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Platonic or Romantic?


TinyFox_2

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I am really in love with my friend but I don't know if my love is platonic or romantic, Google is giving me BS, and I'm still clueless. 😕

Anyone know how to tell the difference? Thank you!

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Depends on what kind of other feelings that you have. For example, do you have any sexual feelings for this person or are your feelings geared more towards an intense friendship? When you say you love them do you want them to show you love back in an intimate way such as kissing, holding hands, cuddling, ect.? Do you want the person to love only you? There are a lot of variables that require answering to better help you out.

I have friends whom I love very much. I can tell them I love them and will frequently hug them or show other kinds of physical affection like a kiss on the cheek or head. My love for them though is platonic in nature because I don't want to have a romantic or sexual relationship with them. Sometimes though you can also have a romantic friendship with people where a lot of your actions and mannerisms mimic a romantic relationship without it being one. I've had a couple of those as well. My main way of telling which is which is the lack of a sexual component and the lack of a want for them to be committed to me.

 

I hope that helps.

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chairdesklamp

Hmm... Keep in mind, some of the metric above is actually not terribly helpful. You may not want sexual things ever (above poster should consider the venue) "Love only you" would be alien to poly people and people who believe in loving your friends alike. (Also, can they no longer love their parents?)

 

I described this on another thread, but let's try here. 

 

Biggest one: do you love this person like a sibling? Would you want your relationship to be like that of a brother/sister/so on? That's platonic. If that's a "yes," you have your answer.

 

If not or still unsure, romantic might be you want to build a life and share EVERYTHING with them, but not necessarily. Some people build lives with queerplatonic partners, too. I also don't know your age, and you might not be old enough to envision buying a house and growing old yet. If you are, do you want to do that with them? If you're not touch-averse, how would cuddling them in bed feel? 

 

If you enjoy the more sappy stuff, do you want to do it with them?

 

Of course, there's also squishes, where you feel "I HAVE TO MAKE THIS PERSON MY FRIEND" 

 

This isn't ALL the ways to know, but that's what I can think of off the top of my head 

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  • 2 weeks later...
i'mjustme

@chairdesklamp I really appreciated your description of platonic feelings as being a sibling type thing. I also struggle with determining the difference between romantic and platonic feelings. 

When I make a close friend, I tend to feel very comfortable with them and want to spend time with them. Sometimes I even want to hug them (I'm generally not big on touching) or give them kisses on the head, cheek, etc. 

However, none of these feelings are inherently romantic for me. Now that I know the "sibling-type" thing, I'm totally going to use it! I have a few close friends, even of the opposite gender, who I already jokingly refer to as my siblings.  

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