Aus19 Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Hi everyone, I realised i am bi (like last wk, been coming for like a yr) and everyone's fine with that. but what i didn't say is that i think i'm asexual as well but i feel like no one will understand or think im a freak. im mean sooo much of the world revolves around sex and i just dont get it. my friends were sexually assaulted when we were children and so years i thought that was why i didn't like sex and got anxious at the thought. but as i come to terms with that and develop trust with people i've realised even with no anxiety i dont get 'sex' but i still can be aroused yet dont want to actually have sex. is there like an asexual spectrum? and i dont want to say anything to anyone, even the LGQBT (wrong order) community, since i cant help but think everyone will think im weird/freaky am i a freak? is there something wrong with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Slice of Ace Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Hi and welcome to AVEN! 🍰 Nah, you're totally normal. Not freakish at all... or at least if you are, then there's a whole bunch of other freaks here too. First, by arousal I assume you mean physical arousal? Erections in guys for example? If so, that doesn't discount you being asexual at all. Asexuality is defined as a lack of sexual attraction, or a lack of a desire to have sex. That's mental, whereas physical arousal is just the body's automatic response to sexual or sex-related stimuli. For example, a gay guy could see a sausage and his brain could go sausage->penis->sex and then he might get an erection. It does not mean that he wants to have sex with a sausage, just that the brain linked that object to sex 😂 Of course, that's just an extreme example, but hopefully you get the point? In general, aces' bodies function exactly the same as any other people, so they still have all the same sexual functions as anyone else, despite the fact that they don't want it. There is a spectrum in between asexuality and allosexuality (not asexuality) which is sometimes referred to as the asexual spectrum. Personally, I call it the ace spectrum so I can distinguish it from the specific sexual orientation. I hope that helps and I'm happy to answer any more questions you have! Link to post Share on other sites
GeekyGamerZack Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 @Aus19 Welcome to AVEN! 😊 Our tradition when welcoming new members is to post a picture of cake. So here you go: (Hopefully you get the pun. 😁) Link to post Share on other sites
Aus19 Posted April 22, 2019 Author Share Posted April 22, 2019 that great to know i'm not weird!!! o great, i wasn't sure if their was a spectrum or what it was called! I do have one question tho, how do relationships work for asexuals? ive grown up learning about relationships w sex as a main component and idk how they work otherwise. and can an asexual date a sexual or is that reallly hard (it seems like it would b stressful for both) and i cant c a sexual being fine w dating u once they discover ur asex. especially not when ur first dating and yes i got the pun, it's epic!! Link to post Share on other sites
Slice of Ace Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 1 hour ago, Aus19 said: I do have one question tho, how do relationships work for asexuals? ive grown up learning about relationships w sex as a main component and idk how they work otherwise. and can an asexual date a sexual or is that reallly hard (it seems like it would b stressful for both) and i cant c a sexual being fine w dating u once they discover ur asex. especially not when ur first dating Exactly the same as a typical relationship but without the sex. There are tonnes of other aspects to relationships, such as dating, sensual intimacy, and cohabiting which aren't inherently sexual. An asexual can date a sexual but - like you said - it can be difficult. It all depends on the people involved and what they're comfortable with doing or doing without. Of course, there is going to be an element of compromise as there is in any relationship. I would advise any ace wanting to date a sexual person to be upfront and honest about their asexuality and what that means for them personally. They should know what they're getting into and have a chance to decide for themselves whether they want to date someone who is asexual. PS: I made a video ages ago about ace-allo (asexual-sexual) relationships where I got some experiences from the community, if you think watching that would help? Spoiler Link to post Share on other sites
Pandalin Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Welcome! 🍰 Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Welcome! There’s nothing wrong with you. Everyone’s human, but everyone’s unique too and we’re all different from each other in different ways. This is just a new and unexpected discovery of part of you that makes you special Link to post Share on other sites
Aus19 Posted April 23, 2019 Author Share Posted April 23, 2019 Thanks soooo much everyone!!! Getting all teary eyed. 😭 I've thought i was a freak my entire life!! Good to know about what dating it like. Is it easy to find other asexuals or r we kinda rare? Link to post Share on other sites
kAcetronaut Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 Hi Aus! I also thought the same that I was a freak of some sort; I'm also an AVEN newbie, signed up yesterday (though I've lurked before!). Nice to meet you! The common stat around is 1% of the population is asexual. So that means there are about 70 million of us worldwide. So, you can adjust that for your town/city (otherwise the giantness of the number explodes my brain a bit lol). I've only met one ace in the wild (ID'ed by her ring lol)--I knew enough to know her ring was an ace ring and not enough to say anything about it! Missed opportunity! Link to post Share on other sites
Aus19 Posted April 23, 2019 Author Share Posted April 23, 2019 there's a ring?! what's it look like? Good to know, finding someone sounds hard with such a limited dating pool (in one town) Link to post Share on other sites
kAcetronaut Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 44 minutes ago, Aus19 said: there's a ring?! what's it look like? Good to know, finding someone sounds hard with such a limited dating pool (in one town) Usually just a plain black ring worn on the middle finger of the right hand, but people choose what they like! (I have no clue my ring size lol...) Link to post Share on other sites
Aus19 Posted April 23, 2019 Author Share Posted April 23, 2019 thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 A belated welcome to AVEN! You could be a Biromantic Asexual. Asexuality is not a lack of libido, but a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone. Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal. But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction. There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone. There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling. There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty. There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone. And more. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Little Koala Cake, Link to post Share on other sites
Aus19 Posted April 23, 2019 Author Share Posted April 23, 2019 Wow incredible to know theres tons of different 'attractions'. That explains sooo much, thank you!! Such a cute cake 😋 Link to post Share on other sites
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