Unusual Situation with Friend/Crush

[Shay21]

I just wanted to get this out there, maybe to vent or to just see if anyone else has been in a situation like this before.

 

So I have this one friend, and late last year I started to develop a crush on her. For a while, I didn't say anything because I thought that she was straight and figured it wasn't worth mentioning. However, she would occasionally do or say things that made me wonder if she was bi. I finally decided to get it off my chest and told her last month. Now I didn't just say, "I have a crush on you", instead I said that I had a crush on her but didn't expect her to feel the same way if that wasn't who she was. I also added that I would much rather have her in my life as a close friend than not have her in my life at all. She responded by thanking me for being honest with her, and that she was honestly confused about her sexuality because of how conservative her parents were. But then she said that she's a mess right now and can't really process/reciprocate feelings for someone else at the moment. So she didn't necessarily reject me, but she didn't say yes either.

 

We're still very close friends, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if there's ever a chance for us to work out. I mean we haven't talked about it since that day, so I don't know where we really stand on that aspect of our friendship. She's been going through a lot lately, so I figured now wouldn't be the best time to talk about it again anyways. I obviously don't want to mess this up because we're so close, and I would be devastated if I lost her.

 

Do you guys have any advice on how to handle this going forward?

[NewAce7]

I always wonder how it feels to have a crush on someone.

 

[Shay21]

@Moonman I have told her that, actually. I feel like she has trust issues stemming from something that happened in her past, because she rarely if ever opens up to anyone. I just try to be there for her and to not make it seem like I'm pressuring her to say anything she doesn't feel like opening up about.

 

@NewAce7 It's kind of hard to explain. But for me personally, having a crush on someone gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. I enjoy interacting and being around the person. They overall just make me happy and I always look forward to talking to them or hanging out with them. I'm sorry if that wasn't the best explanation. xD

[Homer]

On 4/26/2019 at 12:36 AM, NewAce7 said:

I always wonder how it feels to have a crush on someone.

Plain awful. Messes with your head. Doesn't let you think straight (no pun intended). Fights your sense of rationality. So glad I haven't had to deal with this shit in more than 15 years.

 

Awful.

[Homer]

Re: The situation at hand

 

I like the apologetic approach. Something like listen, I know this is stupid and I know you're going to say no, but it'd feel weird not to tell you this. Now I'll just sit it out and wait until it fades.

[2XD]

I’m actually in a somewhat similar situation. Though it’s a guy-girl thing.

But I’ve been talking to this guy and I started having feelings for him and I told him that I liked him and he said that he just can’t do a relationship at the moment because he has a lot of stuff to deal with (mainly finishing up his master thesis and school in general). We still talked since then and I tried to just give him space and let him know that I’m there if he wants to talk/needs a break etc. Also sent him silly memes and postcards to cheer him up.

 

We met on acebook and have been talking about lots of stuff, ace related and not, and I know that he doesn’t really have anyone in his life that he can talk to about that particularly.

 

When I said that I felt stupid coz I thought he might like me back he said “it’s not that I don’t like you. I do like you, but I’m just going slow, especially now when I can’t focus on anything but school”. 

So that leaves me hopeful, but just like you, id also rather have him as a friend, than not in my life at all.

 

We’ll see how things develop. 

[HonoraryJedi]

On 4/25/2019 at 6:38 AM, Shay21 said:

But then she said that she's a mess right now and can't really process/reciprocate feelings for someone else at the moment.

I suggest taking this as what is called a 'soft no'. A gentle rejection. If she changes her mind, and realises she is into you, she knows where you are. And she probably isn't going to straight up forget your confession. So I'd say assume you're friends unless she directly tells your otherwise.