LostInThought1518 Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Hi! So, I was googling around and found this site. I am a little apprehensive, but I want to pick y'alls brains a bit and maybe get some answers. I am married, a mom or two kids, and believe I might be slowly gearing towards asexualism. I am new to this idea and just wanna hear some stories from other women or men who know of or have had similar circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
MacAran Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Welcome! That's part of why we exists. It's ok to be apprehensive, I think a lot of us are when we first come here. There are lots of people's questions and stories you can find just ghosting around the forums, even if you don't feel like posting and asking much yourself. Also, per AVEN tradition, let me be the first to offer you cake! Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Hello and welcome from a married Ace. 🍰🍰🍰 Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 @LostInThought1518 Welcome to AVEN! In my case, I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, around 14 when I started hearing sexual comments from my peers and in media and found that they bewildered me. I'm now 33, and I've never had or desired either sex or a romantic relationship. Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone. Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal. But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction. There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone. There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling. There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty. There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone. And more. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a White Horse Cake, Link to post Share on other sites
Ileeca Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 5 hours ago, LostInThought1518 said: Hi! So, I was googling around and found this site. I am a little apprehensive, but I want to pick y'alls brains a bit and maybe get some answers. I am married, a mom or two kids, and believe I might be slowly gearing towards asexualism. I am new to this idea and just wanna hear some stories from other women or men who know of or have had similar circumstances. Hey there… I absolutely had to write back to you because I am in a very similar position and I wanted you to know you are not alone. I mean, this website doesn’t amazing job of letting us all know that we are not alone, but our stories have some similarities so I thought I’d reach out! I am 44 years old and very happily married with a son (11). Unfortunately, I have experienced a fairly significant history of sexual violence beginning before adolescence and ending in my early 20s. When I got married at age 27, it was very difficult for us to have a “typical“ sex life. But of course, my history was an easy explanation! So I did tons of therapy and an incredible amount of self exploration. A couple of years ago I kind of looked up and realized that I had truly healed my past traumas. However, my interest in sex was no different than when I was first married. I still felt broken, like this was somehow my fault… About a year ago I was having a conversation with a friend… Just a casual fun conversation about our kids approaching puberty… she asked me how old I was when I first started having “sexual feelings.” I told her about my first crush, the first date I went on, and some of the guys in my life through adolescence. But as I talked, we both realized that I was not talking about sexual feelings. I was talking about a desire for romance. Again, of course, I thought I didn’t have any sexual feelings because of all of the trauma... Another year of soul-searching and self reflection, talking to friends… Finally finding this site. Asexuality fits me to a T. I am heteroromantic and gray asexual. I came out to my husband on 4/20… Just last week. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. We have been married for 17 years and this is the first time there has been clarity in what we have considered a “problem“ all along. We are not having an easy time… But the truth and authenticity of how asexuality fits me cannot be denied and we are going to make this work. I love how asexuality described as on a continuum, with space for everyone who identifies in any way. I am learning how important communication is, how important it is to truly understand my and my partner’s needs so that we can figure it out. I think trying to fit into a sexual world of these years has actually been incredibly damaging and I am going to need some time to just figure out how I feel, where it is that I fit, what I actually want, you know? Ileeca Link to post Share on other sites
Pandalin Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Hi and welcome! 🍰🍰🍰 Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 Welcome! Don’t worry about not being sure, that’s what the site is for. Talking with other people helps you to sort out your emotions and figure out what you feel Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 @Ileeca A belated welcome to AVEN! I'm 33, and I've never had or desired either sex or a relationship, but the hardest thing I have ever done was come out to my Dad on the 12th of February this year, so as cliche as it sounds, I know how you must have felt. I've also had a traumatic sexual experience in my childhood, but as it was only a single incident, it doesn't compare, though it did add to my self-doubt. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Proud Cake, Link to post Share on other sites
Hunji Qi Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 Hello and welcome to AVEN! 🍰🍰🍰 I am a graduating college senior, joined in the middle of March. I never experienced sexual attraction but had experienced romantic attraction once in high school. When people around me talk about sex or relationship, I feel left out of group since I can't relate. When I expressed my lack of interest, they called me weird. Also I hold sex positive attitude and respect other people for enjoying it despite that I can't relate. I am personally touch aversive, and feel uncomfortable if people touch me, even if not intimate. I hope that you enjoy it here, this is a very inclusive community and it had been such a relief for me, knowing that I am not alone anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Ileeca Posted April 27, 2019 Share Posted April 27, 2019 On 4/25/2019 at 4:18 PM, MichaelTannock said: @Ileeca A belated welcome to AVEN! I'm 33, and I've never had or desired either sex or a relationship, but the hardest thing I have ever done was come out to my Dad on the 12th of February this year, so as cliche as it sounds, I know how you must have felt. I've also had a traumatic sexual experience in my childhood, but as it was only a single incident, it doesn't compare, though it did add to my self-doubt. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Proud Cake, Best cake ever! Thank you for the warm welcome and the genuine empathy. We are pretty strong, all of us... we do these hard things. 🌈 Link to post Share on other sites
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