Jump to content

Annoyed About Being Asexual (Rant)


Esor

Recommended Posts

So I’ve pretty much always been asexual (never had “crushes” in grade school, never was attracted to anyone in high school and university) and I was okay with who I was because I didn’t know I was “different”. But ever since I found out asexuality was a “thing” and even a word (when I was 21, turning 23 in a few months), I have moments where I get frustrated with who I am. I keep trying to force myself to feel something for someone or to feel “turned on” or sexually attracted but I can’t. I’ve tried a few different tactics and nothing worked. It’s an odd place to be in because I want to have a deep connection with someone  but at the same time I don’t: seeing and hearing about relationships through media and everyday life makes me sometimes think I need that so I crave to crave that need. So I wish I actually wanted to be in a relationship or at least know what it feels like to want one. I get that life is all about constant development/growth and I eventually want to come to terms with my frustrations but right now I just wish I could change. I really needed to get this off my mind. Does anyone else feel annoyed or pressured to be in a relationship? Sexual or platonic?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I completely identify with your frustrations - they come and go, and I’ve been identifying as aro ace for 9 years. But for the most part, I’ve realized that I can’t force myself to feel something or to want to do something. My time and energy is better spent nurturing the relationships I do have. 

 

I think what has helped me the most is reading everything I can get my hands on about lifelong singles and how great their lives can be (I’m a big fan of Bella Depaulo). 

 

It’s been drilled into our heads that we need a romantic relationship to be happy, so through the times of self-doubt, I hold on to examples that prove otherwise.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel like its my dumb luck to be the oddball out and would love to throw the title away but sadly unless a genie exist that aint happening. I want a relationship and all that but it feels like my asexuality is more of a baggage then a part of me. I honestly want to be normal so I don't have to bang my head against a table cause I am stuck over analyzing my emotions and feelings and what I want to do with every single thing in life. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm in my 30s and that cliche where everyone you know is either married or has kids has come true. It's awful and I've found myself thinking the exact same thing. I'll look at people and wonder in their suitability, but I know deep that even if I did end up in a relationship, it would have to be quite something to be worth it. Thankfully my sister is something of a lifelong single too, so I'm hoping we will become chicken keeping spinsters together :)

 

(I've been in relationships though and it's never been something I've enjoyed, probably because they weren't also ACE so it just felt like a lot of pressure for something I didn't want).

Link to post
Share on other sites
WanderingKate

 

I absolutely relate to everything you've said. I've spent a good deal of my life trying to want things that I don't want, care about things I don't care about, and become someone I'm not. When I was younger it was trying to be extroverted and social because that was normal, and now it's trying to be romantic and sexual because that's normal. I've tried for so long to make myself want a relationship...I just don't. I feel like I must be odd being happy with just the company of a few friends on occasion. I feel like I shouldn't be happy to be alone most nights. But the thing is...I am happy to be alone most nights. I can't force myself to care about being social or being sexual or being...anything, for that matter. Instead of trying to change the things that make me happy, I'm trying to focus my energy on enjoying the things that make me happy, whether those things are considered normal or not. Sex does not make me happy...so why do it? :)

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...