College roommates and sex

[SweetTart]

So I'll be transferring to a new college for my next fall semester and staying in a dorm, and this will be my first time rooming with anyone. I'm a bit worried about the possibility of my roommates wanting to bring over people to have sex. Relationships happen and I don't want to tell anyone what they can and can't do, but I'm not sure how to approach the subject of my roommates bringing over people.

Is that something I should even address? should I wait until they talk about bringing someone over?

If anyone has experience with these kinds of situations I'd really appreciate some tips/advice!

[HonoraryJedi]

I don't know what your dorm setup looks like, how much shared space vs private space. Where I lived there was a large kitchen/common area and everyone had a 17m^2 bedroom with a private bathroom. And in that case the rules were that you had to notify and get an ok if you wanted to host a party in the common room, or otherwise planned to take up a lot of kitchen space. But there was no rule for bringing someone over to hang out. Even if it was considered polite, especially if there were more people brought, that you give a heads up. If your setup has everyone there more reliant on the communal space maybe with shared bathrooms, then perhaps you can get an agreement to something stricter, like heads up before any stranger is brought into shared space.  It depends. I don't think it is weird to bring up though. You need to agree on things anyway. Have that talk the same time as you discuss dishes and who takes out the garbage what days.

 

I'm not sure you should bring out sex specifically though, just general having people over. As long as you are not actually sleeping in the same room (which: awkward) you should probably consider whether or not your roommates sleep with the people they bring non of your business, as far as possible.  

[SweetTart]

@HonoraryJedi@Moonman

I was thinking in the case that we share the same sleeping space. Yeah I don't think it's typical that people would want to have sex with their roommates in the room, but I've heard that it happens sometimes.

Hopefully the situation never arises where this specific concern is applicable. I'm fine with them just having people over to hangout and such. I guess it's a bit of an outlandish concern, I doubt I'll ever need to worry about it.

[Homer]

That's something you definitely want to bring up beforehand. Anything else will just look like making up a "new rule" on the spot when there's something happening you don't like.

[WanderingKate]

I lived with roommates all throughout college, and don't worry, there are non awkward ways to set boundaries! Something like, "Hey, so I just wanted to let you know, it's okay to bring guys over but I'd appreciate it if you just let me know beforehand so I can get out of your way". Or you could try something like "If I ever have a guy over I'll text you and let you know," and the other person will probably chime in with a "me too"

 

[ykwvn]

I definitely got "sexiled" a couple of times by first year of undergrad. It really wasn't that big of a deal, basically I did my homework in a common room for a while instead of in my own room. In my experience if your roommate comes back with a date and find you in your room, they go to their dates room instead.

[James121]

On 4/24/2019 at 5:19 PM, SweetTart said:

roommates wanting to bring over people to have sex.

Can’t you agree with them that they will notify you of likely visits so you can leave?