BlueHairedFairy Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Random Rant/Question: So, I'm going into the doctor's tomorrow about an issue with my hip joint that has forced me to suddenly quit all exercise activities (one of my favorite things to do). I am nervous as heck about tomorrow because every time I've been to see a doctor, they treat me like crap. And, most of it has to do with my asexual orientation. I've had comments about how I should want sex and it's a problem that needs to be fixed. I've had them ask me if I just made asexuality up, etc. I am in fear of that happening tomorrow. I've never seen this doctor and I know absolutely nothing about her. Has anyone else had similar experiences (I'm sure a decent number have) and how do you get past it? I know it will come up because it always does, regardless of what I am actually there for. My anxiety if through the roof 😭 Link to post Share on other sites
Karst Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 I normally don't need to discuss my orientation with my doctor, so I can't really give you any good advice about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Serra Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Visiting the doctor as an ace kinda sucks... I agree there.. In my experiences no one tends to believe im a virgin... and im like uhm yes...So unless jesus himself decides to take residence in MY WOMB theres no chance Im pregnant... (when they ask about sexual activeness of course- and "any chance you might be pregnant") No one ever believes me... the other issue I have is they wont let me get a hysterectomy.. cuz "I might want kids" Bitch im 33 Im good. just take it. XD Nope they wont... guh... Going to the doctor is still important though- especially when its something like that that is necessary for life. So.. You definately arent alone with being treated like crap because you're ace and the population cannot handle it.. but remember you Arent going FOR THEM.. and what they think about your sexuality- youre going FOR YOU- and to help YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHairedFairy Posted April 24, 2019 Author Share Posted April 24, 2019 I never think it matters, but I always get asked. Maybe I just always end up with weird physicians who are too nosy? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHairedFairy Posted April 24, 2019 Author Share Posted April 24, 2019 5 minutes ago, Serra said: Visiting the doctor as an ace kinda sucks... I agree there.. In my experiences no one tends to believe im a virgin... and im like uhm yes...So unless jesus himself decides to take residence in MY WOMB theres no chance Im pregnant... (when they ask about sexual activeness of course- and "any chance you might be pregnant") No one ever believes me... the other issue I have is they wont let me get a hysterectomy.. cuz "I might want kids" Bitch im 33 Im good. just take it. XD Nope they wont... guh... Going to the doctor is still important though- especially when its something like that that is necessary for life. So.. You definately arent alone with being treated like crap because you're ace and the population cannot handle it.. but remember you Arent going FOR THEM.. and what they think about your sexuality- youre going FOR YOU- and to help YOU. Yeah, the hysterectomy thing is another grand issue. That one just irks me because 'don't you believe that I know what I want to do with my body?' - and I've heard some doctors will say " you're future husband may want kids" - what future husband??? Some invisible person has more control over my body than I do?! Link to post Share on other sites
Serra Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 3 minutes ago, BlueHairedFairy said: Yeah, the hysterectomy thing is another grand issue. That one just irks me because 'don't you believe that I know what I want to do with my body?' - and I've heard some doctors will say " you're future husband may want kids" - what future husband??? Some invisible person has more control over my body than I do?! Hysterectomy is a giant issue... I told my mom I wanted one and she got really angry with me, and told me to just take the pill.. I was like HUH? no... just no... those cause cancer and other terrible issues. Just let me get rid of it! I imagine if I was trans (no offense meant to anyone who is) and I wanted to be male no one would really care- but nope... I not so I must keep the baby aking machine even though I DONT WANT THEM! Im agender... let me get rid of the thing that annoys me and shoves in my face that im biologically female every month...! Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Your hip issue has nothing to do with sex; if they're asking about sex rather than sorting your hip out then they're not doing their job and should be reported. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Why would any doctor other than an obgyn have any interest in your sex life? It’s irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
Podsnap Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 I've never been to a gynecologist. I was asked once in an E.R. whether or not I was sexually active. Other than that it has never, ever come up. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 17 minutes ago, Podsnap said: I've never been to a gynecologist. I was asked once in an E.R. whether or not I was sexually active. Other than that it has never, ever come up. It rarely even comes up at the gynecologist for me! In the ER, they ask any AFAB person because if they need to do radiology testing, they need to know if there's a chance they could be pregnant so I've also been asked that there. But it's just a yes or no, they dgaf about anything else. I've had lady problems since well before I was sexually active. I'm sexually active now and the questions at the obgyn are really no different than they were before I became sexually active. The answers are different but they're only interested so they can better understand and treat my problems. If there are doctors actually encouraging you to have sex and asking irrelevant sexual questions, that is a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHairedFairy Posted April 24, 2019 Author Share Posted April 24, 2019 I went in once to discuss a bladder issue and all the doctor wanted to talk about was why I was not sexually active. I was so mad. She gave a prescription for something for bladder infection (which I did not have) and sent me back out within 10 min. I went to another doctor after that and she sent me to a therapist because she thought my issue was in my head. Doctors confound me... Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Clearly I've had decent doctors then, cos I've only ever had "is there a chance you could be pregnant?" and that's it. I think I'd get pretty riled if they started asking why I wasn't having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Grimalkin Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 I have had doctors ask briefly about sexual activity, but usually it's only as a precaution to rule out any issues that might stem from it. A typical interaction would go: Doctor: Are you sexually active? Me: No. end If you say no and the doctor begins prodding, shut that down hard. That isn't relevant and you don't need to talk about it. Example: Doctor: Are you sexually active? Me: No. Doctor: Why is that? Me: I don't wish to talk about it. end The first interaction is normal and you don't need to elaborate or JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) about your reasons why. The second interaction is abnormal and you still don't need to JADE. You don't need to mention asexuality at all. Unless your hip joint is mysteriously located in your genitals, there's really no reason to talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
