it. Thanks for the help and the compliment! 

 

15 hours ago, NoraGrace said:

I’d say that you are leaning toward high libido asexual and away from sex repulsed asexual. I myself and a sex repulsed asexual and I get grossed out even thinking about what you described doing, but that’s just how I feel. 

I think you probably still are asexual because you said that when you looked at “ a hot person”  your first thought was not that you wanted sex, so you probably do not experience sexual attraction. 

Id suggest looking into the broad spectrum of Asexuality and find one that is right for you. 

I have, and it's massive. A few years ago, people suggested autochrissexual or anegosexual. I believe I've either changed or am more honest now, however, so it's possible it's different now. 

 

15 hours ago, Charna said:

I think the question is: would you want to have sex with a woman, if it would involve what arouses you (e.g. rubbing off on her thighs), but would not involve anything that you dislike (e.g. penetrative sex)?

 

It might be that you are ace, or you might be sexual with very specific preferences.

 

 

I'm probably allo with specific preferences. I'm still sexually attracted to certain thighs, which I suppose in itself is t uncommon to sexual people, but it's strange for it to be the only part you'd engage with sexually. 

 

10 hours ago, MLJ said:

If it's something you want to be able to do IRL, then I'd think you were sexual. If you are totally satisfied by masturbating to the fantasy, and don't actually want to do those things you're imagining, then I'd guess you're asexual.

 

 

I'm leaning towards allo as well, just only sexually fixated on thighs for some reason. Other than stimulating on thighs, I'd rather masturbate. 

[Charna]

It might be uncommon, but I'd not call it strange. But I'm ace, and sexual attraction in itself is a mystery to me, lol.
 

[WenN]

You might be gray-(a)sexual