adozeneggs Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 just a heads up: This post is going to discuss sexual content! Hi! Within the past few days, while doing reading to understand what my ace best friend experiences, I realized....a lot of commentary here lines up with what I've experienced! Now, I'm not entirely sure if I'm aspec or not, but things have started making more sense once I at least considered the possibility. For most of my life I've always found both men and women attractive and have desired chaste intimacy (ie; hugging, cuddling, kissing etc.). But whenever I think about actually engaging in sex, it always seemed too intimidating-- I just figured it was because I was a virgin. Within the last year or so I've attempted to hook up with several people of various gender identities who I thought were attractive and had an emotional bond to but it was just...boring! I felt embarrassed that I couldn't enjoy myself even when I have quite a high libido and masturbate often enough. Before having sex, I always thought it was going to be the best thing in the world because of how romanticized it is in media. After having sex, I felt like something was wrong and I just needed to figure out how my body words (even though I know exactly how it works and can masturbate just fine). In the past 2 months I've begun talking to a person across the country. I think they are attractive, I desire that same chaste intimacy, and I realized I really like them! Sometimes we'll sext (text based- no pictures) and I realized I really like that, too! I have a strong desire to pleasure them, and enjoy the concept, but when I get off, it isn't to a fantasy of being sexually intimate with them... I enjoy the idea of them being near, but not directly involved. I read that asexuals can read and enjoy erotic literature, too, so I guess I'm wondering how this kind of modern romantic encounter plays into sexuality? If I want to be intimate with someone because I care about them and pleasing them is sexually pleasing to me, does that qualify as sexual attraction? Or could it be a desire created from an emotional bond I've established with someone. Something about the ace spectrum feels right, but I can't find quite the right vocabulary or label for it and, unfortunately, there's a voice in my head that's wondering if I just haven't found the right person yet so I'm hesitant to fully embrace asexuality. Any commentary y'all have on this is greatly appreciated! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Iam9man Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 Being attracted to people but finding sex boring, wanting to be near people you’re attracted to and wanting to please your partner all sound very familiar! I won’t label you but based on what you wrote you could be asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 Welcome to AVEN! I define Sexual Attraction as leading to the desire to have sex with someone. Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal. But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction. There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone. There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling. There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty. There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone. And more. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Rose Cupcake Bouquet, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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