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Coming out


NoraGrace

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I have been recently thinking about coming out to my friends about my sexual and romantic orientations but I always feel so nervous. Does anybody have any advice or stories of when you came out to others?

Thanks for your time.

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I have stories with good and bad endings. I told my class mates and they were fine, I just brought it up as it came up organically in the conversation. 

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4 hours ago, ben8884 said:

I have stories with good and bad endings. I told my class mates and they were fine, I just brought it up as it came up organically in the conversation. 

Okay, thanks for your feedback!

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SarahSomeone

For a long time I though I was asexual, but I never really knew the word for it... in my case my friends already kinda knew I wasnt interested in dating. While we were hanging out once, the topic somehow came up and I told them I thought I might be asexual. At first they asked me whether I was certain since we were still teenagers, maybe things would change? But then a split second later they realized how wrong that sounded from looking at it through a different perspective and immediately accepted it. Now they’re chill with it completely, I have a Demi friend who realized they were demi a few months after I told them about me being asexual and now we share posts on Instagram from asexual pride accounts. They also ask me if I’m okay with hearing about sexual stuff from their relationships as well.

My advice would probably be really just taking a good look at your friends, if you trust them and know that they’re good people there are ways which you can bring it up casually. In my case my actions made it pretty obvious I was already asexual anyway 😅 good luck if you do decide to let them know 😁

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greyisnotacolor

Personally (and this is just my opinion), I think that unless you have an emotional reason as to why you would like to come out to your friends as an asexual, you don't really NEED to. Hear me out:

 

As an asexual, you aren't tempted by sexual attraction. Aside from this one point, the rest of your life is otherwise pretty normal: you do activities you like, spend time with friends who make you laugh, and do all the things any person of any orientation could and would do. Now, unless there are people littered throughout your life that interfere with how you feel about your sexuality (ie. a significant other, friends who consistently talk about sex) then I don't really see a need for them to know. An SO, for example, would be a necessity, since they'll likely be closely involved with you to a sexual degree so this conversation will need to happen at some point regardless. But if you have allo friends who are sexual and they have a need to share that with you and you feel inclined to need to let them know you're asexual, go for it. If you're nervous about it, have you considered why? Do you maybe think that there is a chance they might see you differently, talk differently around you? It's likely, but it's also likely they'll just accept you as you are, and this piece of information won't affect your friendship with them in any way.

 

To this day, only my sister, boyfriend and best friend know I am an asexual. The conversation between my sister and I was interesting because it turned out she is also an asexual. No one else in my circle really needs to know, and talking about sex doesn't really bother me so I just keep it at that. I talk about my interest in asexuality occasionally around friends, but no one's bothered to question me about my sexuality, again, likely because it's not a point that will change our relationship.

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Random_Human

If you're still accepting stories, I'm in a similar situation where I want to come out to my main friend group and am considering my options.

 

Personally, I'm only really out to 3 people, one of which took it really well while the others didn't really get it, but were accepting none the less. I actually came out to the first girl over text, and it turned out that she has an Ace cousin too, so she was 'in the know' as such, she's been pretty supportive.

 

If you're considering coming out to a group of friends, I'd probably advise coming out to at least one person prior, so you'll have some experience, and you'll be able to ask their opinion on what the rest of the group will feel (that's what I'm planning on doing to my friend when I see her next.) I'd also feel out the group a bit, maybe see what others think of the lgbtq+ community.

 

Honestly, it just depends on what you feel, if you think its the right decision for you, go for it, but its great that you're taking the time to consider it before hand!

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I came out to one of my friends the other night and I will say it was hard/awkward to say. I could not stop laughing (I do it everytime because im so nervous about being judged lol), but I eventually got it out and she asked a ton of questions. She was supportive! I am slowly coming out to my close friends. So far I have done 3 out of 5. I have not gotten a bad recation yet, mainly just questions. My only advice would be to be ready for all kinds of questions. 

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euphrasie_fauchlevent

Not sure if you're still accepting stories, but gah what a day, my realisation that I'm ace has probably, in hindsight, been coming for a very long time but finally came to a head today. Went on a date with this really cool girl the other day and I've been doing the dating scene for a while now and being like "WHY ARE YOU NOT ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE LADY?" and with this girl I was really, like, trying, and it wasn't happening. Anyway, finally started researching today, had my realisation, and she was one of the first people I came out to and she was so wonderful about it, and we're going to be friends. So yeah. 

 

I've come out to two of my best friends and two of my housemates as well today, cried all over one of my best friends out of relief/emotional overwroughtness etc, but they've all been utterly wonderful and accepting. My tactic has just been to come out with it, really, and I mean, mine surprised me when they said things like "oh yeah, well when you had those hookups last year it was very like "I'm going to do this and book a time and try sex" so you know, I'm not really surprised," which was reassuring. Don't know if that's any help, but good luck!

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Pumpkins_and_penguins

I had a really great coming out experience today. I told one of my oldest friends that I was ace and she was so supportive.  I was so nervous to actually say it.

Obviously she had some questions, but she asked them very respectfully and allowed me to talk and it ended up being a really great conversation.

 

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