ScribalMarks Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Usually when doctors ask if you're pregnant it is to avoid giving you treatment, in particular medication, that could harm you or any unborn child. With the hip issue they may be concerned about how pregnancy might affect it. Carrying a child does loosen ligaments and force the pelvic girdle to widen. On the other hand, they might just be nosy. One doctor asked me about my orientation, noting I was not sexually active at the time. He then directed me to LGBT+ services, advising me to seek advice from them if I was having problems addressing my sexuality. I found it helpful, albeit somewhat presumptuous. Link to post Share on other sites
Podsnap Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 3 hours ago, disGraceful said: In the ER, they ask any AFAB person because if they need to do radiology testing, they need to know if there's a chance they could be pregnant so I've also been asked that there. When I explained that I wasn't sexually active, I was given a pregnancy test anyhow because I said I wasn't using any form of contraceptive and I was told that young females sometimes lie when they're asked about whether or not they're having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 1 minute ago, Podsnap said: When I explained that I wasn't sexually active, I was given a pregnancy test anyhow because I said I wasn't using any form of contraceptive and I was told that young females sometimes lie when they're asked about whether or not they're having sex. I'd tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Podsnap Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 1 hour ago, Anthracite_Impreza said: I'd tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine personally. I know. It was 23 yrs. ago. Today I'd get up and walk out. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 Just now, Podsnap said: I know. It was 23 yrs. ago. Today I'd get up and walk out. Yeah, being young and anxious can lead to putting up with shit we later look back on as "WTAF?" Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 30 minutes ago, Podsnap said: When I explained that I wasn't sexually active, I was given a pregnancy test anyhow because I said I wasn't using any form of contraceptive and I was told that young females sometimes lie when they're asked about whether or not they're having sex. They have to both ask and test urine because a lot of people lie about stupid stuff Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 Never been asked more than once (in any given visit) and never been given any crap about it either. If I did, I'd find someone else. But I'm male, so that's probably why I've gotten less hassle. Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 Not sure I have ever been asked anything intrusive, but perhaps I have forgotten, or maybe just gave expected answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 @BlueHairedFairy, if the doctor feels that an X-ray or MRI would be advisable as part of the diagnostic process, they will most likely ask the simple "is there any chance that you may be pregnant" question, because of the proximity of the hip to the womb. Reply "no" and that should be that. Link to post Share on other sites
Podsnap Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 8 hours ago, disGraceful said: They have to both ask and test urine because a lot of people lie about stupid stuff I was told I was being tested because YOUNG FEMALES sometimes lie about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 2 hours ago, Podsnap said: I was told I was being tested because YOUNG FEMALES sometimes lie about that. Well males and older women can’t be pregnant Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Unicorn Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 19 hours ago, BlueHairedFairy said: " you're future husband may want kids" - what future husband??? Some invisible person has more control over my body than I do?! Omg 😂 Just out of curiosity, do they know you're homoromantic, and they still say things like this? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHairedFairy Posted April 25, 2019 Author Share Posted April 25, 2019 15 minutes ago, Fallen Unicorn said: Omg 😂 Just out of curiosity, do they know you're homoromantic, and they still say things like this? Yes because apparently, they know nothing or they figure I'll change my mind? 🙄🤣 I apparently attract idiots in the medical profession. Link to post Share on other sites
Rynn Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 I've never had that happen to me, but I am going to go to talk to my doctor about gender dysphoria for the first time tomorrow, so we'll see if that changes. The only time a doctor sort of asked something like that was when I went to go see one because I hadn't had my period in 3 months and he asked if I could be pregnant. I was like 'Don't you think I would've considered that? I wouldn't exactly be sitting here asking you what could be wrong with me if I was simply pregnant, would I?' But I didn't say that. I only said "No." Him: "Have you had that tested?" Me: "No... but..." Him: "Or are you not sexually active?" Me: "Yeah." Then he said something about how it was probably just stress, and then when it was time for me to leave, he told me to use protection, which I thought was an oddly paternalistic thing to say. I'm not an idiot you know. Also, I never gave him any indication that I would start being sexually active anytime soon. It just seemed really strange for a 45 year old man I barely knew to be inserting himself into the private life of a 19 year old like that. Is it part of a doctor's job description to tell random young 'women' to use protection even when they say they're not sexually active? This was about 5 years ago, so I wasn't aware of my asexuality yet, but I did reply "Yah it's not happening," because that is one thing I was 100% sure of already, and then I walked out without waiting for his answer. That dude wasn't my regular doctor, she's nicer, thankfully, so I have good hope for tomorrow Edit: It turned out fine, zero invasive questions. My doctor is just really cool. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Unicorn Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 3 hours ago, BlueHairedFairy said: Yes because apparently, they know nothing or they figure I'll change my mind? 🙄🤣 I apparently attract idiots in the medical profession. Well, perhaps word choice is what'll help. Not many people recognize homoromantic as a legitimate term, but if you refer to yourself as a lesbian that's not interested in sex, that should make more sense to them. Only if that wording comfortably applies to you, given that you consider yourself genderless. If you've already referred to yourself as a lesbian to them, and they're still pressuring a future husband onto you, then that just sounds fucked. You said you came in for a hip joint injury? Then their job is to take care of that. I've never met a doctor that pressured me to be sexually active (before I was, obviously). Your sexual orientation shouldn't matter to them if you're not having sex. It's a choice to not have sex, and they should respect that regardless of your reasons. There's plenty of people, sexual or not, that go most or their entire lives without sex (due to lack of relationships, asexuality, etc). Sex should only be a concern if you're sexually active or planning to be. If I said something inaccurate, feel free to correct me. I ain't no doctor, and I'm not asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Unicorn Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 Maybe find new doctors? 😆 Link to post Share on other sites
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